To wish I was a less emotional person

[Jazzy1814]

Just that really, in the last two days a few incidences have made me realise that since having children I’m quite an overly emotional person. I wear my heart on my sleeve and I don’t hide my feelings, for example I recently went on sertraline for anxiety as I had been struggling and I was quite open about this with friends but due to a few comments I’m starting to worry if I’m a little too emotional and open with people and wish I had a bit thicker skin and could hide how I feel a bit better like I did before my children were born. Silly comments and difficult situations seem to get to me more now and I cry a lot more than I ever did before. How do I toughen up and become a bit more reserved so people don’t just think I’m a total wet wipe 😂?

You sound to me as if you’re confusing two different things — actually feeling things acutely and on the other hand talking openly about them. Which bit is actually bothering you? It sounds partly as if you’re worried about other people’s perception of you as overly thin-skinned and over-sharing, rather than it bothering you yourself?

How old are your children - I mean, how long have you been like this? And is it quite a big change from how you were before? Because if so, I'd wonder if there was any trauma relating to your dc's births or pnd at the time. I think it's normal to become more sensitive to certain things after having children, but probably not to the extent of permanently changing your personality to one that's very emotional.

YANBU to not want to be that way though- it must be stressful and exhausting. I had post-natal anxiety, but am not a very emotional person at all. The things that helped me were exercise and meditation.

Pick one or two people you completely trust (best friend/mother/sister) and decide you will only tell that particular person/people the really personal details of your life such as the meds etc. And keep it lighthearted with everyone else. That way you get to vent/chat in depth about your life and have a sounding board/shoulder to lean on when needed but won't be worrying about having said too much to the wrong people (if you have anxiety you may be worrying unnecessarily about that too though so don't give yourself a hard time!)

I feel the same OP. The line of work I was in, I could never do now as I’d burst out crying.
In my case I’m wondering if it’s peri menopause though. So place marking! I hope you get some helpful comments

It’s interesting that someone mentioned about birth trauma, I did actually have birth trauma after my dd was born but that was years ago, I did feel like it changed me as a person though. I’ve since had a son who has additional needs and we have been on a bit of a difficult journey however things are starting to settle down a bit. I work late nights and am up early with the kids so am always tired and I guess this doesn’t help me emotionally. I seem to vent to people and I can be quite tearful at times it is only to close friends but to be honest I do think it’s over sharing and don’t know where my filter has gone 😬. I think the idea of picking one person (my dm) and only telling her my struggles is a good idea. I absolutely did not use to be like this and don’t like it about myself.

How about keeping a diary, OP? Just articulating how you're feeling, even on paper, can be a good way of getting stuff out of your system. And you might find that the process of articulating it in words in a thoughtful but uncensored way, without having to tailor it to a person you're talking to, or worrying about their reaction, might be helpful.

I keep a journal that's almost entirely for organisational purposes, but when I have something a bit tricky going on, I do sometimes use it for writing down my thoughts and feelings about that, and it's quite useful. Afterwards I feel like I've got it off my chest to someone, but that someone is really me!

P.s. it can feel a bit weird and even cringeworthy at first when writing it or reading it back, but you get used to it!

That’s a great idea. I did actually fill multiple journals through my teens, still I was much less emotional even then when hormones were raging. It was a great way of getting every thing out and is also cringeworthyinteresting to look back on 😂.

I never did it as a teen. I was quite an unemotional person even then! I find my journal incredibly helpful for getting my organisational mind clutter out of my head and onto paper, but I guess it would work the same way for emotional clutter! Plus it's a great excuse to buy a lovely notebook...