Was my boyfriend being a dick? Sensitive issue

[WildflowerWildfire]

So I’ve been in the process of reporting historical sexual abuse from when I was 17 by my driving instructor. Last night the bastard was arrested and I was almost hyperventilating with fear and shock. My boyfriend and I don’t live together but he was at my house last night. He watched the boxing all evening, and then when I went to snuggle up next to him on the sofa, he was scrolling through Twitter looking at football scores, and began to watch a video of some football manager being interviewed.

The previous night I’d spent nearly 4 hours doing a video interview with the police talking about everything, and halfway through I got a text message from him showing me a link from his sister about a fucking trampoline place who has a discount on.

Aibu to be pissed off? He slept on the sofa last night and to be honest I don’t want to be around him.

I think it is not unreasonable to want emotional support at a time like that and it doesn’t sound like he’s providing it.

That’s pretty bad of him. I’m sure lots of people will come on saying he might not know how to cope with it. Not know what to say to you.
Which may be true, but if this is how he reacts to serious issues you’re dealing with, then sadly that will be the blueprint for the rest of your relationship. And only you can decide if that’s the kind of person you want in your life.

I just feel so upset because he bangs on about me not being alone now I’ve got him, but having someone physically in the room doesn’t make me feel less alone. He sat at my dining table watching the boxing on his iPad, whilst colouring a page in an adult colouring book. Meanwhile I’m on my own pacing around waiting for the investigating officer to call and tell me what the outcome of the interview was.

I think he's demonstrated his priorities very clearly.
You must know what to do now.
I'm very sorry to hear the rotten experiences you are have been having with men. But well done in getting one caught.

Oh, I'm so sorry for what you're going through. It is absolutely not unreasonable for you to expect comfort from your boyfriend. I'd be devastated to not get proper emotional support from my partner.

To look at it very generously, perhaps he either A) has no clue how to deal with a situation as significant as this one and has sort of shut down in response, or B) thinks he's helping you take your mind off it by not engaging with the situation

Obviously both of those reasons would still make him an idiot, and he would need a good talking to. But only you know him well enough to know whether he is truly as uncaring as his actions portray him to be.

Sending you lots of love and strength! X

That’s a very weird comment of him to make. Does he think just physically turning up and being your boyfriend has saved you from a spinster life of misery

@Monkeybusinesss unfortunately I think he does. He’s said so many times that I’m not alone now, and don’t have to deal with things on my own anymore. Well clearly I do!

In times of crisis you can really see if this person/relationship is for you.

Most of the time people just pootle along and it’s all fine. But sometimes seeing how a partner treats you when you need them the most early on is a good thing long term, even if it doesn’t feel like it.

And I’m very sorry for what you’re having to deal with.

I’m going to have a chat with him and see what he says. But ultimately I don’t think there’s any excuse for how useless he’s been over the past few days.

I’m horrified on your behalf.
Well done you for reporting the abuse and even better, that that vile specimen has been arrested.
Fingers crossed for a custodial sentence if it goes to court

What exactly would you have liked him to to? Don’t expect him to mind read how you would like him to behave, he probably wants to be supportive but doesn’t know exactly what he’s supposed to say or do. Tell him, clearly, exactly what you would have liked him to do, and see how he responds.

The ‘you’re not alone now comments’ would be enough for me.

It sounds like he pities you and sees himself as some kind of saviour.

Fuck that.