To ask everyone to stop releasing balloons

[Nixandwotsit]

Why - just why - are crowds of people still thinking that it's a good idea to mourn a death or celebrate an occasion by releasing 100's of fucking balloons into the sky? They land, animals get tangled in them, sometimes they eat them or the ribbons, then some of them die. The balloons don't just vanish like magic fairy dust, they lay around for years littering the countryside.
Am I being unreasonable to ask everyone to just think for a few minutes and stop doing this? And don't even get me started on those lethal bloody chinese lanterns.

I don’t agree with balloon releases or lanterns, both dangerous. Some of the wording on this thread feels cruel and very judgmental- twats, dismissing completely that it is hard to intervene when releases give comfort for a bereavement.

Education needs to be widespread. I have no idea whether releases are banned by council - I should along with education about recycling etc sent with/emailed newsletters. Maybe a couple of days as a banner on Council website (currently running Covid update/in winter gritting and school closure). Neither of these will cost the Council more.

You don't like flowers etc left on a grave??

It's the cellophane wrapping. Remember Diana's death and the sea of cellophane?
I don’t agree with balloon releases or lanterns, both dangerous. Some of the wording on this thread feels cruel and very judgmental- twats, dismissing completely that it is hard to intervene when releases give comfort for a bereavement.

I think you are unfair here. Some posters are frustrated and have indeed used strong words for people who do ballon releases, and if you are against judgemental use of words on the whole then maybe you should let it go? Mostly though, it's been a very sedate and considerate discussion and the difficulty of bringing up the subject with bereaved relatives has been addresses. In many cases though it's not only the immediate F + F, it's often grief hangers on who do that.

I agree that with education on the subject, but I want to see that together with administrative measures agains litterers.

Maybe just a blanket ban across the country would hopefully put an end to it?

A blanket ban makes sense because the blasted things blow across council borders.

Drives me insane, the people that release them should get fined for littering.

@NiceGerbil

Sorry Chinese ones.

Paper and I bit of fuel to burn.

That's totally different surely to plastic helium balloons. They also often have metallic coatings.

They are paper but also aluminium tea light or some sort of fuel canister, and sharp bamboo that can hurt animals that try to eat it, as someone mentioned. But the fire hazard of landing in.hayfields or someone's barn/thatched roof is a biggie, too.

@Teaandakitkat

My lovely friend died a few years back. Her kids wanted to release a balloon a few weeks after she died so it could go up to the clouds and she could see it. They were only small and they were so sad so I organised it for them. The 2 of them, their dad, me, their grandma, another good friend. We do it twice a year, on her birthday and when she died. Every year I wonder if its the right time to ask the kids to do something different but I just remember their crushed wee faces when she had just died and I can't say anything. Her oldest dd is now 12 and I wonder if she'll soon think about for herself. Maybe this year I'll say I don't want to do a balloon and I'll do something else instead. I feel like it's time.

So that's one reason why people release balloons I guess. We're not a massive group of 100s of people doing it for Instagram but we are still doing it, maybe 6 balloons twice a year, that's a lot of balloons over the years. No helium though, does that make us any better?

No

Who on earth are the 8%?

Recently banned in Australia. Good thing

@Nanny0gg

Who on earth are the 8%?

The ones who think their grief is more important than the much wider safety and environmental risks. Those who can’t think of a better way of commemorating than to litter!

My council has banned it but only on council property

There's a local boy who has been in hospital for a while and his family did a balloon release to film and "cheer him up"

Reported on by the local rag

The comments were largely critical but the mum and her pals all piled on. No remorse, they didn't care

Not sure whether it was really appropriate for Jonathan Rea to release 200 balloons just now, at least the Czech Republic is pretty far away.

Who on earth are the 8%?

I seem to be the only person here who admits to letting a balloon go twice a year to help a couple of kids remember their mum. Yes it's litter, yes it's not the best way, but in the midst of horrible grief it brought a brief smile and now it's a ritual that probably needs to stop but it's not always that easy. That doesn't make me a twat or an idiot.
They don't have helium in them for someone who asked earlier, we just climb to the top of a hill and watch them blow away in the wind. As often as not I find them burst on a bush just over the hill and try to pick them up without the kids seeing on the way down.
It's stupid, obviously the balloons and messages are never going to get to their dead mum, they're old enough to know that now, but honestly, in the grand scheme of the litter that lies around I don't feel too guilty about 12 balloons a year. I'm going to stop doing one from me but I'm not going to tell the kids to stop. That's up to them and their dad.

@Teaandakitkat

Who on earth are the 8%?

I seem to be the only person here who admits to letting a balloon go twice a year to help a couple of kids remember their mum. Yes it's litter, yes it's not the best way, but in the midst of horrible grief it brought a brief smile and now it's a ritual that probably needs to stop but it's not always that easy. That doesn't make me a twat or an idiot.
They don't have helium in them for someone who asked earlier, we just climb to the top of a hill and watch them blow away in the wind. As often as not I find them burst on a bush just over the hill and try to pick them up without the kids seeing on the way down.
It's stupid, obviously the balloons and messages are never going to get to their dead mum, they're old enough to know that now, but honestly, in the grand scheme of the litter that lies around I don't feel too guilty about 12 balloons a year. I'm going to stop doing one from me but I'm not going to tell the kids to stop. That's up to them and their dad.

If everyone only let 2 balloons each go, that would be 15.8 billion balloons being released in a year.

That doesn't make me a twat or an idiot. Well no, there are other words you could use for someone who knowingly endagers the lives of animals... but none of them are good.

@KatherineOfGaunt I saw that! Scary how they didn't see how it could possibly go wrong..those poor men.
We used to do balloon races in Lower School. Very much doubt that's a thing now..hope not anyway

The lanterns are scary. The amount of fires caused by them. Then that planned festival that was luckily cancelled..but the fact it was organised in the first place bad enough

@Teaandakitkat

Who on earth are the 8%?

I seem to be the only person here who admits to letting a balloon go twice a year to help a couple of kids remember their mum. Yes it's litter, yes it's not the best way, but in the midst of horrible grief it brought a brief smile and now it's a ritual that probably needs to stop but it's not always that easy. That doesn't make me a twat or an idiot.
They don't have helium in them for someone who asked earlier, we just climb to the top of a hill and watch them blow away in the wind. As often as not I find them burst on a bush just over the hill and try to pick them up without the kids seeing on the way down.
It's stupid, obviously the balloons and messages are never going to get to their dead mum, they're old enough to know that now, but honestly, in the grand scheme of the litter that lies around I don't feel too guilty about 12 balloons a year. I'm going to stop doing one from me but I'm not going to tell the kids to stop. That's up to them and their dad.

Honestly I have no sympathy for you or the family doing this. You could easily come up with a different and possibly more long-lasting alternative that wouldn't run the risk of polluting the countryside and killing animals. Just grow a pair and have a discussion with the others in the family who do this, how can anyone knowingly carry on once they've discussed the facts? Think about when the children get older and more aware - and ask you all - why did you keep doing the balloon releases? Young people are getting much more aware of environmental issues these days. As someone else has pointed out - if we all released just a couple of balloons a year where would we be? Nobody is a special case who should get dispensation in this situation. However - hat off to you for being brave enough to express your opinion.

For my mum, nan and two best friends who all died I throw lilies (mum and nans favourite flowers) and roses (for the friends) Into the River Seine. Obviously without any plastic or packages. In my mind they biodegrade. I just want to check this is ok? It’s not something I do every year or anything. Just on occasion since I can’t visit their graves (in England I’m now in France) so where I would normally visit the graves (or it’s an anniversary and I feel like doing something- I don’t always, I try not to remember most of the time) I do the flowers.

Is this ok? They biodegrade right? And don’t harm the fishes? Or anything?

Just that it’s so nice to be able to watch the flowers float down the river. Kind of like they are able to “travel the world” now (silly kind of thing you tell yourself you know) but I have pet birds and fishes and I would hate to harm any if this is harmful to them in the river

For my mum, nan and two best friends who all died I throw lilies (mum and nans favourite flowers) and roses (for the friends) Into the River Seine. Obviously without any plastic or packages. In my mind they biodegrade. I just want to check this is ok? It’s not something I do every year or anything. Just on occasion since I can’t visit their graves (in England I’m now in France) so where I would normally visit the graves (or it’s an anniversary and I feel like doing something- I don’t always, I try not to remember most of the time) I do the flowers.

That seems like a lovely thing to do.

I lived near a very famous person who had extravagant parties. He lived up a hill from me. One evening I looked out of the window and saw hundreds of lit Chinese lanterns floating past my house. It really was the most amazing sight. They all ended up in the field behind my house where livestock were. Luckily none were injured.

Anybody who does it is thoughtless and pretty dim. Plenty of alternatives.

Thank you - I just want to check that it doesn’t harm any wildlife at all. Even a small risk. Because I agree that my grief doesn’t outweigh the potential damage these kinds of things like balloons and lanterns cause. It would never occur to me to ever think- despite me being 13 when I lost my mum and me also losing my nan who was a second mother to me less than a year after losing my best friend and then another lifelong friend 5 or so years later- that this massive piling on to me of death and grief that has happened in my life, outweighs the planet or others lives (Incase of fire) or property or animals.

Like to me, this below is a very emotionally manipulative way of excusing bad behaviours-

Teaandakitkat
God only thickos do this. Twats

Or a young family who have just lost their mum and are trying to cope as best they can.

Yes there are better ways and letting off balloons for virtual strangers or to just be a part of an event is rubbish.

But if it brings someone a scrap of comfort at a shit time in their lives, it's not so black and white.

I’m sorry but it is. Yes it absolutely is black and white. I’m sorry about it and it isn’t a competition of course but given the amount of grief I have had to deal with starting from such a young sensitive age (I was 13) and continuing on, if I thought the way this poster does then I would be letting balloons off twice a year you said? Birthday and death anniversary? So I would be letting off 8 balloons per year IF it was just me doing it alone. You let off I think you said 12. For one person. If it was the same situation you would then have your “not so black and white” emotionally manipulative “excuse” to let off 12 balloons x 4. You’re letting them off for one person twice a year. Imagine if I was you with four people? Twice a year? How excessive.

Grief can’t overshadow everything. And I am so sorry for those kids- trust me I know how they feel. But at the same time - life has to go on. You can’t tiptoe around these children forever. At some point you’ll have to explain to them why you’re changing the commemoration now. Otherwise they will never learn to let go themselves. Grief cannot overshadow the life of everyone else. Otherwise - if we all made excuses for certain damaging behaviour for everyone in the world who experiences the loss of a loved one.. Well we would be fucked quite frankly, wouldn’t we?

I don’t make excuses for my grief. You need to stop making excuses for yours and for those children. They are at an age now to understand perfectly well. It isn’t going to ruin their lives to change it. It isn’t going to damage them emotionally to change it. The emotional damage is already done when their mum died. What change WILL do, is subconsciously help them to start to accept, and move on slowly without losing the ability to celebrate the life of their beloved mum. It will strengthen them.

I don’t treat myself as anything special for my loss. It’s life- crass as it sounds it’s part of life and sooner or later it has to be dealt with. The same applies for these children. Well- teenagers aren’t they now?

So without this excuse now- because you’re not going to “ruin” the small bit of comfort they get from this (trust me losing a mother there IS no comfort, only a way to express sadness) What are you going to do now? Won’t you consider changing it?

Not only good for the environment and animals and safety. Also good for the kids. A step towards change and acceptance.

You say you struggle with ideas around heaven or something similar for them. I’ll share some ideas for you;

*What about planting a “mum garden”. In the back yard. If there isn’t space, in theirs or even your garden that they can visit (you seem to love them very much im sure you won’t mind giving them a bit of space in your garden?) or get a big window basket thing to hang - and make a small mum garden there, with small herbs and small colourful flowers

*Or float flowers down a river if you have one (and if it’s ok without plastic and any packaging) so “mum can travel the world” like I do.

*Or find a tree in a park that they like/ their mum liked/ that has good memories- and make it “mums tree” and put unpacked unwrapped and loose flowers by it each year. And have a nice “mum picnic” by it. Write lovely notes to her together with the picnic and the unpackaged flowers and play her favourite song. Leave the biodegradable flowers but take away and store the notes.

*Go to her favourite spot at night time. (Or even better- just before sunset) and put up a framed picture of her. Light candles. Bring one flower for each person - for example a rose each. Arrange it all nice. And again write a note for her and talk about nice memories. Share stories. Remember her. Whilst watching the sunset together. So “mum can watch the sunset too” with them. Then each person takes their rose and their note to keep by their bedside (the children). And pack away the photo and candles for next time. I did very similar for my lifelong friend who died, next to the Seine.

I can think of a few more if you like? Just. This isn’t the way. Really. I am sorry if I come across crass or hardened but I don’t make excuses for my grief and no one did when I was young when it happened either. It didn’t change anything for me. Had they pandered to my every whim; I would still have lost my mum. You know? Best wishes

What a wonderful post LadyInParis.

@Nixandwotsit

Thank you