To want to run away?

[wontsomebodythinkofthechildren]

Dd1 (22) has decided she doesn't like her first job after one day, she has no money and I have been supporting her as a single parent my whole life. She feels said job is 'beneath her' which it is, however she is finishing her masters and needs something part time and stress free. I'm being accused of not giving her emotional support because I said she really should try and stick it out, suggested that maybe the reason it felt so bad last night is because she was overtired after being up early for her first shift. We normally get on very well but she's acting like a petulant child at the moment and it's driving me insane. She's also bailed on an expensive event I bought tickets for us to go to together next week which leaves me with no one to go with and £80 down the drain which I really can't afford.

Dd2 (13) is disrespectful, rude and thoughtless at all times and on occasion physically violent. She's just put a brownie in the microwave for 5 minutes which has resulted in exploded burnt brownie all over the microwave, the whole house full of smoke and a broken bowl which I now have to clear up. This is the straw that broke the camel's back.

The three of us are stuck in a tiny two bedroom house since DD1 moved back home just before lockdown as she knew she wouldn't cope in her uni flat. It's not ideal for anyone but I've been made to feel like shit that they have to share a room when unfortunately that's all my income can afford. Dd1 chose to move home and contributed a very small amount from her student loan towards food each week which barely covers the amount of snacks she eats!

I had my second Covid vaccination yesterday and have a splitting head ache and feel like death warmed up. I just want peace and quiet and to be left alone and not have to deal with anyone else's shit for more than 5 minutes. Honestly if I wasn't feeling so rough I'd just get in the car and go far away and leave them to fight it out to the death, hunger games style! Bollocks to this... please tell me I'm not the one being unreasonable. Feeling really shit

I'm sorry you feel poorly, and that your kids are behaving so badly.

In truth, if they are usually ok, could it just be that you are living on top of each other in a house that's too small for three adults?

When everyone is calmer, can you discuss things in a sensible way?

First - DS needs to clear up the microwave mess. He surely can't think it's right to leave that to you?

Second - tell dd how disappointed you are about the event. Be honest, did you twist her arm? Has she got a good reason for not going? If you've paid for tickets surely you can find a friend, work colleague or neighbour to come with you?

Third, and most importantly - dd needs to stick with her job until she finds something else. When she accuses you of being unsupportive, ask her what she does to support you. Tell her adults work and so that's what she will have to do. It's not 'beneath her' if it's the best she could get and pays her the money she needs.

One day, when they're proper adults, they'll look back and realise what entitled brats they were at times, and how patient and magnificent you were. Stay calm, rise above it, keep repeating what needs to happen and don't feel guilty for it.

No job is beneath anyone.

Don't clear up the mess - give DD2 guidance but no more at that age!

Also if DD1's snacks cost too much I'd not buy them. Buy some for yourself and keep them well hidden.

You poor thing.
I definitely wouldn’t be cleaning the microwave though. Does she think you are really there to cleat up after her?
Tell DD1 that you need her to bring in £x per week if she is going to live with you. She’ll either have to stick with the job or get another one.
Good luck op.

Having said that, it is definitely them BU and you should do what you need to do to look after yourself. Post-jab blues are horrid - claim the sofa, TV and snacks for yourself and ignore them for a day. You'll most likely feel better for continuing the fight for your boundaries tomorrow.

OP Im so sorry to read this...

its not you its them.. you sound like an amazing Mum 🌸

I hope you feel better soon

Can you afford to go anywhere for a night ? If so, tell dd1 she's keeping an eye on dd2 and that you'll be back tomorrow for a house meeting.
Then go n relax somewhere. List a few points for the 'chat', keep it simple (as above), and stick to it.

Definitely dd2 should clean up her own mess

Dd1 needs to understand you only have so much money - she needs to contribute properly in order for the budget to work. Doesn’t matter what is or isn’t “beneath her”.

Your eldest Daughter needs to focus on changing job if she feels this one is beneath her ..

it's not rocket science... she can find another job .. 🌸

I think I'm going to have this issue with my dd when she needs to find work, she seems to think gaining qualifications means she will be able to walk straight into a high paid job despite having no work experience, she thinks everything is beneath her 😐 . I think your dd needs to be told that of sue doesn't go to work then she will have to move out, she needs to pay her way, of she doesn't lile tue job she can look for something else but she can't leave until she finds a alternative.

@fourminutestosavetheworld the sad fact is I really don't have anyone else I could go with. It was booked as something we both enjoy but is definitely more of a interest of her age group. I highly expect to be the only person over 25 there. My one friend who is a real diamond and would accompany me to the opening of an envelope if I asked her is on holiday next week. No one else I know would have any interest in going and it involves an expensive train journey as well. Apparently she changed her mind about going months ago but didn't want to tell me.... So she left it until now when it's too late to use the site I bought the tickets from to resell them....

Thank you everyone for your kind words and advice, dd1 is currently at her 'awful' job and dd2 is out with a friend after a piss poor job of cleaning up her mess. I'm on the sofa, under a blanket with a box of chocolate fingers enjoying the peace... until the return!

Take care of yourself.. the effects of your jab can be rough 🌸

I recall your previous threads and I'm sending you hugs and consolation. Your daughter most definitely should be cleaning her exploded brownie and bowl. If she's old enough to use the microwave she's old enough to clean it. I would let DD1 know she's not going to continue to eat you out of house and home and she should drag her butt to hunt for another job or move out in 90 days