Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DS mistaken for a female because of his voice

6 replies

treacletrickle · 08/08/2021 16:20

DS who is 21 has on many occasions been mistaken for a woman when on the phone, whether it's being called love when ordering a takeaway or when he's passed the phone on to me the caller has said I was just speaking to your daughter. DS does have a high pitched voice, looking back on it I can't remember his voice breaking during puberty, I think his voice deepened a little bit gradually but it's not deep and he never had times when his voice would crack when he spoke or anything like then when your voice is deepening during puberty. I think DS just finds it frustrating the amount of times it's happened and he doesn't know anyone else who gets mistaken for a female when speaking. Can anyone offer my DS some reassurance to not worry about it.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 08/08/2021 16:24

My DH is 54 and still constantly gets mistaken for me on the phone 🙈😂

It's not that his voice is high pitched as such, more that it's very soft and quiet.

He's learnt to clear his throat before answering and says "Hello" in a strong 'gruff' sort of voice that just isn't him at all.

Probably not helpful for your DS, but he's learned to laugh about it as there's not much else he can do.

Disneycharacter · 08/08/2021 16:34

Maybe some speech and language therapy (private) would give some tips on lowering the tone of his voice? Surgery can turn male voices into female ones so maybe can do it the other way round?

SimonJT · 08/08/2021 16:41

Loads of guys have a high voice, I’m full on Alpha from Up when his collar breaks. It is just a voice, it really doesn’t matter if its deep or not.

I’ll always get “Can I speak to Mr SJT please?” despite already saying I am Mr and not Mrs, its not the end of the world.

Zhampagne · 08/08/2021 16:48

There is treatment available to change the tone and pitch of a voice if he wants it, but he would obviously have to fund it privately. His voice will also naturally change as he ages. Were there any other issues or concerns when he was going through puberty?

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 08/08/2021 17:12

Surgery seems very extreme - although his choice if that's the only way he wants to proceed.

Can he not try to 'work on it' and try to adjust the pitch deliberately - maybe with the use of a voice recorder; try to expand his 'range' as it were, like a singer might do, and then favour using the lower end of it? I'm sure this would be hard work at first, but would then become second nature as time goes on.

A lot of trans people deliberately lower or raise their voices without hormones or surgery, in a desire to 'pass' better as the opposite sex.

It is difficult, though, and some people are just naturally outside the 'norm' for it. I used to work in a call centre with a man called 'Tim' (let's say) and people would ask his name for reference at the end of the call. The number of people who would say "Tim? That's an unusual name for a woman, isn't it?!" and it would clearly never cross their minds that they had probably been talking to a man (hence the name 'Tim') with a feminine-sounding voice. We also used to know somebody whose mother had a deeper, gruffer voice than just about every man we know.

For some reason, I also recall this story from years ago, where a man was effectively locked out of his own account when using telephone banking. I would have thought a lot of people would find themselves on very dodgy ground nowadays, though, insisting that somebody with a particular voice, name or look cannot possibly be what they identify as, as so very many people identify as the 'gender' associated with the opposite sex to themselves, and many deliberately make no physical or social changes to help them 'pass' e.g. transwomen maintaining full beards, transmen choosing to get pregnant.

www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/greater-manchester-news/bank-thought-man-was-a-woman-1004309

MrsFin · 08/08/2021 17:16

The Queen and Margaret Thatcher both successfully lowered their voices considerably - listen to their early and later speeches for comparison.
If they can, anyone else can. If he's worried I'd suggest either a speech therapist, or perhaps an elocution teacher.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread