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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I as stupid as he has made me feel

40 replies

stupidasusual · 07/08/2021 22:36

Just followed a young lad on our way home for a few miles he had no back lights on his car at all was a dark blue colour so hard to see his car in the dark and quite frankly really unsafe, he finally pulled over so I could tel him and my Dp has made me feel really stupid about it, he said he's probably on drugs and he doesn't care for people like I do, it's stupid to follow someone like that etc he's made me feel absolutely stupid was I in the wrong ? The lad clearly has only just started driving and yes he should have noticed but he didn't

OP posts:

Els1e · 07/08/2021 23:16

You have a DP problem. Trust your gut instinct

Beckhamsmetatarsal · 07/08/2021 23:46

No. If your partner is making you feel stupid regularly I'd have a think about that.

Original poster

stupidasusual · 07/08/2021 23:53

Think he was more concerned about getting back so he could have his beer to be honest

OP posts:

roonthebend · 07/08/2021 23:55

No you're not stupid, you did the right thing.

WolfFleeceSpotter · 08/08/2021 00:02

Agree that you have a DP problem.

When I was 17 and only a few weeks after passing my test, I was driving up a hill in town, quite slowly as I was aware it is a busy hill near a train starion. From nowhere a bloke ran out and started banging on the side bonnet of my car, waving his hands and yelling at me. I was scared and my instinct was to get away. As I drove off thinking he was a prick, I realised he was trying to alert me to my lights not being on.

MrsTulipTattsyrup · 08/08/2021 00:42

[quote stupidasusual]@MrsTulipTattsyrup I get the impression I embarrass him quite a lot when I try and help others [/quote]
Then he doesn’t deserve you! I assume he’s quite happy when you help him though…

AllTheSingleLadiess · 08/08/2021 00:44

I have a dd who's just started driving so this is close to my heart but I think that you did a really kind thing even though he might have been angry with you.

Notimeforaname · 08/08/2021 00:48

Tell him you're getting a joint account. A grown adult in a committed relationship should not have to ask for money. You should have equal access to your family money.

Amima · 08/08/2021 00:48

You’re kind but what you’ve done is very dangerous. If you interfere in people’s lives that’s how you end up getting attacked or stabbed or something. Mind your own business and you’ll live longer. If someone ploughs into the back of his car that’s not your problem.

Lockdownbear · 08/08/2021 00:57

Op I'd have flashed the light but not actually spoken to him.
Twice I've flashed police cars, one was a long time ago, it was after he put his lights on his sign lit up, the other I knew it was the police in front with no lights, I flashed about 3 times before the penny dropped.

I couldn't live with myself if a car was hit and someone hurt and I could have prevented it.

Lockdownbear · 08/08/2021 00:59

Oh and the second time I was thinking 🤔 it's illegal to flash lights, they might do me, but imagine that in court 'eh the police man didn't have his lights on'

JustGiveMeGin · 08/08/2021 06:03

I'm going to go against the grain here....you do sound nice/kind however also like one of those people that has to be seen to do the right thing.
Is it maybe a culmination of all of your good deeds that has got your partner to this point? You say he was driving, I wouldn't appreciate being made to follow someone for God knows how long whilst driving. Helping someone when it affects only you is totally different to involving someone else in your act of kindness.
You also mentioned that he works and you don't? Is it possible you have more energy simply to care about these things? I know after I've done a 12 hour shift the best I could manage is flashing my lights at the lad, certainly no inclination to be following him around town.
I don't get the impression he's a dick at all, just a different personality type to you. Maybe save going over and above to help others for times it only impacts you.

Shoxfordian · 08/08/2021 06:13

I wouldn’t follow some random person to tell them this either, sounds like you were being a bit of a busybody to me and you weren’t even driving!

Sparklfairy · 08/08/2021 06:26

His 'embarrassment' is his problem.

You don't have to change who you are in order to fit into his mould of what he thinks a woman should be.

If he's complaining about a fundamental part of your personality (kindness) that he clearly lacks then I would be suggesting he finds someone as unkind and judgemental as he is.

Birminghambloke · 08/08/2021 06:56

Flashing lights to try to warn is surely sufficient? If this is ignored, you’ve tried.
You need your own bank card for a joint account if you’re a SAHM. You’re in a partnership and if you don’t have access to your own money because of being a SAHM, then you need to sort this.
I’d not be happy if my time and money was used in ‘good turns’. As a PP has said, use your own time and money to do this. As you don’t have to this, then maybe reflect on what you can actually do.

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