To think this comments was mean?

[PhotoGift]

I haven’t been very well lately. I was discharged from hospital yesterday. I’m nearly there with a diagnosis but tests so far have been pretty conclusive. I’ll be back in hospital shortly under the care of a specialist, and there’s a long journey ahead. It’s all been very sudden and upsetting.

This morning, my friend asked if she could come to my house to visit me as she wasn’t able to while I was in hospital. She knows all the health stuff.

She stayed for about an hour, brought me a lovely gift, we had a great chat and I enjoyed it.

I texted her later to say thanks again for calling and the gift and she responded to say “It was lovely to see you. I’m glad you’re feeling so positive and am confident you’ll fight this. Have to say, I got a bit of a fright when you first opened the door and I saw what you were wearing- I though you’d already given up! xx”

When she called, I was freshly showered and had blow dried my hair but it wasn’t especially styled. I had no make-up on and was dressed in a pair of navy tracksuit bottoms (cotton type, not shiny sporty ones), a grey t-shirt, navy slip-on runners. Clothes were freshly laundered, not wrinkled or stained etc.

It’s not like I’m overly glam on a typically day either. When we meet up, I’d normally have make-up on and probably jeans and a casual top.

I’m probably a bit paler than usual, and I haven’t suddenly lost a lot of weight or anything.

AIBU to think this comment was mean and uncalled for? She’s generally not a nasty person, so now I think she was being serious and am stressing about what I need to wear next time o have a visitor

Sounds like maybe it was a bit of a ham-fisted attempt at a joke. From what you say she sounds like a good friend who is unlikely to be bitchy.

There was no need for that comment, I could understand if it was the way you looked in yourself but even then it's not something that needs to be said. But to comment on the clothes you're wearing and equating that to "giving up" was uncalled for and yes, mean. I hope you're ok and sorry you've been so poorly.

I hope your future treatment goes well [flowers[

I think it might have been a joke. Maybe a shit one though. I'd probably let it go- or have a pop back at her.

I think it’s a clumsy joke and is a little insensitive rather than mean. I’d write it off as she sounds like a good friend for coming over, getting you a gift etc.

On a normal day perhaps you’d ignore it or find it funny but maybe you’re feeling more sensitive due to health issues etc. I would ignore it. Hope you feel better soon

I don’t think she was being mean. In fact, I think the opposite. I think she was worried that you were depressed and/or still really ill and was giving up on life. Ie. No longer taking care of your appearance etc.

She took the trouble to come and visit you, and bring a gift. That’s what you should be focussing on in this friendship.

I think it was an attempt to make a joke, lighten the mood. It was at your expense, though, so she should have been more thoughtful. However, I’d let it go. People can often phrase things awkwardly when dealing with other people’s difficult life events. She sounds like she did not mean to cause any harm.

That was a really thoughtless comment to make, I’d text back “blimey, if I’d known you’d be judging me on my outfit, I’d have waited til I’m back to full strength before inviting you over”.

As others have said hopefully she just misjudged a joke and it was the result of awkwardness rather than outright nastiness. But I can see why you’d be a bit upset. Sounds like she was otherwise thoughtful and cheering in her visit which is why I’m giving her the benefit of the doubt.

Best of luck for your treatment

I’m really surprised at the comments so far, when is it ever appropriate to tell someone their clothes aren’t up to scratch?!

Just take it for the joke intended op.
Your friend sounds lovely so I wouldn't take it to heart, I'm sure she meant no harm.
I hope you're feeling better soon.

She didn't reference your hair or make up, so think you're reading too much into it. Was a shit attempt at a joke about the joggies you were wearing. I'd let it go or just comment back - rude!

Hope your treatment goes well.

It was a misjudged joke.
She’s worried about you and people say stupid things to try and lighten the mood.

Clumsy joke if she is normally nice let it go

Agree with PPs, it was an insensitive and misjudged comment. But let it go, she sounds like a good friend who cares about you. We don’t all always say the right things.

bit weird, probably just a bad joke.

Depends a bit on your friend's style. If she is one of the TOWIE-fans caked in make-up wearing ridiculous party clothes to take the bin out, she might have meant it.

If she is normal ,and you see her in casual, sportsclothes and day clothes, she doesn't bother with make-up all the day, let alone blow dry her hair, it's a joke.

I don’t see how it was a joke. If she upset you, then why not just tell her that? Just tell her you found that comment a bit harsh and unkind.

Sounds like a crap attempt at a joke. I'd not say anything back in relation to the comment as you enjoyed the visit. It could make things awkward

Sounds like she was trying to be funny but sadly failed. I would try to put it out of your mind, she sounds lovely so I’m sure it wasn’t intended to hurt you. She probably thought it would make you giggle if you’re normally glamorous!

Uncalled-for comment I think, not necessarily nasty but insulting all the same, but if she’s usually nice I would just forget it and move on, some kind of ill-judged bad joke at worst.

She'd get a FRIGHT every day Im off duty then... 🤣

it was a stupid comment 🙄

Sounds like a joke and was trying to cheer you up with her poor humour! She sounds like a good friend otherwise, but is clearly not good at social cues and when jokes are appropriate. I wouldn't think anymore about it!

Wishing you all the best

Sounds like a ham fisted joke to me too, is she someone who never wears pyjamas/loungewear until it's bedtime? I spend most of time in it

Sounds clumsily expressed but probably well intended. Perhaps she is just not used to seeing you in loungewear?

Comment back "harsh! :(" and see what she says