To tell parents I don’t want them at graduation?

[Daineseturbo]

Late thirties - Graduation ceremony in the next few weeks with a Masters (3rd degree in total). Disagreement with my OH about not wanting my parents to know about it. Logic is simple - not once an ounce of support, guidance or encouragement when I was much younger and probably needed it - they would even avoid the subject of education entirely, in what was an absolutely shocking and abusive and neglectful upbringing. So as far as I’m concerned, I’ve done it all myself despite them - so don’t want them to believe somehow they made any of it happen and get any pleasure from it. If anything, want to rub their noses in it... “look what I did despite the shit you put me through”. Fuckers.

AIBU?

at my pre covid masters graduation their was a limit of two tickets per person anyway.
Just say there's a limit

I am not sure why your husband cares or would do anything other than support you in your decision?

@Horehound

Are they asking to go?

Cause if not it's a non issue.

I wondered that too.

A first one maybe but a third?

Well done ! Congrats .
Just don’t tell them and enjoy your day 💐

Only the person who worked their butt off to earn the degree gets to say who they'll invite to their graduation. Well done, OP and congratulations!

Thanks for the comments all - they don’t know about (or rather can’t recall) my first 2 degrees - they only know abit more about this one as since having children they have contact on a more structured basis and so are more aware of arrangements being altered to accommodate my residential weekends. So will go with the “limited tickets” solution as an easy out. If I was braver, I would just give them the hard truth.

Don’t invite them.

I spent 3 years of blood, sweat and tears and worked part time to gain my degree with no support or encouragement from my DF. He came to my graduation and as soon as the ceremony was over he wanted to leave the grounds to get a drink and drive home. I said I’d like some photos before I had to give the cap and gown back, we had one very awkward pic together and I took a selfie, certainly no special picture to place proudly on the wall! That was my day over and it quietly broke my heart, I've not had kids or got married so this was my only big day for me (I was a mature student too). I decided there and then if I had another graduation I would not invite family!

Congratulations on your achievement, enjoy every moment but only with those that will fully enjoy it with you

Not sure why you’re in touch with them given what you think of them! Your DP’s opinion is irrelevant, it’s up to you who comes to your graduation.

Don't see why you need to tell them it's on at all, let alone make up excuses as to why they are not invited.

Congratulations...of course you do not have to tell them or even attend yourself. I never bothered with mine.

Parents forced me to drop out to care for my grandad and then told everyone I was lazy and not getting good grades (I was averaging a 1st and my uni even gave me a diploma back when it was unheard of to encourage me back). For this degree they kept making jokes about me dropping out again which made me furious. But now I’m going to get a very strong degree they both expect to be invited. They won’t be.

Absolute no-brainer, YANBU at all.

Go and wallow in your own hard earners success, without the simmering resentment that would be present if they were to turn up and behave like the proud supportive parents you didn’t have.

Congratulations