To stay in a loveless relationship?

[Balloonfish]

We live together, not married but have a joint mortgage. We have a 3 year old son too.
He’s admitted to me he doesn’t really like cuddling, he only really shows affection when we have sex.
He’s a very good father though and supportive in other ways.
I’m a very tactile person and need cuddles and kisses, he used to be more into it , but doesn’t seem to be nowadays as much, except during sex.

Why would you stay? Leave him

Couldn’t say whether you are unreasonable; not a relevant question. But from what I’ve seen and read, it is only going to get worse. Can you afford to leave?

You're not being unreasonable but are you happy? Is this enough for you?

It's so hard deciding whether to break up a relationship or not but if you know you need more to be happy then there may be a tough decision to make. Good luck ❤.

He’s a very good father though

How so?

Ignore the 'leave him' advice. Lots of MN-ers have that as their auto signature, I would never advise that without you going into more detail. It's preposterous advice based on few facts.

Does he know how upset the lack of affection is actually making you? Often the most simple advice is the most effective, talk to him.

It’s so hard deciding what to do.
He’s a brilliant hands on dad, he does all the cooking too, even though he works full time.
I do the other housework tasks like cleaning and laundry etc.
He baths our son every night, we take in in turns to read him a story and tuck him in/lay with him until he falls asleep.
He’s very supportive of things I want to do, he’s encouraging in terms of extra curricular things I need to help me keep afloat, examples such as a regular peer support group I attend for my mental health and a choir (now stopped due to covid). These are in the evenings too. He doesn’t go out to the pub or on booze ups with friends. I know in that sense I’m lucky, but I really feel like I need more affection.
He’s also not a great communicator. He’s very much a person who likes his own space and company.
On a typical evening he’ll sit downstairs with me, but he’s usually playing a game on his phone or iPad, if I try to talk to him (through his headphones) I get one word answers if I’m lucky…occasionally I’m just talking to myself.
If there’s any affection it’s sex, if I try to cuddle him he often doesn’t want to know.

Tbh, it doesn't sound like a loveless relationship to me. But rather one where you don't get the affection you want/need.

Have you looked at love languages? It might be he is displaying his love for you in a way you don't see and vice versa. It doesn't make the problem go away, but might help you talk it through without getting accusatory and help him see where you are coming from

Does not sound loveless just one person is more comfortable showing affection. The communication bit is the main thing that would bother me. My DH is not a talker but he knows I need him to speak to me (told to him explicitly over &over) for us to work. Not perfect but he was willing to work on it.

Sounds like some help is needed in terms of learning to show affection. Would some counselling help?
It’s not one of those situations where I’d immediately jump to ltb

But equally I wouldn’t be letting him have what he wants affection wise, ie sex, until you get what you want/ need, ie affection and closeness. He needs to know that it’s a two way street.

Is it actually loveless though? Or is he madly in love with you but doesn’t like cuddles? I think there’s a huge misunderstanding (especially from those telling you to leave him!) about how different people need / express themselves through hugs.

I’ve pulled up this article as an example personalitygrowth.com/how-each-personality-type-responds-to-physical-touch/

My SIL has been happily married with children for 17 years to a man who hates cuddles, massages, doesn’t like to be hugged in greeting, doesn’t hold hands. His parents are the same. It doesn’t mean it’s loveless. You just have to decide if you can understand him or whether your need to be hugged and shown affection in a physical way (outside of sex) outweighs his other positive qualities.