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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be worried about unvaccinated pregnant sibling on extended family holiday?

22 replies

WinnieLoves · 06/08/2021 17:28

I struggle with health anxiety so may need a bit of perspective on whether this is a normal worry or not.

In a week, around 30 of our extended family will be staying together for a week in a big house for my uncle’s 60th. My sister will be 36 weeks pregnant.

She has chosen not to get vaccinated until after the birth. Her opinion on the vaccine is “Why risk it?” I feel quite differently, and don’t think her and her DH have been reading the same research I have. But it’s their decision, so I haven’t brought up my personal feelings on covid vaccinations in pregnancy with them.

The holiday has been planned for ages (although obviously for a good while we thought it wouldn’t be going ahead due to covid rules on groups). I had just assumed that unvaccinated 36 week pregnant DSis would be opting out of the trip and into full isolation mode. But yesterday she announced in the group chat that they are coming but will “keep their distance and not hug anyone”.

I am worried firstly because not hugging anybody isn’t going to make any difference when you are sharing the same inside spaces - we’ve known for a long while that it’s an airborne virus and I’m not sure if she knows it won’t make a difference or whether it’s my place to say. And secondly because half the party are children, from mid teenager down to babies and toddlers, including my own 3 kids, and I know how rife covid currently is amongst this unvaccinated age group (before summer holidays it was circulating the local schools like wildfire with covid bubbles breaking every few days).

Everyone else is double vaccinated apart from the under 18s. I am worried that DSis and BIL have lulled themselves into a false sense of security thinking that not touching / hugging will be enough.

I feel really uneasy about mixing with my sister. I have contemplating us not going and keeping my children away, because I would hate to pass any germs on at this stage, but even with us staying away there will still be 25 adults and children mixing.

I also feel that it isn’t my place to be worried or to say anything and that I should just be quiet and respect their decisions. What would you do in this scenario?

OP posts:
TwoAndAnOnion · 06/08/2021 17:31

As you mentioned - it's her decision.

She knows the risks and the consequences. I assume her choice is an informed one

UDontDans2Tekno · 06/08/2021 17:31

Its not your decision (as you say).

Its OK to worry, but theres nothing you can do, or should do.

NailsNeedDoing · 06/08/2021 17:31

She’s made a perfectly normal and understandable decision. I’d do nothing really, carry on as normal and except try to manage the anxiety.

PickleAF · 06/08/2021 17:33

I'd be quiet and respect their decisions! The information on vaccines during pregnancy is varied and not all sending the same message from what I've personally read. At 36 weeks her decision is clearly made, and I'm guessing it has been discussed between her / her partner / her midwife.

I'm sure there's things you can do to help yourself with the anxiety you have around this situation, I'm not sure the best idea would be to project your anxiety about it onto your DSis! Smile

Sceptre86 · 06/08/2021 17:33

I wouldn't do anything. You should go and enjoy yourself. I don't think she will appreciate your concerns or that your health anxiety extends towards her. Ultimately she is an adult and this is a risk she is willing to take.

I am at the same gestation as her and would absolutely not be mixing with so many people but I chose to get vaccinated too. We all assess risk differently.

If you opt out or raise it with her you run the risk of coming across as if you know better or she is being negligent and that's not go down so well, she might then feel defensive.

Go and have fun.

EL8888 · 06/08/2021 17:34

I would do nothing. It’s up to her and her husband ultimately

amylou8 · 06/08/2021 17:36

Her decision, and not your place to be trying to tell her otherwise. If you're worried stay at home.

AtLeastPretendToCare · 06/08/2021 17:37

It is her decision. And I’m more sympathetic to pregnant women holding off than general refuseniks. However I would be encouraging everyone to do a lateral flow test before they arrive to minimise risks.

Original poster
WinnieLoves · 06/08/2021 17:38

Thanks for being kind in the replies. I do get CBT to try and address my health anxiety, and I am conscious of not wanting to project my anxieties onto other people, which I think I would be doing here if I mentioned it to my sister.

OP posts:
Topofthepopicles · 06/08/2021 17:46

I think you need to respect her decision and the risks she is and isn’t willing to take. She knows the children haven’t been vaccinated so she is willingly taking that risk. As a grown up she gets to make that call.
In your shoes I’d suggest everyone do LFT prior to arrival to help reduce the risk.

hullaballoo19 · 06/08/2021 18:19

I agree with pp that it's her decision.

The only thing I can think that you could do would be to do lateral flow tests before you go (and possibly during if you wanted to). At least that way you can alleviate some of your anxiety over you or your children passing it on to her.

I hope you have a nice holiday 😊

WhatWouldKalindaDo · 06/08/2021 18:42

Data on pregnant women is never clear regarding vaccines and medicine. Anecdotal evidence emerges over time, but there won't be a huge amount of information on pregnant women being vaccinated against Covid available right now.

I personally wouldn't risk a Covid vaccine either if I was pregnant and I think you should be a bit more understanding.

EdgeOfACoin · 06/08/2021 18:51

@WhatWouldKalindaDo

Data on pregnant women is never clear regarding vaccines and medicine. Anecdotal evidence emerges over time, but there won't be a huge amount of information on pregnant women being vaccinated against Covid available right now.

I personally wouldn't risk a Covid vaccine either if I was pregnant and I think you should be a bit more understanding.

The advice from RCOG is for pregnant women to get the vaccine. There is a lot of data coming from the US, which has been vaccinating pregnant women since January, to indicate that the vaccine is safe.

I am just making this point in case any pregnant women are reading this thread and worrying about it.

OP, I'm with you - there's a proven risk of catching COVID while pregnant. I am pregnant myself and consider it far better to be vaccinated than to risk getting the virus with no protection.

BlueSurfer · 06/08/2021 18:56

It’s her decision and her risk to take. Don’t forget that a lot of heavily pregnant women were advised against getting vaccinated in the early days so followed that medical advice and now there has been a u turn some are struggling with which advice to believe.

PurpleMustang · 06/08/2021 19:11

It really, really is not your place to say anything. I am sure they would have been given medical advice on the vaccine. Even if she had had of had the vaccine though it is not a 100% so it would still be a decision to go or not which they have decided to.

AHobbyaweek · 06/08/2021 19:19

I have also made the decision not to vaccinate in pregnancy. I also think it is up to each woman and there is advice and data out there to read and make their own decision.

It is her decision and I would not be happy if you were telling me I shouldn't do x y or a because you think I should be vaccinated or isolate.

I do sympathise with you though as I have anxiety for other reasons and it is never truly rational and I have to work at not projecting it so get why it is hard.

Pancakeorcrepe · 06/08/2021 19:20

It’s not an airborne virus.

Magicpaintbrush · 06/08/2021 19:25

I've had both vaccines, however if I was pregnant I have to admit I would think twice and possibly would wait until after the baby had arrived. I've heard so many women say that their periods have been affected in weird ways since having the vaccine, even women who are well past the menopause who have started bleeding again, and I just think no, if I was pregnant I wouldn't risk it. That is the ONLY instance in which I wouldn't have the vaccine. I just can't help but wonder whether in years to come these side effects with people's periods will turn out to be something more, I hope we don't end up with people suffering from fertility problems or anything like that, but it does make me nervous about DD being vaccinated eventually, I'm really not sure about it. Like your sibling I care more about my child than myself.

rosegoldivy · 06/08/2021 19:43

@Magicpaintbrush

I've had both vaccines, however if I was pregnant I have to admit I would think twice and possibly would wait until after the baby had arrived. I've heard so many women say that their periods have been affected in weird ways since having the vaccine, even women who are well past the menopause who have started bleeding again, and I just think no, if I was pregnant I wouldn't risk it. That is the ONLY instance in which I wouldn't have the vaccine. I just can't help but wonder whether in years to come these side effects with people's periods will turn out to be something more, I hope we don't end up with people suffering from fertility problems or anything like that, but it does make me nervous about DD being vaccinated eventually, I'm really not sure about it. Like your sibling I care more about my child than myself.
I fully agree with everything above.

I was offered the vaccine when I was 32 weeks pregnant with my twins and refused it. I spoke to my midwife at the time about it and she said if she was in the same position and was pregnant she would not be getting it regardless of wither or not it was advised. Keep in mind the vaccine at present is a trial (which has obviously been approved) until 2023. So no matter what the guidance and advisement are, it is still a trial and absolutely No1 knows the long term affects it will have.

I also got my Jag 3 weeks after the twins so I'm in no way an anti Vax but it also plays on my mind the long term affects for the future generation.

Oogachuckachopsy · 06/08/2021 20:24

@Magicpaintbrush

I've had both vaccines, however if I was pregnant I have to admit I would think twice and possibly would wait until after the baby had arrived. I've heard so many women say that their periods have been affected in weird ways since having the vaccine, even women who are well past the menopause who have started bleeding again, and I just think no, if I was pregnant I wouldn't risk it. That is the ONLY instance in which I wouldn't have the vaccine. I just can't help but wonder whether in years to come these side effects with people's periods will turn out to be something more, I hope we don't end up with people suffering from fertility problems or anything like that, but it does make me nervous about DD being vaccinated eventually, I'm really not sure about it. Like your sibling I care more about my child than myself.
I came here to basically say this. I’m so so so pro the vaccine, am double jabbed and still would hesitate at that late stage of my pregnancy. I’d wait the few weeks and then get it done.

It’s her decision. She’s comfortable with it. And you’re projecting your panic into her.

Fernando072020 · 06/08/2021 20:42

Yanbu worrying about your sister, op.
But as this is her decision, I would leave her to it and go to the party. No reason why you can't enjoy it yourself because of your sister's decision

BrilloPaddy · 06/08/2021 20:58

I was ill for 8 weeks after my 2nd AZ vaccine, and am still getting recurrent headaches/joint pain. There's no way I'd have risked taking it during pregnancy.

Your sister is the one to risk assess here. And if she's comfortable, you should be too.

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