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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

KIT day - too soon?

23 replies

Iammoana85 · 08/08/2021 07:16

Have a 3 year old dd and have a 12 weeks old dd. Currently on maternity leave from a job I really enjoy and planning on taking 6 months maternity leave mainly for financial reasons.

Had some quite severe post natal anxiety with dd and didn't leave her at all, not even for a few hours until I went back to work when she was 9 months. Haven't had the post natal anxiety this time and have been actively leaving younger dd with dh for a few hours to go swimming or to take older dd out etc.

Since having dd2 DH has gone back to work, had a couple of days out with friends and a long weekend away (Thursday - Tuesday) and gone to watch football etc.

Other than swimming I don't have any hobbies so haven't had the need or want to leave Dd2 for any long period of time.

Am booked in to do a KIT day on Wednesday which I am really excited about. I have worked at home since March 2020 so not seen a lot of colleagues since then, didn't see any of them during my pregnancy and am looking forward to a change of scenery etc.

Dh is making me feel guilty about it, saying its too early to think about work and that I shouldn't be going back to work for a full day etc.

Tried to point out that he has been out for longer periods of time etc and in effect this is my hobby but he still seems annoyed about it.

Is it too soon to be thinking about work and using KIT day? When did other people use theirs?

OP posts:

devildeepbluesea · 08/08/2021 07:17

Of course it's not too early.

I was back in work a couple of days a week within a couple of mony, and full time when DD was 4 months. I had no choice, I was the breadwinner.

It's one day. Go and enjoy it.

HarrysChild · 08/08/2021 07:20

If you’re going back after 6 months then you’re already half way into your Mat Leave so I would think it’s the ideal time to start keeping in touch! Also the main reason is you seem to be excited by it and looking forward to going - your DH sounds like he’s being hypocritical here. It’s ok for him to get plenty of grown up time but you’re meant to be happy to be with the baby 24/7?

HungryHippo11 · 08/08/2021 07:20

Its totally up to you, but could you do half a day as a compromise?

89redballoons · 08/08/2021 07:21

I used one at 3 months although it was working remotely. It was for an important meeting in our department that only happens once a year so just had to be then. I wanted to do it and it was fine, DS sat in his bouncer or I fed him off-camera for the duration.

As long as you have someone to look after and feed your baby while you're away and you want to do it, of course it's not too early.

ehgust · 08/08/2021 07:21

Ignore him, It's completely fine.

Potatoy · 08/08/2021 07:24

I'd do it if you feel up to it.

Elouera · 08/08/2021 07:26

It is that he is worried about looking after the toddler and a 3mth old on his own? Why else would he be annoyed? You'll be paid for it too. Not too soon IMO. You are already 1/2 way through you mat leave. When dose HE think would be a suitable time???

Limitedhelp · 08/08/2021 07:26

Absolutely not too early.
It's only one day!

Thack · 08/08/2021 07:26

It's fine. You're allowed back into work at 2 weeks - some people probably do that!!

Is your DH being protective following your past experience or is he scared /too lazy to look after his DC?

Have a KIT day, feel your normal self again.

Comtesse · 08/08/2021 07:28

It’s fine - do what you need to do!

Darbs76 · 08/08/2021 07:29

It’s 1 day, It’s fine. Is your DH looking after the baby? Maybe why he’s saying that. He needs to back off

orangejuicer · 08/08/2021 07:33

Does your DH understand what a KIT day is and what it is for?

moita · 08/08/2021 07:34

a friend of mine went back to work after 3 months. All fine and didn't effect her bond with her children.

Is he looking after the children?

JumperooSue · 08/08/2021 07:36

I’m so sick of women being made to feel guilty about wanting to return to work after guilty! I’m sure he had to problem trotting back off to work after his two weeks paternity leave without an ounce of guilt. I think based on your history you’re doing a really sensible thing, slowly getting used to the occasional day away to the transition back to work is smooth, I really looked forward to returning to work after mat leave, adult conversation and time to engage my brain fully again. Please don’t feel any guilt.

JumperooSue · 08/08/2021 07:37

After a baby
I’m sure he had no problem

Must learn to proof read!

SquashMinusIsShit · 08/08/2021 07:39

Its totally up to you, but could you do half a day as a compromise?

Compromise for who & for what pirposer?! It is up to OP when she wants to go, she's happy so that should be The end of the discussion.

As others have said you are half way through mat leave already so feels a good time to go.

girlmom21 · 08/08/2021 07:47

Tell him you could have gone back full time 10 weeks ago if you wanted to and to mind his own business.

If he's worried about the baby being left maybe he should have her.

hopefulmama36 · 08/08/2021 07:47

Too early?! He's being ridiculous. I mean your baby is 3 months old, some women will be back at work full time by then. Also presumably your baby and toddler will be cared for by your DH or the childcare that you're going to leave them with on your return to work. I'm assuming that you trust said childcare to care for them.

Also worse for me is his sheer hypocrisy!! It's fine for him to sod off and do what he likes. But you can't leave the baby.....does he think she'll implode the second you leave the house.

Any issue here is his and his alone.

Coasterfan · 08/08/2021 16:58

I had DS in the September (end of) and did a KIT week the first week in December. With two under two at home it was a fabulous break 😀😀 if you feel happy doing it, do it!

Jammysod · 08/08/2021 17:16

Absolutely do it if you feel ready!!
I did 3 days over my maternity leave, was really nice to get out, see people & be something other than a feeder/cleaner/nappy changer/nap negotiator.

Xmassprout · 08/08/2021 17:22

If you're happy to do it, then of course it's not too early!

In what way is he worried its too early? If he's worried about the baby, he will have to take the day off work and he can stay home all day

Original poster

Iammoana85 · 08/08/2021 17:45

Thank you everyone. Really helpful replies

I don't think he is worried about having both children at home, plus i will make sure all bottles are done and clothes are out etc before I go.

I think he is worried I will come home wanting to go back to work earlier. He has had some issues with my job before (we work in very different roles, he is very much a work your hours and come home person where as I really enjoy my job and quite often have had to work longer hours) I did originally only want to take 3 months off and for him to take shared parental leave but he didn't want to so I'm now taking 6 months. I think he feels if I go back I'll want to go back permanently sooner.

OP posts:

SquashMinusIsShit · 08/08/2021 17:55

Why does it matter if you do? I don't get why he has a problem with it 🤔 if he's so keen on the baby being at home longer why isn't he stepping up to take some of the leave?!

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