Is it wrong to stay with someone for the kids sake?

[MistyMiss]

I am thinking of leaving DH. I have my reasons but don't want to go into it right now (he is lurking) and need to know where I stand.

I am a SAHM with no job to go to. I need to know where I stand financially? DH works, we have a 30k mortgage.

I know this sounds bad but I am totally clueless about bills and stuff & often wonder how I would cope alone - DH sorts everything out financially.

I often wonder if I am better off staying with him for the sake of the kids (and myself as I am so useless) they are used to a nice lifestyle and I don't want to break the family unit but I am truly unhappy.

I guess I am asking the above & AIBU to stay with DH for the kids sake?

Sorry but this was typed rather quickly so apologise for poor grammar and spelling.

hi MM, i can only say what i believe having been a child in a unhappy marriage fo r14 years. My parents only stayed together for the sake of us children. They finally divorced when i was 14, i wish it happened alot sooner. My parents were loving and supportive but i always knew that there was an underlying problem and could pick up the tension, (even tho' parents did best they could to hide it) we had a good life and my mother was in the same situation as you, my fatrher did all thje finacial stuff and gshe hadn't a clue. Its amazing how quickly she learn't! she transfered mortgage and is still living in the same house 15 years on, she has mett a lovely man who treats her right and gives her confidence and security. I wish she had done this years ago. I don't have anything to do with my father but feel if they had seperated earlier i might still have a relationship with him. I can't tell you what to do as you are the one living it, but IMHO as an adult who is f**d up about relationships and family units i say staying togetther for the sake of the children is not a good one.

hope that makes sense, have just re read it and noticed the few typo's, sorry.

i think it's admirable if you can stay together for the sake of the children and maintain a happy house but I also think it's nigh on impossible to do. And as jo25 says, you can never fool the children.

I really really would go to Relate if I were you. They will see you on your own and as well as helping you explore your problems emotionally they can probably point you in the right direction with regard to practical issues like finances.

My parents separated a month after my youngest brother graduated from uni, having been unhappy for 15-20 years. It poisoned the house and I remember announcing to all and sundry when I was 11 (at a family gathering) that they should just get it over with and get divorced.
My mum has early onset dementia now and only had about five years good health afterwards to enjoy fully. I can't help but think what a waste.

My parents did it, and I did it, even after swearing that I never would, and IMO it just makes everyone unhappy in the long run.

My parents eventually split when I was 11, but I wish they had done it years sooner.

I think there are too many people ready to walk away from marriage these days. Obviously if he's abusive or something I wouldn't recommend staying, but if there's nothing that terrible going on, 'for the sake of the kids' seems a good enough reason to try and make it work.

I agree with everyone else, don't stay for the kids sake they won't thank you for it (speaking from experience here too though mine did it when i was 7 so not as damaging)

Don't worry about not knowing how to do things you will soon learn and its really not as hard as you think.

Growing up in a happy house with good role models is important, money is not.

Thanks everyone that replied.

Yomellamohelly - do you think there is any connection with being unhappy in marriage/relationship and in developing dementia later on in life.

I only ask because I know of 3 couples that have had 'not good' marriages that have ended in divorce - and later on in life to end up with dementia.