Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to report this to their parents?

27 replies

opkookten · 06/08/2021 20:54

DS is 16, he's autistic, although he did go to a mainstream school.

I checked his phone as I usually do. He was in a chat with a group of boys. I read some of the messages and they were all laughing at DS, calling him the wrong name (changing a letter) and whenever he said that wasn't his name and he didn't know who that was, they said it was him and called him stupid etc.

But they then started saying sexual things to DS, one of them realised it was wrong and told them to leave DS alone, they obviously didn't listen, they then started sending pictures of women in bikinis etc, and videos of porn, DS told them to stop, but they didn't listen and carried on until they got bored.

Aibu to want to report it to the parents of these boys? I just feel so sad for DS

OP posts:
Piggy42 · 06/08/2021 20:57

I would absolutely raise it - either to the school or to the parents if you’re comfortable with that. I’m sorry for your ds. Horrible, bullying behaviour.

Panickingpavlova · 06/08/2021 20:58

Is he at school now?
I'd be inclined to let the school know in any case even if they have left.
Legally is this allowed? Sending inappropriate stuff?

Panickingpavlova · 06/08/2021 20:59

Have you got the screen shots.
It terrifies me how vulnerable people are and how evil and nasty others are also.

NoYOUbekind · 06/08/2021 20:59

100% raise it with school. Wee fuckers.

Evenstar · 06/08/2021 21:00

Will he be going to college with them? I might be tempted to contact someone from pastoral care there and let them know this has happened over the holidays. They might be able to arrange tutor groups so he isn’t with them much and they could keep an eye out for bullying.

Depending on the material they sent it could be a police matter.

budgun · 06/08/2021 21:04

First and foremost teach him how to leave. He needs to know it's ok to remove himself. I wouldn't contact parents, it's unlikely you will get the response you want, most will just fly on the defensive - particularly where 16 year olds are involved. I would absolutely raise it with school/college though.

Still1nLove · 06/08/2021 21:17

Yes, I’d raise it with their parents if I knew them.

I would let the school/college of their treatment of a vulnerable person.

Original poster
opkookten · 06/08/2021 22:10

Yes, they will be going to college with him, which I'm now worried about.

OP posts:
minionsrule · 06/08/2021 23:06

How awful OP.
As the mum of a 16 Yr old ds I would want you to tell me and I would be mortified, I can still give him a bollocking even at 16.
Agree to encouraging him to leave these group chats in fact he might want to leave and block their numbers anyway, they don't sound like friends at all

pinkstripeycat · 06/08/2021 23:25

They are very immature. I have 2
teenage DS and the students at their school support any students with special needs. They are all very sensible about it realising that they are and will be the vulnerable people in society

VenusTiger · 06/08/2021 23:45

In your case, I'd ring each parent(s) and tell them their son is a bully and they need to grow the hell up, they're 16!
End of conversation.
Good luck OP - your son needs you to step in.

worriedatthemoment · 06/08/2021 23:52

I would want to know if my 16 year old ds was doing this but appreciate that some parents prob don't care

Thierryhenryneedisaymore · 07/08/2021 01:01

Fucking evil bastards. I would be livid. Do you have any knowledge of any of them, what's your gut feeling on how they may respond if you contact the parents.? I can't imagine having a child capable of that, but honestly if i was told one of mine had done something like that, i would absolutely punish it really very severely. Would be surprised if every parent was defensive. Clearly there was one in the group who knew it was wrong but it's pretty fucking grim that it was only one.

So, so sorry for you but step in for him. I would really try to put distance between them.

Wishing you luck, please let us know how it goes.

Dfdsdfds · 07/08/2021 06:28

This is a more serious matter than the boys realise as it might amount to a hate crime and a criminal offence
www.cps.gov.uk/crime-info/hate-c How you handle it is up to your judgement OP.

At the very least the boys need to cease, desist and apologise. Talking to the parents is sadly unlikely to achieve this outcome.

I would consider talking to the police for advice and ask them to warn the boys that any repetition will result in criminal proceedings

LublinToDublin · 07/08/2021 06:37

Firstly make sure you have screenshots or take photos of the messages.

LadyPenelope68 · 07/08/2021 06:44

Let the parents know and also contact college and speak to them about it.

happinessischocolate · 07/08/2021 06:53

I have a 16 year old ds, and him as his mates can be immature twats when together but I would definitely give him a bollocking if he was involved in that kind of behaviour.

I would take screen shots and send them to the parents with a "I thought you would want to know this is what your son has been doing" some will defend their precious boys, but hopefully enough of the parents will tell theirs off.

ittakes2 · 07/08/2021 07:06

I would raise it with the school and get their advice as they would have been there before - it could go all wrong raising it with the parents and make it worse for your poor son. Also if the school know they can keep an eye out for him.

Balgoresboy · 07/08/2021 07:08

If they are still at school then report it to safeguarding and the latter is pretty improved and intense in UK schools these days compared to years ago as many of us knew it.

But I would by all means inform parents but when you do be assertive and nice over it and you most of them then should be on your side, do not come in with a hostile and aggressive approach. But rather outline what happened and how your son is vulnerable etc. If they are hostile then that's their bad behaviour, not yours. You are protecting your son like any of them would.

Balgoresboy · 07/08/2021 07:11

''As the mum of a 16 Yr old ds I would want you to tell me and I would be mortified, I can still give him a bollocking even at 16.''

16 is still very much a child, most 16 yos I know the parents are very much still in authority of them and would have no bother taking ownership of their kid. It baffles me the attitude on mn that 16 yos are independent adults.

happinessischocolate · 07/08/2021 07:49

@Balgoresboy

''As the mum of a 16 Yr old ds I would want you to tell me and I would be mortified, I can still give him a bollocking even at 16.''

16 is still very much a child, most 16 yos I know the parents are very much still in authority of them and would have no bother taking ownership of their kid. It baffles me the attitude on mn that 16 yos are independent adults.

It's not just an attitude in MN, I know parents who have pretty much washed their hands of their sons behaviour as soon as they went to secondary school and started going out hanging around with their mates. They have the attitude of well what can you do, hence the local fb groups having pictures of teenagers misbehaving and no parent taking responsibility.

One parent did march his son round to someone's house to make him apologise after he was caught in the ring doorbell kicking their plant pots. But there's many that wouldn't.

I know of a mother who when told her 11 year old was sending dick pics replied "nothing to do with me love " and walked off

SimonJT · 07/08/2021 07:51

Surely sending a 16 year old porn is illegal? That should be reported to the police.

50ShadesOfCatholic · 07/08/2021 08:06

Take screen shots. Share with school and other parents.

Tiana4 · 07/08/2021 08:28

Don't take screen shots!!

Another PP above us right- these other 16 /17 year old boys are committing criminal offences- it's a hate crime and a safeguarding with multiple offences

Report this safeguarding to the police - they will deal with the rest of it

50ShadesOfCatholic · 07/08/2021 08:35

@Tiana4

Don't take screen shots!!

Another PP above us right- these other 16 /17 year old boys are committing criminal offences- it's a hate crime and a safeguarding with multiple offences

Report this safeguarding to the police - they will deal with the rest of it

Why not?

When this happened to my child I did exactly this. Worked a treat with other parents, school and police. No denying a screen shot.