To Want a Different Life…Mid-Life Crisis?

[Blossom4538]

Hi fellow Mumsnetters,
Basically, I feel as though I need to change my life, or even my family’s life. There are different factors involved and I wonder if just midlife crisis!

I am married with one child who has Special Needs - milder but also very debilitating in what we can do as a family, in daily life. Our Child struggles going out and about.

I adore my Husband and we have been together a very long time, since I was a teenager (late teens). Had a year or so of being single and going to clubs, girlie holidays etc prior. We are so close, particularly as we have our child and everything that goes along with DC - no one else, even if they try, can fully understand our emotions and worries around DC and the practicalities of day to day life. We are there to support each other through the regular, tough times.

However, we have been in a sexless marriage for years now. I always had a higher sex drive from the very beginning and a little more experience (don’t get me wrong, far from slept around) - but DH was very inexperienced. Anyway, I feel terrible but I have really found myself looking at other men when out and about. My hormones are through the roof!

I don’t know what I’m saying really, but I’ve been very down, have a lot on my plate at the moment with one thing or another, on anti-depressants for a few years now.

I feel as though I need more in my life. I’m quite shy with new people, don’t have hardly any spare time and am always exhausted.

I feel selfish. I feel as though I want to feel happiness again, a rush of love, excitement or just make the most of life, whilst being there for my family and giving them the best life I can. We are all so stuck in a rut, exhausted.

Am I being selfish and unreasonable?

"I feel as though I want to feel happiness again, a rush of love, excitement or just make the most of life, whilst being there for my family and giving them the best life I can. We are all so stuck in a rut, exhausted."

My circumstances are not the same as yours but I could have written that bit above. I spend most of the time jumping between being utterly frustrated that I have fenced myself into this conventional, boring life and scolding myself for being so ungrateful for not appreciating what I do have.

I get it. It's relentlessly boring. I completely understand why people have mid life crises and go bananas while everyone else stands around, all bewildered at their behaviour.

It sounds like you really have your hands full, and a sexless relationship is hard. Have you talked about it with him?

As long as everything else in your partnership is good OP, please don't make the mistake of thinking the grass is greener and risk an affair. The chances are that you WILL get found out, and then the likelihood of being able to rescue your marriage is likely to be VERY slim. You could then end up alone, or as a single Mum managing a child with SN. All too often we make the mistake of thinking the grass is greener when we get bored or life gets tough, but if you really love your DH as much as you say you do, please don't risk it. Take it from one who knows, and paid the price!

It’s painful not to have sex when you have a higher sex drive than your partner though. Makes you feel dead inside. I get it op. Don’t know what the answer is though..