AIBU to find this unfair?

[KCpip]

My brother rents a flat from our parents. He’s in his 40s. I own a house with my husband and we pay a mortgage. AIBU to find it annoying that he’s being so heavily supported by my parents? I think he should be standing on his own two feet

He’s paying rent to your parents? What’s wrong with that?

So I’m guessing that he doesn’t pay full market rent??

Does he do a lot for your parents??

Is he divorced and walked away with not much and they rent it to him to help the grandchildren?
On the face of it, while it seems unfair I think you should be proud of what you have been able to achieve - home ownership will really help you in life

How is being heavily supported?

If he’s renting it then they just happen to be his landlords. No different to renting from someone else - in fact probably more necessary to be in work etc as it’s difficult to jump through the hoops required for housing benefit (or the Uc equivalent) if your parent owns the house.

More info needed I think.
If he wants to rent and your parents own a place to rent then it seems sensible.
Or do you want to swap?

If he is paying your parents then I don’t see why it would bother you, unless there is a drip feed coming.. is he being heavily subsidised, is there a history of your parents financially supporting him?
You will own somewhere outright at the end of your term, he will own nothing, not everyone wants or can’t get a mortgage, so if he’s going to rent why not rent from your parents rather than a landlord, unless as above there’s a backstory.

I suppose it depends. Does he have financial trouble and they subsidise them rent, or does he pay the market rate?

He's 40 so none of your business surely?

How is it any different from him renting from another landlord? Does he pay the going rate?

He pays rent and they know the place is in good hands, seems a win win for them. You own a home so don’t need to rent.

I think when you’re in your 40’s you really ought to be past saying “hey! That’s not fair, he’s got more than me”.

You mind your business and he can mind his.

Your brother needs a flat, he needs to rent, he's renting. And your AIBU is what exactly???

Ok. I didn’t put too much detail as interested to hear people’s thoughts but the added info is that my mum especially talks about how financially tight things are for them and I know the only reason they don’t sell the property and use that money for their retirement is that they feel my brother would be stuck without it. He pays a cheap rent, not market rate. They’ve always supported him with money whenever he’s been tight for cash. I guess I sometimes feel fed up with listening to their financial woes when I know they could charge him a more normal rent or encourage him to do something else and they would then have money for their later years. I usually try to stay out of and let them get on with it but just wanted to pose the question AIBU to find it annoying/frustrating

IMO It would be unfair if they give him the house or their share of the house without any 'gift' to you.
But I guess what has happened is that he is paying a low rent rather than the market value and you feel it is unfair as you don't get any such benefit yourself?
If he is paying the market rent I wouldn't see the problem with that.

@nancydroo I think that’s it. I find it frustrating listening to money woes when they could charge a more reasonable rent. I suppose I feel like he’s got an unfair bonus every month with his cheap rent. I find it especially annoying when he takes himself off on foreign holidays while we usually afford a proper family holiday on alternate years and never anywhere fancy

OP you need to stop comparing what your brother gets or does with what you get or do. You are two different adult people. Parents don’t have an obligation to treat their children the same throughout their entire lives.

I suppose if they want to moan about their money troubles to you it becomes your problem somewhat. If it were my parents I’d be :’seriously mum if you charged market rates on your investment property you’d have more money. You’re choosing to subsidise a 40 year old adult who can afford more frequent and more expensive holidays than I can, so that’s your choice really. For the record I don’t think you’re doing Joe any favours, he has to start being a proper adult one day.’
Then when they moan in future you say ‘we’ve talked about this Mum, and it’s a choice you’re making.’

Hmmm. How financially tight can your parents be if they own a second property though really. It still seems more about you being jealous of him getting an easy ride on the rent to be honest, but you are paying off a mortgage, you’ll own a property outright, so you’ve no need to compare or feel resentful about holidays etc. He is on his own by the sounds of it and you have a family, a holiday is way more affordable for him. You haven’t mentioned his job or income, I’m guessing it’s not a huge amount if his parents feel they need to subsidise rent despite wanting to liquidise their property asset.
But presumably they already know that they could remove their financial concerns by selling, and yet still choose not to, so either they aren’t actually that concerned and are just having a moan like we all do, or your brother really needs the help? Or your brother is a very bad person and your parents are being hugely manipulated? .

But he has no children nor a partner so his holidays will be cheaper and easier. You made different choices. If you want more holidays you can always get a second job etc.

If your parents don’t want to charge him more rent, that’s upto them. They are old enough to understand that impacts on their finances.

[quote KCpip]@nancydroo I think that’s it. I find it frustrating listening to money woes when they could charge a more reasonable rent. I suppose I feel like he’s got an unfair bonus every month with his cheap rent. I find it especially annoying when he takes himself off on foreign holidays while we usually afford a proper family holiday on alternate years and never anywhere fancy[/quote]
I can see how that would be frustrating. Just remember that with house prices going up your parents are making money even though things are right. As for your brother, this would grate on me too

Next time there's a mention of money woes just tell them to either increase his rent or sell the flat. If they give some lame excuses about his financial situation, then tell them you are not interested in hearing about their money issues if they won't listen to your advice. And after that shut down any more conversations about it. It would wreck my head if I had to listen to them whinge about a lack of money when the answer to their problem is staring them in the face.

Well tell them that.

At best they are pissing you off and causing friction in your relationship with your sibling, at worst they may be hoping to manipulate you into having a word with him (which they will downplay their part in). Shit the conversations down as pp said.

We have this with my BIL.
He gets his business class flights paid for, an "allowance" each month, lots of "gifts" etc.

Ultimately he isnt really "better off" he is emeshed and codependent and babied.
I'd also rather we werent indebted to the inlaws.

In your shoes I'd be upfront and next time your parents complain say "you are subsidising DB's lifestyle and have dowm for years. if money is tight you have the option to charge him market rent or sell the flat. You dont want to do either so you are choosing your situation. It's your asset and you can do what you like but stop complaining to me about an avoidable problem."

Do we know how much the brother earns? If he’s single and on a low wage he isn’t going to be able to afford much is he?

Did your parents help your with your deposit?