I want revenge

[Abandonedforerin]

I know people will say the best revenge is getting on with your life etc but I just can't . I want to pay back these fuckers that have ruined my life I wanna see them suffer like they've made me. aibu ?

@justvegetables

NC

My experience with this. I was hurt so badly by someone that the idea of revenge consumed me. I knew it wasn't reasonable, rational or a good use of my time. I just wanted the fucker to hurt like he had hurt me. So I plotted, I spent hours, days, months working up to a point where I could really hurt him. And I did. And then what?

Looking back, I felt good. I felt good for a week or two. "Finally what that son of a bitch deserves". But it didn't really help me move on. Or change my life positively. Or bring about any lasting change in him. It just consumed me, even after I had my "revenge". I didn't find any closure or peace I had expected. It lead to... Did I hurt him enough? When is enough? When do I call it quits and just move the fuck on and be happy?

Now, years on, after the emotions and anger have faded, what I did seems like such a massive waste of my time, my life and my energy. I am not sure it was worth it, tbh.

What did you do?

Why are they loving it? Was there some back story? A reason why they dislike you so much ?

I cant imagine any group of friemds wanting to hurt or taunt an innocent woman who'd been cheated on ??

Yeh I know you're all right in what you are saying... and yes I am bitter but I just see them all thinking they're fucking great and I really want to hurt them. I probably won't as like someone said they'll know it was me, I'm just fuming

@Abandonedforerin

Yeh I know you're all right in what you are saying... and yes I am bitter but I just see them all thinking they're fucking great and I really want to hurt them. I probably won't as like someone said they'll know it was me, I'm just fuming

If you did manage to hurt them, I really don't think you'd feel better. Not long term.

Reporting the false benefits claims seems reasonable enough.

Just get on with your life. Fill your time with things that make you happy. Ignore all the morons.. Get some counselling to deal with the feelings

He is a sad prick causing rifts between the DC. As hard as it is be strong, don't get into spats with him, he moved on and left any care or considerations for the family behind him.

@Notimeforaname he's told them I don't like them
I asked one of them they said they always got on with me and had no problem with me but thought I had a problem with them as thats what he'd told them

I would report the fraudulent benefits. Anything you do, stay within the law.

Its constantly in my head its all I think about and I know its not good

As a pp said, the best revenge is a life well lived. Time will heal this.

Honestly, if you could slap a smile on your face and put your energy into being a great mum to your dcs and just act like you don't give a shit about him any more - that would be the absolute best revenge you could give. Just fake it till you make it and you'll move on that much faster. You will also be a fantastic role model to your dcs by showing them that you are strong and won't be beaten down by a toxic man.

He cheated on you with a young "girl" as you say? Well, isnt he gross? You are well rid OP.

Your ex sounds like a top class pillock. His friends also - I’ve been in a very similar situation. I lost half my tights it friend group over it. Having been consumed with hate for someone who totally f’d me over and plotting what I thought was clever revenge - I can honestly say it’s not worth it. Unless someone has done something heinous (ie any kind of abuse) it’s best to walk away the better person.
I know that’s It’s not what you want to hear: I didn’t at the time! But truly, the best revenge is living your best life. By that, I mean focus all energy on your well-being; stay healthy; having happy and healthy children; focussing on positives and goodness. Doing a course, learning a new skill, even reading a good book! It is so much better focusing energy on your children and yourself.
I also recommend weaning yourself off social media if you’re on it and looking at ex or even his friends: it’s too easy to feel bitter & get sucked into an image of something that is most likely not real. And I say all this from experience.

As for his income, I’d gather as much info and accurate evidence as you can and call CMS. I did and ended up with £180 a month more for DDs.

You love the man who betrayed you, disowned the child he probably called his daughter before, and is now seemingly wrapped up in framing you as the "psycho" ex with his friends? What is there to love?

There are risks with trying to get revenge, especially when you're in the thick of things. They'll probably guess it was you. You could end up stuck in a toxic vendetta with these people. The best thing you can do - easier said than done - is disengage from it and them. Cut off any gossips who feed the drama, or refuse to take part in those conversations. Unfollow and block any stirrers on social media.

It will be best if you can reduce everything with your ex down to only what is necessary. When it's an all-round shitshow you need to pick your battles. What his friends think or say about anything - who gives a fuck. But you should address the lie that your DD is not her siblings "real sister" because that is spiteful and harmful to all of the children. When he starts trying to play mind games with his children that's when you need to contact him. Don't let the friends occupy any more of your time and energy. (Just put a reminder in your phone to drop them in it in 2-3 years when things have calmed down.)

(We should probably all take some healthy advice - get our eyes off the blue light & get to sleep! Xxx)

@Greystray

You love the man who betrayed you, disowned the child he probably called his daughter before, and is now seemingly wrapped up in framing you as the "psycho" ex with his friends? What is there to love?

There are risks with trying to get revenge, especially when you're in the thick of things. They'll probably guess it was you. You could end up stuck in a toxic vendetta with these people. The best thing you can do - easier said than done - is disengage from it and them. Cut off any gossips who feed the drama, or refuse to take part in those conversations. Unfollow and block any stirrers on social media.

It will be best if you can reduce everything with your ex down to only what is necessary. When it's an all-round shitshow you need to pick your battles. What his friends think or say about anything - who gives a fuck. But you should address the lie that your DD is not her siblings "real sister" because that is spiteful and harmful to all of the children. When he starts trying to play mind games with his children that's when you need to contact him. Don't let the friends occupy any more of your time and energy. (Just put a reminder in your phone to drop them in it in 2-3 years when things have calmed down.)

Brilliant advice - wish I’d read that 5/6 years ago!

Yeah I get you don't wait for karma it doesn't exist just get on with life report the fraudulent claims but don't expect it to go anywhere my ex did work at his jobcoaches house and no-one reported him for benefit fraud he also publicly sells stuff on Facebook and runs his "business" on there no comeback at all gaslights his son i deal with the fallout he goes from woman to woman happy as Larry they all pay for him cars holidays dogs trips out etc ive three kids two of ours he is behind on child support its thirty quid a month ffs today I got really angry he is telling our son he will talk to me "when I'm not in a mood" I WASNT IN A MOOD fucking irrational of me I know but it pissed me off he is insinuating to our son im a moody cow and it irritated me enough to almost go in a mood key word ALMOST

His friends need to fuck off and grow up if they follow you again report them to the police

I can empathise OP. Get legal revenge in whatever way you like if there's no way your targets could get back at you financially or in whatever way. Even if they weren't sure it was you, as they dont like you anyway they might not have the qualms they should do about leaving you and your LOs skint or whatever they might do.

See if you can get more proof of his income to send to the powers that be.

Don't do anything illegal, just because they're not worth getting a record or going to prison for.

Have as little to do with them and hear as little of them as you possibly can.

It's ok to be angry. xx If it's painful then some therapy can help- I liked EMDR.

Turned my ex in. Didn't matter. His life is easy breezy. Some people just never pay for their misdeeds.

Also ordered a couple things from ruin days (both for my ex and previous management that fucked me over) and that made me feel better even if it didn't upset them.

Saw this - love it, so true they will get the comeuppance

[quote BetsyBigNose]@Abandonedforerin it depends on what they did to you - I'm sure we can come up with some wonderfully creative ideas for revenge once we know what sort of level of mischief/evil is required![/quote]
Haha love it

@Abandonedforerin

Long story short separated 14 months, younger girl involved all his friends knew nobody told me. Owns 3 businesses thinks I only know about 2. Gives me 400 a month he makes that in about 5 hours. Brought my daughter up from the age of 1 shes now 15 ( we have 2 together) when dc was with him yesterday he told him not to mention her to anyone as she's not his real sister. Said I'm harassing and following his friends when I wasn't they were actually behind me. Told him lies things I hadn't even said. He knows I still love him ( hate myself for this) ffs too many things to even write but I just fucking hate them all. They're all working and claiming benefits (not him) I feel like reporting them all. I know its petty but I just want them to pay

Report them to the benefits people Try to stop 'loving' the ficking creep. Your poor daughter having to pretend she isn't his child . Get angry with that if anything!!!