Holiday anxiety

[BradfordBrontesaurus]

Wise counsel needed MNers. Talk me down slap me silly out of my headspace.
Have 9 month old child who, due to a series of issues, co-sleeps with me. Over the past few months I've managed to get her to sleep on her own mattress (from her cot) which is adjacent to my mattress on the floor. We got to a stage where she would only wake three times for feeding in the night and go back to sleep on the mattress almost immediately. Except a week ago the wakenings gradually started to be more frequent and now she only sleeps for half an hour before she's awake. She's only getting more sleep if she's sleeping on me (so I'm basically not sleeping, only light dozing sometimes during the night or for twenty mins when she sleeps on her mattress.

We're going on holiday next week to Europe and I'm BLOODY TERRIFIED how this is going to work. When she sleeps on me I have my arms and back supported with hard pillows (to avoid the risk of her face planting into a soft pillows and struggling to breathe). I won't have any of this set up. So I won't be able to do this safely. We're flying in very very late because the flight keeps getting pushed so hardly any time to figure out and set things up (plus will have DSSs who will also need to be settled) plus it's obvs warm there and how the hell is she going to be comfortable sleeping on me in the heat?

Please tell me I'm over reacting and it's going to be lovely. I'm not going to be even more of a zombie than I am now, am I?

Please don't @ me that I shouldn't be co sleeping or feeding her at night.

Ah OP, I feel for you. Does where you’re going have rooms (ie is it an apartment or hotel room?) and is it air conditioned? If there are rooms and A/C I’d say it’s not likely to be any worse than you’re dealing with already. If no A/C and you’re all in one room with the DSSs too, could be W challenge for anyone to get much sleep! Will you nap during the day to catch up?

You’re not co-sleeping are you. She’s sleeping, you’re awake. That’s not sustainable. It sounds like she’s not in a regular sleep routine, but that doesn’t happen automatically. Some babies need more structure to enable them to get a good nights sleep.
She’s sleeping on you because you’re there and it’s familiar. It’s probably too late to make any positive changes before you go on holiday, but I’d contact a good sleep consultant for advice when you return. My dd used one for her youngest who wouldn’t seem to sleep in her cot at all. She’s now 11 months old and sleeps much better, is in her own room, and everyone gets a decent nights sleep.

@KellyJonesLeatherTrousers those are v good points. I think there is air con and there are separate rooms in the apartment. Day napping - her sleep is v disrupted in the day as well so it's unlikely but I'll take any five minutes I can get

@Soontobe60
Had looked into sleep consultants but each one I looked and then read reviews said they were CIO practitioners. I was actually happy with where we had got to before this sleep regression but I know it's part of their normal development... It's just the timing is bloody annoying

Make the other side of the bed and the back safe with a bedguard or similar.

Put 9 months old in a baby sleeping bag (or nothing at all, depending on the temperature obviously)

put baby ON TOP of your own duvet/bedsheet, not too high in bed.
Keep your own pillow safely on your side.

Sorted. Nothing dangerous there.

I think it's a fairly rare overseas holiday that's ever lovely with a 9mo. We didn't do anything other than visits to family or self-catering cottage type breaks in the UK when DC were little because they're not really holidays in any meaningful sense. Which isn't reassurance I know, but perhaps it's some comfort that even without your LO's particular sleep issues, it would likely be trying. I think you'll fare best if you set your expectations low and then any lovely things are an unexpected bonus. Presumably you're doing it for the older DC so if they have a good time that's great, and there's no pressure on you to be anything but a zombie at least, so keep on grabbing sleep when you can and making sure DP takes over so that you can laze about in the day whenever possible.

Also, on the sort-of-bright side, even if you'd got a great sleep routine, the holiday would probably screw it up!

I cosleep and do so in DS's room on a double mattress on the floor. I lie next to him, feed him to sleep then crawl away leaving the monitor on. Enjoy my evening (although having to go back once or twice to resettle most nights) then climb back into bed with him when I'm ready to sleep. Whenever he wakes in the night, he will just nurse back to sleep.
I sympathise. The first year was so up and down with sleep but know that it is completely normal even though that isn't practical for helping you.
Can you sleep on a double on the floor and nurse to sleep?
On holiday, if there's an option to, you can put the mattress on the floor. We went to my uni town two weeks ago and I ended up sleeping on the floor with him, it worked out fine.

At around 11 months old, his sleeping improved a lot, op so hang in there. He still wakes 2/3 times a night but I often get 6 hours uninterrupted now! Hopefully it'll get better for you soon!

@eightyfourandahalf yep, will do. It won't have a bed guard though so bit worried about her dropping off the bed edge.

[quote BradfordBrontesaurus]@eightyfourandahalf yep, will do. It won't have a bed guard though so bit worried about her dropping off the bed edge.[/quote]
Perhaps see if you can get a portable bed guard, or buy one once you’re in your accommodation?

@Pinkdelight3 yep it's very much for the DSSs - and DP too I knew I wouldn't be getting a holiday, but it was the reality of it that hit me. Am currently dialing down my expectations

@Fernando072020 I burst out crying when I read your response - that's the point we were almost at where I could leave her for a little while. I'll settle for three or four hours at a time - I can't even imagine 6! thank you for posting, it gives me... hope?

@Soontobe60 that's an idea - I'll look into portable ones. V unlikely to be able to purchase where we're going. It's a little coastal village - v nice but no large shops.

Roll up a towel into a firm cylinder and put under the sheet as a bed guard perhaps?

I would just sleep without any pillows, at least for the first night until you can work something out.

9 month sleep regression was a living hell but it will get better. My now 5 yo was the worst sleeper I've ever encountered for the first 3 or so years, but now if he wakes he mostly just quietly climbs into our bed and goes back to sleep. FINALLY.

If you can you could rearrange beds so that one side is against a wall and put your little one there so they can’t fall out?

Oh gosh, I know this isn’t the point of your thread and my comment won’t be helpful at all, but is the co-sleeping benefit to a baby so great that it’s worth all this sleepless misery? Is that a calculable outcome?
I both admire and feel for you OP because I simply couldn’t do what you’re doing. I didn’t BF and I never coslept. For me getting long sleep bursts sorted ASAP was my priority to keep my head on straight. I’d have gone off my rocker being that sleep deprived.
I hope you manage to get some rest on your holiday, even if it’s just on a lounger in the day. Good luck.

It was when my dd2 was about this age that I decided enough was enough. She was waking every 45 mins at night and the only way she’d go back to sleep was by me BFing her. We were co sleeping too.

Are you BFing by any chance? If so I think that could be a large part of the problem. Baby can smell the milk and in her mind she needs that comfort to go back to sleep. And that’s all it is, comfort, they don’t NEED any feeds at night by that age.

So what I did was move her cot into the spare room, and her dad stayed with her all night. She was pretty furious, it must be said. She cried a lot, but was never ‘crying it out’, as she had her dad there stroking her, talking to her and offering her water the whole time. Eventually, by the early hours of the morning, she’d worn herself out and she slept.

Do you know how long it took for her to break that pattern of waking every 45 mins and needing me to feed her back to sleep? One night. The next night she slept in her cot for 12 hours straight, and that’s what happened every night after that. She was a much happier baby for it, as it wasn’t great for her to be having her sleep broken so many times a night. And I could function again.

Won't help with the holiday but for when you get back:

www.johnlewis.com/dockatot-grand-pristine-white-baby-pod-9-36-months/p5225728

This was a miracle for us. I had it on a double bed next to me.

Co-sleeping isn't safe. Dockatots aren't safe.
Yes, many babies don't die, and that is why there is so much survivor's bias, but plenty do.

Can you order a safe sleep space to be delivered to your hotel?
The baby should sleep in a crib, alone, placed on back. No bumpers, blankets, stuffed animals, dummy clips...nothing.

At 9 months old the baby is really unlikely to suffocate on a pillow, particularly as you are sleeping so lightly anyway. I co slept for years never used a guard or put the mattress on the floor. As a pp said put them on top of your duvet a bit lower down and you will be fine

[quote BradfordBrontesaurus]@Soontobe60 that's an idea - I'll look into portable ones. V unlikely to be able to purchase where we're going. It's a little coastal village - v nice but no large shops.[/quote]
I used pillows with mine!

UNDER the fitted sheets obviously, but they worked well.

@Liverbird77

Co-sleeping isn't safe. Dockatots aren't safe. Yes, many babies don't die, and that is why there is so much survivor's bias, but plenty do.

Can you order a safe sleep space to be delivered to your hotel?
The baby should sleep in a crib, alone, placed on back. No bumpers, blankets, stuffed animals, dummy clips...nothing.

it's not very healthy to be that anxious. a 9 months old is not barely surviving because they co-sleep, don't be ridiculous. A baby on your bed, in their own sleeping bag is absolutely fine.

Babies are naturally not designed to sleep alone...

I agree about the bumpers.

A pool noodle works as a bed guard. Put it under the sheet, tucked in tightly, and she won't roll off. She will be absolutely fine in the bed with you, only issue is that it means you or DH can't have a drink which is a bit crap on holiday! Cosleeping is completely safe when done properly.

You can get inflatable bed guards from Amazon, they're brilliant (pop them under the bed sheet- ours has lasted 4 years before I accidentally popped it)

I've co slept with DS from him being 2 months. Just strip the bed, one pillow for you, a light sheet up to your waist.

Have you tried sleeping with a small toy next to you then the next night put it next to your daughter in her own bed. It's supposed to make her think that you're next to her as she can smell you. It worked for me and might help you. Good luck. Lack of sleep is very draining 💐

I wouldn't go. Full stop.

Not just because the of the sleeping arrangements, but travelling is very very stressful right now. We have been twice, and you really do need to be prepared to stay out there for weeks, potentially longer in a quarantine hotel if you test positive. I have teens and it was hard work. I can't imagine travelling with a small baby in a pandemic.

Your anxiety levels are telling you this isn't a good idea for a reason. My best suggestion is to listen to your gut instinct.