Used for support or life resuming.

[Flowers3221]

Over the last 7 months I have supported a make friend who was on bail for suspected assault against someone he met OLD and dated for a month. 3 weeks ago the charges were dropped as no evidence and the police are now perusing tye girl as she admitted it was false.

Ww did date a few years ago, but he wasn’t the most reliable partner. We became close over these 7 months and got to know each other better, lots of texts and meeting up a few times a week. In this 7 months he wasn’t allowed to work or contact his work friends. He became depressed and was on medication. His life was paused. He did see other friends.

He would treat me to days out, flowers and thoughtful gifts. He turned into the partner I wanted, reliable and attentive. He hinted that me and him should of worked out and he was stupid with past behaviour.

Now he is back to work and his life resumes. I am excited and pleased for him, but feel left behind. Not so much planning to met, always busy meeting up with people from work and going out with friends he avoided during the investigation. He has said he doesn’t want to date as he recovers and wants to concentrate on work, as he was so guilty he let them down.

I started to have feelings and know I can’t tell him as I am wary on his reliability and if he is ready to date. He did say oLD is not for him now and will meet people his friends etc. Not too sure if he sees me this way again. We were friends, but not close before this. But I was the first person he told and he lived at my house for weeks before he could tell family and friends.

So I am not too sure what to do? He sees me less and texts less. I have held back as I understand he is able to live his life fully again. Don’t know if the excitement of being able to get back to work will reduce and life will get back to normality. Or if I am getting downgraded as not needed anymore.

My fear has always been I was getting used. I did tell him this once and he said I was his rock and most important person in his life. When his case was closed, we celebrated and I said don’t be a stranger. He replied he won’t be as he will pop in after work and see me if free at weekends - but they are all booked up now.

Was I being used?

I don't think you were being used. You were the friend he needed at the time and should applaud yourself for playing that supportive role so well. I would take a step back and see what develops now there is more normality for both of you. It's not unusual to develop feelings in intense situations but they may not necessarily be long term if the circumstances change.

I disagree. I think you were absolutely being used.

Plus, who told you that the girl admitted she had lied? Was it him?

His lawyer told him after charges were dropped. Police also told him via email, due to further enquiries they are looking to peruse her for wasting police time.

So the lawyer told you - or did he tell you that the lawyer said that?

Did you see the email?

I saw the email. He is innocent. The post is not questioning his innocence. It’s about moving forward

Yes, i think you were.

Yes, I think he just used you.

I don't think he sounds like a nice person.

I definitely think he used you.

I'm sorry this has happened to you.

Yeah I am still on the fence. Normally texts throughout the day when he was going through shit. and just got a few texts last night saying he had some family drama. Few this morning and now being left on read. He has been active on messenger. Normally he doesn’t leave me on read.

Think it’s a slow fade. Going to leave it for him to contact me. Feel disappointed. But he is the sort of person who gets carried away with new things for a few weeks then normal service resumes. Suppose did my job.

F

I don't think he necessarily used you. He only had you to lean on and couldn't talk to anyone else so of course he contacted you a lot.

He also probably did start developing feelings towards you but, again, because you were the only person he could talk to.

I do think his life will start returning to normal now and you'll need to accept you were important during that period but that he needs to restore that normality too.a

Sorry to say, I think he was using you.
I know it’s upsetting, but I would stop relying on seeing him; and try to make plans with other friends/family.
Might be time to move on.

Maybe he is trying to erase the memory of his ordeal. Unfortunately you, as the person that was supporting him throughout it are closely connected to the things he wants to put behind him.

I’m so sorry, that’s really shit. You deserve better.

I don’t think he is trying to erase me as such. He had other friends supporting, but managed to fall out and in with them.

Think the closeness was false as I was only one supporting him throughout. He did say he would be busy concentrating on work and rebuilding his life. I miss seeing him loads.

Maybe the break will do us good, as it was very intense. Just want to text him, but I know I can’t.