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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

HPV positive after cervical smear. Feeling like a leper. I've been single for years, feeling angry that i'm now at risk of C Cancer

32 replies

wobblywinelover · 07/08/2021 00:40

Anyone else had a HPVplus diagnosis despite not being sexually active? I gave up on men about 5 plus years ago due to traumatic experiences and have realised I can just never go there again. Now I have the trauma of having to go for yearly smear tests which are really difficult for me (talking pillow raises, rare size winterton speculum, lots of pain) I've got to do this shit show now every year yet men walk around in apparent ignorance is bliss attitude or denial and carry on infecting others unknowingly. Meanwhile i'm having to go for yearly smears in case I get cancer. How on earth is this fair. Before people have a go, yes I do use protection and yes I am very rarely sexually active. I know you can pick it up if you wear a condom. I also know it's very common. But it puts me off ever having sex again (that along with the sex dick picks you get sent on dating sites - men don't seem to care what germs they pick up) Put off for life and now worrying about my physical health. Can't be good can it.

OP posts:

PurpleishDahlia · 07/08/2021 00:54

I got the same diagnosis as you 11 years ago, picked up in a colposcopy.
I can only share my personal experience. Initially I was shocked and put off sex too. Eventually after talking things through with my gynecologist I calmed down and I came to accept it's a fairly common thing. I've been doing my yearly tests and looking at the abnormal cells myself through the camera which is -to me- quite interesting. They seem to be receding very slowly. Doctor says they will likely go away with when menopause hits. I hardly ever think about it now but I was very upset in the beginning and I completely understand how you feel.

TheVanguardSix · 07/08/2021 01:17

I understand your feelings completely. I'm 49 now and was diagnosed at 21 (I'd only ever had one boyfriend and he was the one I was with at that time). We used condoms (which never broke) even though I was on the pill. I knew he had genital warts in uni- he'd been very open about this with me, hence our cautious use of condoms. He was 26 at the time.
I was devastated at the time and had a bad flare again when I was 24, resulting in internal laser treatment. There's probably better terminology but it's so long ago now, I don't quite remember.
The best advice I was given was by a gynecologist in Italy when I was 25. Keep up my immune system. Sleep! Don't maul my body with late nights, partying, etc. Eat well, sleep well, take zinc (25mgs per day), stay well, don't kill your immune system, and eventually, the virus will leave your system.
I had my annual smears until about the age of 38, when, after 9 years of normal annual smears, I was put back onto the routine smear schedule of every 3 years. I haven't had a flare-up since I was 29 and that's 20 years ago now. I've married, had children, etc. For the record, I worked for the NHS for several years doing patient data and HPV is insanely common. Almost everyone has it, to be honest.
In my youth, 'typing' wasn't a thing yet. Now you can find out what strain of HPV you have, which is really helpful. I really wish I knew because I do worry, even to this day. My smears continue to be normal but I am secretly a bit anxious whenever I have one. I assume it's left my system, the HPV, but I can't say for certain.
You do learn to live with HPV and I really believe it can eventually leave your system. Keep your health and wellness up OP. You really will lead a totally normal, happy life. I know it's a bit of a shock now, but you'll find in time that actually, all you need to ever do is stay on top of your smears and look after yourself. It certainly won't get in the way of having a good sex life and healthy, loving relationships.

TheVanguardSix · 07/08/2021 01:23

And the thing about men, that I've learned, is that so many don't display any symptoms. Some do. But many are blissfully unaware and it's not fair at all. More often women display symptoms but in some cases we don't. Mostly, we do though.
I understand your resentment completely.
I do hope you get past it.
I did. Meeting loving partners really helped me enjoy that side of living again but it took a while. I was glad my boyfriend had been totally transparent with me and we were very careful... we tried our best but with HPV, sometimes your best isn't good enough.

WillowGrand · 07/08/2021 01:30

I felt this was about herpes until you realise (Google it!!) MOST people will be infected with HPV at some point in their lives MOST. And most people will carry Herpes too.

Even the NHS website says so. You really aren’t a leper. Sorry about the smears though, I really don’t understand the new process when most people will get it…

Original poster

wobblywinelover · 07/08/2021 01:39

Thanks so far. Just makes me think i'm never going to have sex again, I don't want to. I don't want to meet a man again. This is common then? Well it will commonly be found in sexual partners again then. Having sex in the future will make me at risk of it. Having sex and getting very common HPV puts me at risk of cancer. It's almost like smoking then isn't it. Why would I want to do it again? Why is it not different to smoking! I gave up that in april because of HPV and other things. But do I give up everything and stay away from everyone and have no life? Thankfully most of the sex i've had with men has been shit anyway so i'm not missing it but I didn't think I would have to cut this deadline as the end at 46. I'm not having men putting me at risk of cancer now too ( not to mention abuse but that's another topic)

OP posts:

NiceGerbil · 07/08/2021 01:41

Vast majority of population have HPV.

'You can get HPV from:

any skin-to-skin contact of the genital area
vaginal, anal or oral sex
sharing sex toys
HPV has no symptoms, so you may not know if you have it.

It's very common. Most people will get some type of HPV in their life.'

It's the same type of virus (think it's a virus!) that causes warts coldsores etc. It sort of hangs around often with no symptoms and makes periodic comebacks.

There's no reason to feel the way you do.

Try reading NHS and other reputable sites to put mind at rest.

Original poster

wobblywinelover · 07/08/2021 01:42

@WillowGrand

I felt this was about herpes until you realise (Google it!!) MOST people will be infected with HPV at some point in their lives MOST. And most people will carry Herpes too.

Even the NHS website says so. You really aren’t a leper. Sorry about the smears though, I really don’t understand the new process when most people will get it…

I don't need to GOOGLE it. Thankyou

OP posts:

NiceGerbil · 07/08/2021 01:42

OP your reaction is extreme and disproportionate.

Do you suffer from anxiety?

NiceGerbil · 07/08/2021 01:43

Your reaction and posts show that you don't have info though.

Why not Google it?

catnidge · 07/08/2021 01:45

Men do also get hpv cancers. Hopefully with the hpv vaccine, hpv cancers will now decline.

Sorry about the smears, its a pain but we'll worth having them done. Hpv can hang about for years and do nothing, only for some people will it become cancer. Your immune system may clear iit between smears.
Hpv doesn't have symptoms so many people will have it but not know it.

StressyWoman · 07/08/2021 02:30

I got diagnosed with HPV after my first smear a few years ago and felt the same. I didn’t have it at my following one and don’t need to be seen for years now. It’s very common.

Elclr · 07/08/2021 02:37

I had HPV on my second smear test. Colcoscopy and biopsy showed it wasn't pre cancerous. I felt the same, but after researching I realised how common it is.

Most people will get it at some point and your immune system will normally clear it. By my next smear I had a clean bill of health.

Porcupineintherough · 07/08/2021 02:48

The man you caught it from probably had no symptoms and caught it from a woman with no symptoms. Sorry you drew the short straw.

OrganicAvocado · 07/08/2021 02:53

You need to remember that cervical cancer is pretty rare, whilst abnormal cervical cells ( and HPV) are very common. I was diagnosed with abnormal cells and had regular biopsies for 6 years but then clear smears since then. I was (at one point) diagnosed with CIN3 and told I needed surgery (LEEP) to remove the cells. I went for a second opinion and was told that different labs analyse samples differently with different cut-off points, and that they have a quota of cases to fill, so if they haven’t caught enough cases they’ll reduce their threshold and invent some extra ones. This is what my GP at the time explained. Anyhow, I didn’t have any surgery and my mildly abnormal cells reverted to normal within 6 years of my first abnormal smear. Presumably since I received an all clear smear they also no longer found HPV present, although I think it can lie dormant. At the time I was first diagnosed I had never had unprotected sex.

FizzyTango · 07/08/2021 07:21

I was had this when I tested HPV positive at a few years ago. I massively panicked, but I read loads of medical literature and the link between HPV and cervical cancer is really strongly affected by smoking. Smoking down-regulates long term viral immunity, so these latent viruses such as HPV can really get a hold and go missed by your immune system. That was the kick I needed to give up social smoking.
Am no longer positive, so don’t panic, it does/can go away. As a previous poster said, look after your body and be kind to it. Hopefully that will help.

cookiecreampie · 07/08/2021 08:39

Most people who have had sex have it at some point. I had it a few years ago, but not anymore. It's nothing to worry about, try and calm down.

Macncheeseballs · 07/08/2021 09:22

I don't consider something that could potentially save my life 'a shit show'

Trinacham · 07/08/2021 09:30

Might be worth buying a HPV self-testing kit if you don't like attending smears every year. But obviously, if you do test positive again, you would need to go for a smear anyway. I choose to do them instead of going for a smear as my only partner was a virgin before me. So the likelihood of me actually getting HPV is very, very low.

WillowGrand · 07/08/2021 10:52

Sorry I didn’t mean to offend you when I said Google it, I was being supportive!

Trinacham · 07/08/2021 11:00

@WillowGrand to be fair, it was clear you said it in a friendly, supportive manner. The reaction was extreme in my opinion!

YoungGun95 · 07/08/2021 11:03

YANBU!!!! Just another way in which women have drawn the short straw in my opinion. Man has HPV? No problem. Woman has HVP caught from man? Can result in cancer. Honestly if there's a life after this one I'm not coming back unless I can be a man next time.

I'm so bitter if you can't tell.

blubberyboo · 07/08/2021 13:45

Yabvu.

You are just as likely to have given HpV to a male partner as him to you and he may have then carried it to another female partner.

Men can get penile cancer from HPV. There are also many cancers that only men get so it’s not a mans world as far as cancer is concerned eg prostrate and testicular.

As others have pointed out HPV is very common. My nurse told me 95% of the population carry it just like chickenpox.

You are very lucky to have a healthcare system that checks you every year.

Most of us go through this at some point.

Crockof · 07/08/2021 13:50

Men get hpv cancer, mainly oral cancer but penile as well, a good friend is currently going through treatment due to hpv penile cancer. Boys now get vaccinated against HPV.

I'm sorry you are going through a tough time.

Babyroobs · 07/08/2021 13:54

I was shocked to find I had HPV at a recent smear test. I've been Dh for 22 years and am confident neither of us have had other sexual partners. DH is the only partner I have slept with. How has this happened or has it been laid dormant for years?

Twokitstwokats · 07/08/2021 14:05

I don't understand the drama. I had this picked up when I was in my 20s. I then had 6 monthly smears and was grateful for them. No one ever made me feel like a leper. I didn't even tell later partners as it was a non issue. After a few years I was told all normal and go back to hardly ever smears. It's been about 3 years. I suppose I should book another.

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