Was I being overly sensitive tonight?

[Stuffedcrustpizza1]

I don’t drink at all, I don’t think it’s that uncommon but some people seem to find it surprising or odd, but doesn’t matter what they think.

Apparently a colleague of my partner’s, she was saying to him, “Really? She doesn’t drink?! So you’re the only one who gets drunk?”
Then once I ordered a non alcoholic drink from the bar they worked at, and she said “here’s a cocktail’ and laughed.

I went to the bar with my partner tonight where he works, he got quite drunk. I was drinking coke, at one point he came over with something alcoholic in a small glass and said ‘here you go, try this’ and I could see the colleagues looking at me and laughing. I asked what was funny and didn’t really get why they were laughing and looking at me but my partner said they weren’t.

I am quieter than him and he’s very outgoing, especially when he’s drunk he can get quite ‘lairy’

There’s someone who’s a writer there who’s quite successful and I write as a hobby. My partner has said in the past I should talk to him and he’s right. He says I should talk to people more in general which I agree with.

This writer was there and my partner and his two colleagues were at the bar. My partner was gently nudging my back and saying ‘talk,talk!’

I felt embarrassed, he was then trying to push me in the direction of the writer and saying ‘go on, talk to him’

He was saying the ‘talk’ in front of other people and I felt a bit embarrassed and like some sort of puppet.

Outside I told him that I understood but that I’d appreciate him not doing that. He said he knew it was forceful but he was trying to help.

It’s a separate issue from the drinking thing but maybe I’m embarrassed about that too.

Once at a waffle bar I said to my boyfriend I wonder how they make the bubble ones. He said, you should ask the waitress. Again it became the same thing, go on, ask, ask, go on. Not stopping until I did.

I find when people do that it just puts me on the spot. I think with regard to the talking thing, I was stood at the bar too, trying to join in and I was maybe quiet, but there’s nothing stopping his colleagues from talking to me either.

Its mad, I don’t get their attitude at all.

I had a circle of friends that included a non drinker. We used to ply her with coffee and cake and petrol money, and she’d happier do the driving. I don’t EVER remember asking why she didn’t drink, or try to get her to drink.

In short it’s not you, it’s them. Your mates are dicks.

@Stuffedcrustpizza1

I don’t drink at all, I don’t think it’s that uncommon but some people seem to find it surprising or odd, but doesn’t matter what they think.

Apparently a colleague of my partner’s, she was saying to him, “Really? She doesn’t drink?! So you’re the only one who gets drunk?”
Then once I ordered a non alcoholic drink from the bar they worked at, and she said “here’s a cocktail’ and laughed.

I went to the bar with my partner tonight where he works, he got quite drunk. I was drinking coke, at one point he came over with something alcoholic in a small glass and said ‘here you go, try this’ and I could see the colleagues looking at me and laughing. I asked what was funny and didn’t really get why they were laughing and looking at me but my partner said they weren’t.

I am quieter than him and he’s very outgoing, especially when he’s drunk he can get quite ‘lairy’

There’s someone who’s a writer there who’s quite successful and I write as a hobby. My partner has said in the past I should talk to him and he’s right. He says I should talk to people more in general which I agree with.

This writer was there and my partner and his two colleagues were at the bar. My partner was gently nudging my back and saying ‘talk,talk!’

I felt embarrassed, he was then trying to push me in the direction of the writer and saying ‘go on, talk to him’

He was saying the ‘talk’ in front of other people and I felt a bit embarrassed and like some sort of puppet.

Outside I told him that I understood but that I’d appreciate him not doing that. He said he knew it was forceful but he was trying to help.

It’s a separate issue from the drinking thing but maybe I’m embarrassed about that too.

Once at a waffle bar I said to my boyfriend I wonder how they make the bubble ones. He said, you should ask the waitress. Again it became the same thing, go on, ask, ask, go on. Not stopping until I did.

I find when people do that it just puts me on the spot. I think with regard to the talking thing, I was stood at the bar too, trying to join in and I was maybe quiet, but there’s nothing stopping his colleagues from talking to me either.

Maybe it's just me but I feel like he's completely infantilising you and pushing you to talk to the people in the same way you would a 7 year old on holiday who wants to make friends with the other kids but is too embarrassed.

Also strikes me that he is treating your personality as something to be fixed and improved and there is nothing to be fixed or improved. You're fine exactly as you are.

You're not compatible, he loves to get drunk and 'lairy' , you don't, you find some social situations difficult and he sounds very immature and him pushing you isn't ok at all.
Having said that, dating a non-drinker wouldn't bother me at all I have in the past, dating someone who is so introverted would be an issue for me as I'm quite sociable and extroverted and things like not asking a waitress something would annoy me, what do you do if you travel or go somewhere you funny know? Would it always have to be him speaking to people finding things out organising etc (I had an ex like that it wasn't fun especially on holiday when they won't even book a restaurant or order drinks in a bar).
I would also feel responsible for the other person in social situations and feel awkward about how their behaviour appeared to friends/family etc as it can seem stand offish.

Bottom line is he sounds like a complete dick, but aside from that you don't sound compatible anyway

He is being unreasonable. If he wants his partner to be the type of person to march up to strangers and quiz them on their hobby then he should have chosen someone like that, not someone who I'm sure has loads of other interesting qualities but doesn't like talking to strangers and then try to change this about them. Anyone that says things like 'talk!' Or 'smile!' Or 'cheer up!' should know this shit just has the opposite effect. They are either really bad socially or just dont care about embarrassing people and want to make a point.

@Stuffedcrustpizza1

I don’t drink at all, I don’t think it’s that uncommon but some people seem to find it surprising or odd, but doesn’t matter what they think.

Apparently a colleague of my partner’s, she was saying to him, “Really? She doesn’t drink?! So you’re the only one who gets drunk?”
Then once I ordered a non alcoholic drink from the bar they worked at, and she said “here’s a cocktail’ and laughed.

I went to the bar with my partner tonight where he works, he got quite drunk. I was drinking coke, at one point he came over with something alcoholic in a small glass and said ‘here you go, try this’ and I could see the colleagues looking at me and laughing. I asked what was funny and didn’t really get why they were laughing and looking at me but my partner said they weren’t.

I am quieter than him and he’s very outgoing, especially when he’s drunk he can get quite ‘lairy’

There’s someone who’s a writer there who’s quite successful and I write as a hobby. My partner has said in the past I should talk to him and he’s right. He says I should talk to people more in general which I agree with.

This writer was there and my partner and his two colleagues were at the bar. My partner was gently nudging my back and saying ‘talk,talk!’

I felt embarrassed, he was then trying to push me in the direction of the writer and saying ‘go on, talk to him’

He was saying the ‘talk’ in front of other people and I felt a bit embarrassed and like some sort of puppet.

Outside I told him that I understood but that I’d appreciate him not doing that. He said he knew it was forceful but he was trying to help.

It’s a separate issue from the drinking thing but maybe I’m embarrassed about that too.

Once at a waffle bar I said to my boyfriend I wonder how they make the bubble ones. He said, you should ask the waitress. Again it became the same thing, go on, ask, ask, go on. Not stopping until I did.

I find when people do that it just puts me on the spot. I think with regard to the talking thing, I was stood at the bar too, trying to join in and I was maybe quiet, but there’s nothing stopping his colleagues from talking to me either.

He sounds like an arse. Why make you feel uncomfortable infront of people like that? I hate that in a partner. I wouldn’t spend time with him and his ‘friends’ if they behaved that way when drinking and id have a word with him when sober telling him to stop trying to change you!

My partner used to work in bars and his colleagues were mostly very young or immature. Incidentally, pretty much everyone in his work
community had a drink or drug problem, so when my partner decided to abstain it made them feel uncomfortable I think as it shined a light on their own issues.

It’s very ignorant to treat someone who is teetotal like this and suggests to me they have limited life experience outside of their little bubble. I’ve worked or had relationships with people in my life who are teetotal for a number of reasons, including recovering alcoholics and people with various physical and mental health problems. And these kind of issues aside, there is nothing wrong with simply choosing not to drink because it’s not for you - they sound like a bunch of teenagers trying to peer pressure you into something you want to do.

When my partners friends/colleagues acted similarly I just refused to go out with them or to bars where they worked Maybe consider this too if they make you feel uncomfortable, you don’t have to do everything together as a couple or have a relationship with his colleagues.

I would also tell him straight that you don’t want to drink and to please respect your personal choices. If he does want a ‘party girl’ stereotype then you’re best shot of him as he’s not looking for a meaningful, long-term relationship with an individual and all the hard work and commitment that comes with it. These type of men who chase after these ‘fun loving girl’ stereotypes (sounds like your ex who cheated too) are really not emotionally mature enough to deal with real adult relationships. I think, often, it’s just a way of avoiding true intimacy. It sounds like you can do better.

Their attitude is pathetic but you don't have to put up with it if you dump your idiot bf. He sounds like a prick so ditch him and you won't have to see his colleagues ever again.

@AlternativePerspective

This attitude to drink really pisses me off.

Even on here I’ve seen threads from posters saying they wouldn’t want to go out with a non drinker/would find it hard to be friends with people who don’t drink. It says far more about them than it does about the non drinker. Seriously if someone can’t have a good time unless all around them are drinking they need to take a long hard look at themselves.

I am teetotal, when I was younger it was because I didn’t like the taste. People used to say to me when going out that it would be cool to spike my drinks so they could see what I was like when I was drunk. Twats.

Now even if I wanted to I can’t drink because of my heart condition and associated medication. Even now I’ve had scathing comments from people talking about “the teetotaller,” etc. It’s pathetic.

But IME people who have a problem with people who don’t drink generally do so because of how much they do drink. If it’s only them who are drinking to excess, then they’re showing themselves up for the twats they are.

Agree. The attitude to non drinkers even here on MN is pathetic.

A lot of drinkers think that they become more witty, intelligent, social and better company when they drink - news flash - they don't, invariably they become loud, boorish, irritating and embarrassing and deep down they know it.

Drinkers appear to be very judgemental and feel they have a right to pass snarky or nasty comments to non drinkers yet get very, very defensive if they are judged or imagine they are being judged.

Not being unreasonable at all. I'd hate it. I hate this stupid drinking culture too. I don't drink at all either. I've got DH's family coming at the weekend and I'm dreading it. They'll all want to be drinking all the time and they make stupid comments about me not drinking. I'd hate that pushy stuff too. You have my sympathies.