Parents raised me catholic so I could get in to catholic school

foreverisover · 2021-08-09T12:23:17+00:00

Was having a conversation with my Mum recently where she told me that her and my Dad decided to raise me catholic in order to get in to the catholic primary and secondary school in our area as the secondary school is rated outstanding and known to be a very good school. I'm 21 now, not a practicing catholic and haven't been to church since I was a teenager. My Dad is a non practicing Anglican hasn't been to church since he was a child and my Mum is catholic but was non-practicing and didn't go to church when I was born. I wonder how common this is? I suppose I feel a bit weird that the religion that was chosen for me was based on what school they wanted me to go to.

the80sweregreat · 09/08/2021 13:29

It's not that weird. I know a few people who went to church so their children could attend a church school ; they don't go now ( or stopped once the children were there )
Strange thing is , my own parents went to c/ e church every week yet I went to the local non religious very rough comp ! (Long time ago now. )The nearest church schools were a few bus rides away and mum didn't agree with me traveling in ( couldn't afford the fares etc)
They do have a rep for being ' better ' than normal schools. I guess it's just more work for the parents to secure a place.

Rollercoaster1920 · 09/08/2021 13:31

But your mum is Catholic?

Soubriquet · 09/08/2021 13:32

My dc attend a faith school. None of us are practicing religion but around here, it’s very difficult to find a school that isn’t a faith school or an academy

Does it really matter though?

WorraLiberty · 09/08/2021 13:33

I don't think it's as common as it used to be (not around here anyway), as many of the Catholic schools aren't as good as they used to be.

My old primary school has been in special measures twice in recent years.

Also, most Catholic schools around here take a certain percentage of non Catholic children, to help with funding.

Wearywithteens · 09/08/2021 13:33

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This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

WorraLiberty · 09/08/2021 13:34

Did they raise you as Catholic or just send you to a Catholic school?

Pegasusmail · 09/08/2021 13:34

I am Catholic (not really practising)
I think a lot of people so this to get into schools.
To be fair they were likely to get you baptised into the CofE or Catholic faith since they were both baptised. I think I wouldn't hold it against them as at heart they wanted the best for you.

Essentialironingwater · 09/08/2021 13:34

Well it does sound odd laid out like that, but the vast vast majority of the world are only a religion because of geography/ethnicity so perhaps it is as good a reason as any.

I think my mum just raised me Catholic because of something to do with holding onto her irishness. She's not even a believer (and nor am I now!)

pluckedcactus · 09/08/2021 13:35

It's very common. Also happens with weddings and sometimes wanting to teach at a Catholic school.

MindyStClaire · 09/08/2021 13:37

Very common, and not that weird given your mum is Catholic.

Rainbowshit · 09/08/2021 13:39

This is very common. My cousin baptised her son in the catholic faith purely to get into the best school in their area.

purpledagger · 09/08/2021 13:41

Very common.

Where I live, the catholic schools tend to do better in terms of OFSTED reports and league tables. So they are over subscribed and many lapsed catholics will attend Church in order to get their children into those schools. It's exactly what I'm doing.

54321nought · 09/08/2021 13:44

very common, and not weird, your mum is a Catholic. From the point of view of the Catholic church, the education on offer made a lapsed catholic ( your Mum) decide to raise her child as a Catholic, which is what the wanted, so win-win, really

50ShadesOfCatholic · 09/08/2021 13:46

As you can see from my username, I have observed that there are indeed many shades of Catholicism. You appear to be in the school shade, it's a well-populated field. Backed up by your mother's Catholic upbringing.

Catholics were traditionally (and to an extent still are) very much focused on education so many Catholic schools are excellent, not least because all families have literally "signed up" for the ride. There should be no confusion as to the school's focus. There is usually a big emphasis on group music opportunities too, choirs and orchestras.

I'm sure your parents did what they thought was in your best interests. And hopefully you at least got a sturdy education out of it!

MuddyStiletto · 09/08/2021 13:48

This has been going on for years. I know people who had their children baptised in year 6 to get them into a Catholic secondary school and get their bus passes paid for by the church
Shameful really

EileenGC · 09/08/2021 13:52

I think it’s quite common. What I don’t completely understand is people calling themselves Catholic/Anglican when they don’t have a faith or have practised in decades. I personally think there’s a difference between being baptised/christened as a child in a specific church, and actually calling yourself a member of it when as an adult you aren’t involved in the church or hold any beliefs.

50ShadesOfCatholic · 09/08/2021 13:56

@EileenGC

I think it’s quite common. What I don’t completely understand is people calling themselves Catholic/Anglican when they don’t have a faith or have practised in decades. I personally think there’s a difference between being baptised/christened as a child in a specific church, and actually calling yourself a member of it when as an adult you aren’t involved in the church or hold any beliefs.

Hmm I understand. If you're raised to follow a religion say by attending church and wotnot and that falls away later in life, you still have that faith as part of you. Just like you are still familiar with foods or customs from childhood even if you no longer eat them/follow them. Sort of part of the fabric of your being.

MauveMagnolia · 09/08/2021 14:09

It is why date of baptism often comes above parish or distance on admission criteria. The 3-year old rush to baptism.

EileenGC · 09/08/2021 14:24

@50ShadesOfCatholic agree, if you’ve been raised Catholic or whatever for a significant part of your childhood, then that faith and customs are part of your cultural and personal identity.

But if your dad last went to church 45 years ago, you’ve been twice in your life and couldn’t tell what the first commandment is, then you’re not technically Catholic. You were baptised in the Catholic Church and that’s about it. Do people tick Catholic on the census in this case, for example?

50ShadesOfCatholic · 09/08/2021 18:26

@EileenGC

But if your dad last went to church 45 years ago, you’ve been twice in your life and couldn’t tell what the first commandment is, then you’re not technically Catholic. You were baptised in the Catholic Church and that’s about it. Do people tick Catholic on the census in this case, for example?

I can't imagine a scenario in which this could happen? There are seven sacraments in Catholicism with each involving at least one but usually many more visits/sessions in preparation. Even if you had only been baptised and taken Holy Communion you'd have been to church more than twice. And you'd have godparents who have literally signed up to guide you. And if that was the last time you went, bizarre, your dad would have to be an exceptionally old dad, at least 50 by the time you had taken HC so in effect would have been a practising Catholic for 50 years.

Suzi888 · 09/08/2021 18:27

@Wearywithteens

Loads of people do this. They haven’t chosen a religion for you as you clearly did not choose it for yourself. The main thing to take from it is that they wanted the best for you in terms of education.

^ this

homesickness · 09/08/2021 18:34

Not that odd - I’m catholic raised - confirmed at 14, my cousins were baptised catholic, went to catholic school but they and parents never go to mass . Have dozens and dozens of relatives exactly the same - catholic on a census, catholic for school but never go to mass . Admittedly neither do I, not since I came out as gay and had a crisis worrying I was telling the church a pack of lies !!

It’s my grandmother’s hobby, reminding me that I’ll be going to hell and that none of us have any morals ...

homesickness · 09/08/2021 18:36

[quote 50ShadesOfCatholic]@EileenGC

But if your dad last went to church 45 years ago, you’ve been twice in your life and couldn’t tell what the first commandment is, then you’re not technically Catholic. You were baptised in the Catholic Church and that’s about it. Do people tick Catholic on the census in this case, for example?

I can't imagine a scenario in which this could happen? There are seven sacraments in Catholicism with each involving at least one but usually many more visits/sessions in preparation. Even if you had only been baptised and taken Holy Communion you'd have been to church more than twice. And you'd have godparents who have literally signed up to guide you. And if that was the last time you went, bizarre, your dad would have to be an exceptionally old dad, at least 50 by the time you had taken HC so in effect would have been a practising Catholic for 50 years.[/quote]
I’ve always wondered that with Godparents - I haven’t seen mine since I was baptised - my parents made daft decisions and chose friends that they clearly weren’t that close to !! I sometimes wonder if you can actually change them for yourself when you get older !

50ShadesOfCatholic · 09/08/2021 18:37

Lol @homesickness you were robbed

HavelockVetinari · 09/08/2021 18:41

Part of me thinks that's not right - the Catholic Church (I.e. Catholic people in the UK) pays in part for Catholic schools, and they're generally slightly better funded than non-faith schools (the Church makes up the shortfall, not the taxpayer). It's not on for chancers to be stealing a place from an actual Catholic child (since schools are often oversubscribed).

The other (better) part of me thinks that I'd do almost anything to help my beloved DC in life, so I shouldn't be so quick to point out the splinter in my neighbour's eye!