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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Advice on dealing with my neighbour

46 replies

QuestionableMouse · 06/08/2021 17:55

New woman moved into my small street just before Covid started. Noting suits her and I'm sick to death of her getting in my case. We're quite rural and the street has a bit of an unusual layout (will add a diagram!)

In that time we've had

-Multiple notes about the bins being left near her house. I knocked and explained that it's just where the bin men leave them and if I'm at work when they come, it has the stay there until I get home.

A complaint to the council about another house's rubble sack (the big ones that get lifted like skips). She used my name and address to make the complaint and the neighbour was and still is very short with me. The rubble bags were still in use at the time.

-Multiple complaints about my dog making hers bark when I walk past. Due to the layout of the street, I have no other choice but to pass her house.

-Came over and had a go at me because I'd backed my car up to my garden gate to unload a washing machine. I was parked on the grass verge but I actually own it and it's listed in my house deeds.

Today's last straw was her coming over to complain about my new gazebo that I've got in the garden. My next door neighbour doesn't mind at all (I checked before I bought it) but she thinks it's unsightly and is planning to complain about it to the council.

This house has been in my family for 50+ years and we've never had this much trouble with a neighbour. I lost the plot this morning with her and told her to mind her own business.

Apart from ignoring her, is there anything else that I can do?

OP posts:

Generalpost · 06/08/2021 18:06

For one thing write to the council and inform them that you did not make a complaint and report her for using your address. Is she doing the same to other neighbours as well?

fiorentina · 06/08/2021 18:12

She sounds like she has a lot of issues, nothing you are doing sounds antisocial. I’d just be polite but ignore her to be honest.

Unhomme · 06/08/2021 18:15

I wouldn't even be polite. Tell her to piss off.

Complaining that your dog makes hers bark. Ffs.

AtomicSquirrel3 · 06/08/2021 18:18

I'd build a lovely gazebo and really piss her off!

Flowerlane · 06/08/2021 18:21

I would tell her unless she stops complaining you will be complaining to the council about her constant harassment and also using your name and address fraudulently.

ChilliChoco · 06/08/2021 18:22

Tell her you are logging every single time she comes and harasses you and you will complain to the police about her. See Protection from Harassment Act 1997

EL8888 · 06/08/2021 18:23

@Unhomme yep all l can think is to tell her to piss off and get a life. She sounds exceptionally hard work and annoying

WeAreTheHeroes · 06/08/2021 18:24

@Flowerlane

I would tell her unless she stops complaining you will be complaining to the council about her constant harassment and also using your name and address fraudulently.

This - but complain to the neighbourhood policing team about her harassment.

Freddiefox · 06/08/2021 18:25

I’d would write the the council and the neighbour and explain that you didn’t complain and she used your address illegally.

Other than that, I’d stop answering my door. I’d disengage with her completely.

OlympicProcrastinator · 06/08/2021 18:29

I’d tell the other neighbour it wasn’t you that complained and your name was used fraudulently for a start.

You’ve told her to piss off and leave you alone already. Hopefully that should do it. If not, keep a log of all the silly complaints and tell her you’ll be doing her for harassment if she doesn’t take your advice to piss off.

Cherryana · 06/08/2021 18:32

She is unhinged.
You will never be friends.
Grey Rock.
Log all her stupidity. Beware of making anything official unless it gets criminal as you have to declare neighbour disputes if you want to sell your house.
Try to make up with other neighbours- maybe by explaining to them how hard she is making life for you. It might illicit sympathy for you and melt their misplaced anger. It will also help if you have an ally - strength in numbers and all that.

Jerima · 06/08/2021 18:35

Put a note in your window saying that you have withdrawn her implied right of access and if she comes on to your property again it's trespass

Titterofwit · 06/08/2021 18:37

I would be 'worried' about her if she next approached me with a complaint.
I mean - its not normal to be so annoyed by day to day things so the only explanation is that maybe she has some mental health problems/early onset dementia symptoms. Would she like me to get in touch with social services to come and check her out so she has peace of mind.
Depending on her age this is likely to put a stop to her gallop.
Well it did my neighbour anyway.

Snaketime · 06/08/2021 18:39

I would complain to the council about her first, I would also tell them that it has come to your attention that one of your neighbours made a complaint and used your name and address fraudulently.

godmum56 · 06/08/2021 18:40

be careful. I would certainly make clear to the council that you did not complain about the rubble sack BUT I know for a fact that complaints to the council are confidential and the complainant's ID is NOT revealed to the person complained about....so did the council screw up badly or did nasty neighbour tell rubble sack lady that you had complained? And how did you know she used your address? did the council contact you to respond to the complaint? and if they did, why did you not tell them then that it wasn't you? Confused.com!

If you are thinking you might ever move then be careful aboutdoing any formal complaining as you will have to declare when selling.
OH PS "doing people for harassment" is not as easy as it may sound.

BlueSurfer · 06/08/2021 18:42

I would report her to the council for fraudulently using your name and address. Ask them to check with you if any further complaints come in to make sure they are legitimate. Let your other neighbour know this.

Tell her you are now putting together a case against her for harassment and rather than talking to you, she needs to put everything in writing so you have it as evidence and let her know your cctv will timestamp when she leaves the letter at your house. Then get a ring doorbell and ignore her in future.

30degreesandmeltinghere · 06/08/2021 18:42

Headphones on if there is the slightest chance you may see her... Ignore ignore ignore
..

ElephantCup · 06/08/2021 18:47

@AtomicSquirrel3

I'd build a lovely gazebo and really piss her off!

And add gnomes and plastic flamingos

Lifeishitsometimes · 06/08/2021 18:48

I would totally grey rock her. Complete blank when dealing directly with her. Just don't react or speak when she moans and complains. Just look impassive.

It's hard at first but it is very powerful and you won't look back.

The neighbour who she tried to implicate you with, I'd have round for a drink and explain the situation and that it was not you.

lazee · 06/08/2021 18:50

@BlueSurfer

This 100 %

Lifeishitsometimes · 06/08/2021 18:50

I really, really wouldn't engage in any way with the council or with her. It won't end well. You won't win because she is just looking for a row and will find one with the person who reacts. You can't win her over with reasonableness.

GloriousGoosebumps · 06/08/2021 18:51

She's certainly an interesting personalty and clearly hasn't realised that there are better ways of dealing with things. Why do you think she used your name and address to make the complaint? On the face of it, she wouldn't have been embarrassed about the complaint so why not own it?

ParistoLondon · 06/08/2021 18:54

She sounds delightful! I'm impressed you didn't tell her off sooner, I would have. I feel as if this woman might have too much time on her hands, I genuinely don't know anyone who would go through all that faff just to get their way.

Bananalanacake · 06/08/2021 18:55

Thankfully I've never had a neighbour like this, I am the type of person who would react very dramatically just to see what she does, when she complains about the dog,, "OK, I'll get my sister to come and collect him now and he can live with her" (while pulling out my phone).
The gazeebo, "I will get it taken down right now, can't spoil your view can we"
The car on the verge "I will get the council to tow it away now, how selfish of me to park my car near my home"
Of course you don't have to do any of this, this is what I would do, everyone is different when dealing with twats.

godmum56 · 06/08/2021 19:03

@ParistoLondon

She sounds delightful!

I'm impressed you didn't tell her off sooner, I would have. I feel as if this woman might have too much time on her hands, I genuinely don't know anyone who would go through all that faff just to get their way.

oh I do! been there done that had all the stress. "Telling off" is so not a good idea. Definitely do not engage.

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