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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask my mum to stop commentating on my weight?

4 replies

ejhhhhh · 09/08/2021 09:41

Almost every time I see my DM she comments on my weight. Never in a nasty way, but usually something like, "you're looking slim" or "have you lost weight?". I haven't lost weight, nor am I overweight or trying to lose weight, I'm a perfectly average size 12 and I've been this size for probably about 20 years. I don't really know why my mum seems to want to always talk about it, because she never gets much of a response from me, but it's starting to grate a bit, particularly as my kids are older now so will notice what she says. I don't talk about my weight, or other people's in general, and tbh I think to do so is a bit rude. AIBU to ask her to stop, and how do I do this in a polite way? I have mentioned things in the past, like how I don't want to discuss weightloss and dieting around my DD, and at the time she did agree, but she still does it. I think it's something she's done all her life, and she probably does it with all her friends too, I certainly remembers lots of talk of that sort of thing as I was growing up. How do I approach this effectively and diplomatically?

OP posts:
Leeds3 · 10/08/2021 18:30

YANBU. I'm sure she thinks she is being complimentary. I would sit her down over a cuppa and explain calmly but firmly why you don't wish her to continue making these comments. The key to this is having the conversation privately so she doesn't feel humiliated.

HavelockVetinari · 10/08/2021 18:36

My mum is always talking about weight - she genuinely thinks that being slim makes a person morally better than a larger person (even if they're at a healthy BMI!). It's crazy, but there are quite a few people like that (on MN and IRL).

Tell her again, and keep telling her. I suffered from anorexia as a teenager, which wasn't my mum's fault, but her attitude didn't exactly help. Even when I was at my thinnest, she'd still comment negatively on larger people. Don't let your DC hear your mum's comments, they're damaging in an already-prejudiced society.

ejhhhhh · 11/08/2021 17:54

Thank you, that is my thought process. I'll keep reminding her not to mention it, thankfully she hasn't in my DC's presence yet so maybe something at least has sunk in.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 11/08/2021 17:55

That sounds incredibly frustrating.

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