I think I'm just needing someone to tell me to boss up

[dailydoseses]

I was with my partner who I have 3 kids with for 6 years.

During that time he tried to cheat so many tiems but never succeeded.

During two of my pregnancies he made my life horrible. He was a bully and never even came to our youngest child's birth to get a free tattoo from his friend.

He's now decided to break things off again between us and it's not doubt because of the restrictions in Scotland being lifted on Monday.

I spoken to a girl I think he's talking to, and she's just as bad as he is, I keep asking for the safety of the kids with the virus if he hasn't been distancing or cheating on me can I know. We even discussed us both staying distancing after Monday for the sake of our baby. When I got my first jag through breastfeeding he was sick for about 4 days and so off. So I just don't want that again and potentially worse.

I don't know what to do I feel useless and horrible. He's done this again to me after promising to change. He asked me the other day or move with him and the kids and we had sex only last weekend and I find out there's potentially someone else. He had his best lying face on I just know it in my gut.

All I'm looking for is someone to tell me to boss up.

The worst part is I seen this coming. The girl who i suspect is just a wrong one. Her Instagram stories are her own nudes and she's known for taking married men etc. And he is just up for anyone who won't moan for him to look after his kids.

I know even writing this how pathetic I've been and how used and emotionally abused in this.

I think I just need someone to tell me to boss up.

I do have good friends that tell me these things and are incredible. But I've distanced form them because he'd never let me see them or have any form of a life. I'm useless at reaching out and he's put it in my head no one likes me etc I have no friends, I'm a massive loser. He was all I had.

And it's worked I now feel that exact way.

What is 'boss up'?

Is it 'pull yourself together'? That's what you're going to do, over time. Without him around, it's going to be so much easier. You'll realise that the things he said were rubbish, that you are capable and interesting and you're going to have a life. Ignore him and whatever woman he's interested in. If he has really gone, don't have him back.

your worth so much more, if he has gone see it as a blessing, staying in a situation with that much hostility will do you no good in the end. life is to short, to spend most of it being miserable, questioning yourself, losing friends.
you may be on your own, but you can create a life you will love and so will your children, they'll see a new happy mother and in time you will see it yourself.

be strong and look after yourself x

That's another thing he will be back I think and he bullies me to the point it's easier to take him back than not so I'm scared for that too.

I'm scared of the worthless feeling he gives me during the "lows" and I'm in contrast search of the highs.

Then I'm scared he will come back.

Yeah boss up means to pull yourself together.

He's made me feel worthless and a massive loser. Before I met him I was a law student, with an amazing social life, groups of friends and happy all the time. Now I have no degree, no job and have the kids full time. Lost my friends because he made it that way and I was never allowed a job in case I left him for someone better. I cannot believe this is my life.

I cannot believe who I used to be.

Myself and the kids have also became homeless last week. Landlord is selling up and I cannot eat or sleep in fear. I really need a positive outlook but it isn't coming

Well the alternative is to let him cheat on you ,abuse you and isolate you, and then add In any number of ill effects on your child because of living in an abusive home with a bully for a father and a mother who choose this life for them.

You never meant life to be like this of course,but you have the choice now. Get out now.

Sorry just read again. You have 3 children.

it's easier to take him back than not so I'm scared for that too
No it's not. Don't choose to continue this way of life for your children..please.

Op I have been where you are - I am happy to share all my thoughts on leaving an abusive relationship with children but I am literally just about to walk into the cinema. Pls do pm me if you want any advice or support.

@dailydoseses, feel free to pm me if you ever want to chat xx

@ceffylgwyn20 how to I message people?

just click the message poster xx

@dailydoseses ive just sent u a message, go to my mums net and it should b in there x

I honestly think as soon as you get him out of your life things will start to look up.

Stop being scared reach out to old friends and any family members u have build yourself a strong system and get your life back together. Tell him to do one and work on finding a new place, i dont know if they have citizens advice in Scotland but if they do i suggest you contact them about your housing sitaution asap. Did you landlord go through the proper channels and give you an eviction if not this could buy you some time.

Dont be scared of doing it on your own plenty of single mothers out there who do it on their own and have successful careers. Dont waste your life on someone who brings you down.

BOSS UP for you and your kids, write yourself a list of what u need to do and do it! Dont second guess yourself. You've got this!

@Dina0 thank you for you reply yeah I need to

I spent all day crying I just have no fight
I looked at uni course and police application but I have no fight. I really want to but I just want to sleep until this is over.

Yeah we do I'm trying to phone them tomorrow. Lines are super busy.

Op how are you doing today? Been thinking of you. One amazing life, one chance to enjoy it.