To just go ourselves?

9 replies

FranklynHut · 05/08/2021 10:35

I have a DH problem, I know. Recently he has become very settled in what he likes and doesn't like and never seems to want to budge on it.

The biggest thing for me is that he never really seems arsed about spending quality time with us as a family. He doesn't like 'days out' and to him going on a quick 20 minute walk nearby would be enough before retiring back home. He works a lot and prefers to spend any off time he has at home relaxing and resting which is fine in the main but I feel like we just never do anything nice or exciting or that the children would like.

I am so fed up of it. I've spoken to him about it so many times.

Basically my dilemma is that my husband has two children from a previous relationship, my DSC, and we have DC together. I have tried just taking everyone out on my own and it's bloody difficult.

I'm so sick of feeling like I can't go and do anything with our DC unless I take everyone along and to make matters more difficult, my DSC tend to be with us every weekend and a lot during the holidays.

I don't know what to do. Part of me just thinks fuck it if he wants to be a miserable sod he can be and I'll just go out with our DC when the opportunity comes up as right now by trying to take everyone I'm letting him off the hook as why would he come if his DC aren't missing out on anything because I'm doing it? Perhaps if I went out with our DC it'd give him a kick up the arse to come too as he wouldn't want DSC to miss out?

I feel like saying if he wants DSC to come on nice fun days out from now on, he comes too.

I am so sick of it. I know people will say leave but it's not as easy as that. This seems to be a recent change in the past couple of years that I just can't shake out of him.

OP posts:

Original poster

FranklynHut · 05/08/2021 10:36

Ps. I'm not talking much. Just every now and then at the weekend or arranging a couple of fun things in the summer holidays! He would honestly happily do absolutely nothing.

OP posts:

shouldistop · 05/08/2021 10:39

Yanbu. Take your kids out, if he says anything about your step kids then tell him he's welcome to bring them.

Original poster

FranklynHut · 05/08/2021 10:44

Thanks. It's like there's a place our DC has mentioned before and I know DSC would probably enjoy it too so I've suggested we book it for the summer holidays. He says yes (a forced yes) but I just feel like I'm always pestering him to tell me when he can go or after a yes I get 'ill have to see'. Before I know it the chance will be gone so I feel like just booking it for me and DD, I'm sick of asking.

OP posts:

shouldistop · 05/08/2021 10:49

Book it today. Might give him a kick up the back side.

flossletsfloss · 05/08/2021 10:51

Jesus I think I'd divorce him. What a bore. He needs to buck up.

CherieBabySpliffUp · 05/08/2021 10:58

What are the ages of the children involved and how much of the summer holidays are the DSC spending with you?
If it's something that your DC want to go to then maybe do it when the DSC are with their mum.
I'm sure they will be doing fun stuff there that your DC won't be doing as they are with you.
Could you imagine the outcry if you were to say to your DH that they couldn't do stuff when at their mum's because your DC would be missing out.

AmyandPhilipfan · 05/08/2021 10:59

My husband is similar. He would much rather play on his PlayStation than go out as a family but a lot of the time I just book things and tell him we’re all going out on x date and he generally does enjoy himself, or at least acts like it (then claims to me he hated it) which is good enough for me!

Saidtoomuch · 05/08/2021 11:01

They'll be an age difference anyway so just take your children.

ChainJane · 05/08/2021 11:07

Be careful not to punish his children because of their father's behaviour. I mean if you're booking an outing on a day when they're not there that's one thing, but it's different on a day when they are there. It's not your fault but it's not their fault either and it will be obvious to them that they are second class children in their eyes.

I do have some sympathy for your DH if he's working long hours. A lot of women would actually be happy if their partner spent his free time at home rather than doing some hobby or other. That's the thing with men, it's all or nothing. Either they throw themselves into a hobby and it occupies all their free time, or they're not interested in doing anything. It's not right or wrong, just how things are.

Flip