Am I doing enough

[user1461609321]

Hi ladies

Don't know if any of you have what I call 'the guilt' of basically feeling like I'm not doing enough

I have 2 primary aged children, full time mentally stressful job etc and still feel like I should or could do more

I constantly compare myself to someone I know running 2 businesses, same amount of kids etc and wonder if I should be getting a part time job or trying to start a business also, thing is I don't think I could cope

One child about to sit the 11+ so that has its own stresses, plus just general life admin never seems to end

Today for example I started school uniform shopping, have cooked dinner etc and am otherwise quite tired

I am mid 30's with husband who pulls his weight etc

Typical week is something like this

Mom-fri (9-5) job which I am WFH at the moment. Often don't log off till 6.30 as in management role and feel this is required

Often make dinner from 6.30-7/ 7.30 DC eat

I do tasks like laundry, general tidying up, then eat, watch something with DH then bed

During school holidays, both DH and I look after DC in between work as he is also WFH.

Friday evening food shop from 8pm, then takeout then bed

Weekends, Saturdays I oversee oldest get ready for tuition for 10am, again more housework

Often pop out to local shop/ town for bits eg stationary, candles etc (today was school uniforms)

Come home around 2/3pm rest till like 5 cook a meal til like 6pm, give kids dinner

Often we go for a walk/ take kids to the park

Me and DH then eat dinner, then bed

On Sunday get kids ready for church for 11.30am, church, return home at 1pm, I then iron school uniforms normally and clean bathroom (obviously not during holidays)

Rest from around 3pm till 5 then give kids dinner and the same evening routine as usual

I feel like I should be doing a part time evening and weekend job for some reason, though also quite tired

I grew up with a mother who worked 3 jobs etc but also feel like it may not have been worthwhile and she missed a lot of us growing up due to work which I don't want to repeat but can't seem to shake the guilt.

We don't technically need more cash or anything but have plans to upsize and change car which obviously would be easier with more cash.

There is no pressure from DH to get another job, and kids hate it even when I do my 9-5 at the office pre Covid so know that they would not want me to work more, so why do I always feel as though I am under performing and may regret not working harder in my old age if I don't achieve the big house etc?

Of course you don't need to work more than one job.
Especially not just because other people do.
You don't even need to work one full time job if you can get by on part time with a slightly lower standard of living.
Work to live, don't live to work.

I know that you are right but not sure how to shake this feeling

I say this gently, but give yourself a fucking break and stop comparing yourself to anyone. You alone are literally sucking the joy out of your own life. You do more than enough, are are more than enough. Go easy on yourself and enjoy your life and family. You will never regret the time spent with them.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

Your friend running two businesses may be desperately unhappy (I mean, hopefully not, but my point is that the running two businesses thing may not be a good thing!)

In the blink of an eye your kids will be all grown up. A parent who is around a lot during their childhood would definitely be preferable to kids.

Also, life is for living… maybe take up a hobby rather than looking to fill more time with work? You already seem to work quite a lot!

I have absolutely no idea why you think you need another job Do you need the extra money or something?

Don't need the extra money but maybe it's a psychological thing of having been raised by someone who coped with numerous jobs at once, and knowing someone else my age who seems to be also more high functioning

You're currently working 9-6.30.

Then evening meals and kids bedtime routine.

Whatever feeling you have when exactly is this feeling telling you to fit it in?

9/10/11pm? For how many hours? How many hours is this feeling telling you to sleep for?

If you can't shift this feeling then I'd look at some counselling sessions to try and work out why you don't think being a FT mum, wife and employee is good enough?

I think you need some hobbies OP

@SoundBar

I think you need some hobbies OP

This. How about some proper fun in your life, which isn’t a dress rehearsal, obvs. Get fulfilment maybe from doing something you love.

You definitely need some hobbies.
Or maybe get your children interested in one hobby or two. You’ll get busier but your children will have some fun so it’s a win win 🤷‍♀️

Sounds like your inner critic is getting the better of you. Whose voice is it? Do you think your mum would be disappointed in you? Your time is precious...give more of it to yourself, your partner and your children. I don't think anyone on their deathbed says, 'I wish I'd worked more hours'....