To not have any faith in the legal system?

[whatsthetimemisterwolf]

I separated from my children's father in March, after an emotionally abusive and controlling, decade long relationship.

We have gone through mediation for custody and through lawyers to separate property.

He has lied, multiple times of which I have evidence.

None of this seems to matter - his lawyer simply keeps responding "we do not accept your client's version of events", despite the evidence I have.

He has so far achieved: 50/50 custody, a greater share in assets than me, continued abuse of me via lying and insults (eg. "you need to be medicated") as well as refusing to let our children change schools, so I am stuck not only in a city where I have no support, but living in a part of town where I cannot afford to buy.

I have no faith in the legal system - either through lawyers or court - to remedy this - am I being unreasonable?

None of this seems to matter - his lawyer simply keeps responding "we do not accept your client's version of events", despite the evidence I have.

What the hell is your lawyer doing when this happens?

He’s going to defend himself
However it’s what the judge believes and unfortunately most civil court judges are uneducated twats
But you have hope appealing to the high court were the judges are usually fair and definitely educated

Don’t let solicitors scare you. They have to defend their client

Why are you having mediation? It’s absolutely no recommended in when abuse is involved.

Do you have supper from Women’s aid or similar? What is your lawyer actually doing for you?

Thank you for your replies.

He "doesn't accept" that he was abusive. He had a police safety order issued against him last year and as recently as this March, messaged me saying "You need to be medicated".

I have in the past have support from Woman's Refuge, but not currently.

I just don't know how to be heard.

@whatsthetimemisterwolf

Thank you for your replies.

He "doesn't accept" that he was abusive. He had a police safety order issued against him last year and as recently as this March, messaged me saying "You need to be medicated".

I have in the past have support from Woman's Refuge, but not currently.

I just don't know how to be heard.

He doesn’t have to accept it.

Please speak to women’s aid.

Where did you get your lawyer? Do they specialise in abusive case? I’m assuming not due to the mediation.

Has he been given 50/50 by court or are you being pressed by him/his lawyer to accept that? What have your lawyer saying to that?

You need realistic advice from your solicitor. How good are they?

I saw your previous posts.

Several years ago, you posted that he worked part time, took one full day a week off to look after them, and did all childcare runs. With that backdrop, why do you think it would be unfair for a court to order 50/50 shared care? And what does your solicitor think about that?

I think you’re not married? Is that correct? If so - does he own more of the assets? If so - same question, why do you think a court should find that unfair, and what does your solicitor think?

You can be “heard” by refusing to accept his proposals in mediation, and forcing it to court instead. But, again - what does your solicitor think about that?

My solicitor was recommended by a friend who went through separation. It is difficult for me to answer how 'good' they are.

I think it is unfair to order 50/50 care, because our children - 6 months after separating, are still reluctant to stay with him. A week ago, he called our daughter a "pain in the ass" in front of me. Last night she told me that he had fallen asleep while she was watching a show so she just stayed watching it until really late. After staying with him, they turn up with un-brushed hair and over-tired from late nights. He frequently gives them to his mother/sister on his days so he can go out drinking.

Frankly, I am an amazing mother and want more for my children than this, for 50% of their lives. I have no idea whether a judge would find that fair.

We are not married, but in our country, a de facto relationship of over 3 years constitutes 50/50 spilt of relationship property. He is gaining more through retaining all of the chattels, for example.

I am awaiting further my advice from my lawyer, but really would love to know if court is an option with which people have found satisfactory outcomes.

If you’re not in the UK then you’d be much better stating where you are to get advice from anyone who has experience of your country

How can you ask people on a predominantly UK site whether court would give a satisfactory outcome, when it sounds like your legal matters will be concluded under a different jurisdiction? Most people here can comment on the court in Scotland, or England & Wales. Even if there are people with experience in your country, they can’t comment as you haven’t said where it is.

Under which jurisdiction is your property being split? If it’s the UK, does the law here (Scottish or E&W, whichever is applicable) recognise your country’s de facto laws?

Does your lawyer have experience of:

• abusive relationships
• heavily contested child arrangements
• de facto rules from other jurisdictions

Frankly, if you can’t answer how “good” they are, they’re not. They should be showing you in all their responses that they know their stuff.

Property (Relationships) Act 2002, New Zealand?

@Cocomarine your aggressive lack of compassion to someone who spent a decade being beaten down in an abusive relationship is astounding.

It may be easy for you to determine and judge what I should be doing - I am not sure your mind would be as certain if you were in my situation.

Apologies for asking for help while I am on the verge of breaking.

I’m sorry that you find me aggressive - it’s not it intention. I am asking you questions that I think are relevant.

I haven’t told you what I think you should be doing.

The things I’ve implied though are that you should be making sure that you have a solicitor who understands your jurisdiction if it’s relevant and it’s different to the one you’re under now, who has experience of abusive relationships, and contested child arrangements. I don’t think that’s aggressive or at all controversial?

I suppose I am saying that you should say under which jurisdiction you’re operating now. But again, that’s not aggressive or controversial. You’ve asked if YABU not to have faith in the court system. To share experience on that, surely we need to know which court system?