AIBU to feel grumpy about changed plans?

[MumblesAndMutters]

I’m generally quite introverted and, while I enjoy meeting friends, it can sometimes take me a little time to work up to seeing several in one go. I somehow find it both fun and draining at the same time. So for bigger groups I prefer a bit of warning.

Lately I’ve had a couple of invitations to come over to someone’s for dinner where it then turned out that they’d invited other people too, when I had thought it would be just me and my DH plus hosts. On one occasion it was people we knew, on another it was the hosts’ friends but not ours. Nothing bad happened, but AIBU to find that last minute change a bit stressful (in my head, obviously I don’t let on to the hosts)?

They are not really last minute changes though, are they. You have assumed that it is just you/DH and the hosts, whereas the hosts probably just think that it is a dinner party and have invited other people as well.

In future when getting an invite, maybe you could ask if anyone else has been invited and then you won't be surprised when you turn up and others are there.

I totally understand OP. I am exactly the same.

I really enjoy intimate evenings with two couples in somebody's home but anything bigger than this I need warning and to gear myself up.

I am aware it's irrational but it's just the way I am - I feel your pain!!

I would alwyas make sure my guests know exactly the type of evening it is - so no surprises!

I'd be surprised to find that dinner at a friend's house was just two couples. I'd expect there to be 6 of us, or 8.

Maybe people always water me down though? 😬

alittlequinnie please come over for dinner any time! 😊

Interesting responses, thank you. It’s true I do assume that, if someone says “come to ours for dinner”, they literally mean just me + DH and the occupants of the host’s home. I will try and find out ahead of time in future… without losing friends, hopefully! I too would always let people know exact what the proposed set up is.

I also like the idea of being “diluted”. Very well put. I guess there’s an element of feeling that too, only more that I have to work extra hard with more people there but the host is diluted by more guests so you get less connection. I do see that I’m definitely a bit of an outlier here.

YANBU to find it stressful(I do too) but I always ask who else is coming/am told without asking. It’s natural. I find it very odd that people don’t ask unless you’re close enough to assume it’ll just be two of you (my best friend and I for example)

It’s not changed plans though is it, it’s just not what you had envisaged. As it’s an issue for you, just ask them when you receive the invite who else will be there, if they’re friends you can be honest and say it’s good for you to know in advance how many will be there.

I wouldn’t do it. I’ve been so careful not just for me but for my vulnerable parents I don’t want people putting me in a situation i don’t feel comfortable with

I’d not feel happy now going to friends I know but with other people doesn’t feel right. Not just the Covid risk but having to socialise is all new now to me