to feel like a failure at life?

[user4390811]

I really feel so useless at the moment 😢

I had cancer last year and had surgery and treatment and everything looks good. I thought life would return to some sort of normal but it hasn't and I feel such a failure.

Today it hit me hard at work, I work 4 hours a day over 4 days and I am exhausted. I work with women twice my age who work full days and I feel so pathetic. Im in my 30's and work 16 hours a week, have no children I get to go home after my shift and just relax and still feel knackered.

I feel like I have really failed at life 😔

So you're knackered but you still go to work 4 days out of 5 and do a job well enough to get paid for?! And you're recovering from serious illness? Sounds like you're doing pretty amazingly to me.

Did the cancer hit you hard? Was there a lot of time where you couldn't live 'normally'?

Do you do much in your spare time? Do you have hobbies?

Sometimes not doing very much can be exhausting and if the cancer meant you weren't able to your body may need retraining back into being more energetic.

It takes time to build up strength. And you are worth more than your economic potential.

Cancer is a big thing OP. It can take more out of you mentally than we expect. I had cancer and it involved endless hospital visits. When everything became 'normal' again it felt a bit of an anticlimax (if that makes sense?) You are still holding down a job and doing what you need to do. Give your body what it needs and take it easy.

I started chemo in October 2018, had a load of surgery in 2019 and finished with radiotherapy in April 2020.
I didn't go back to work till October 2020 and had to build up from 1 day a week gradually.
I still can mostly only work 4 day weeks.
I actually think the lockdowns helped me being able to go back to work because I had fewer other demands on my energy.
I'm still on targeted therapy as stage 4 but that isn't too bad side effects wise.
My waffly point is that your energy takes a long time to come back after chemo/radiotherapy.
I think your doing pretty well and if anything should stop putting pressure on yourself.
Of course try to eat healthily and get a walk in daily if you can.
But don't beat yourself up for not recovering instantly from a traumatic experience like cancer treatment.
It takes time and patience and treating yourself like your a toddler.
I still can only really do one activity at the weekend, have to put myself to bed before I get overtired and don't sleep etc
It will return you just need to be patient and kinder to yourself.

Thats the thing it wasn't like I had to have months of treatment like most it was just surgery and now medication to control it. I feel guilty for feeling like this when some people have it so much worse and my treatment was easy.

I think you're bloody amazing having gone through cancer and treatment, with all its physical, psychological and emotional toll, and to be working 16 hours a week.

Why are you feeling guilty for being so strong and brave? You are NOT failing at life. You are coming back to life, and it's a hard journey, and a tiring one.

You are being very hard on yourself. Any cancer is tough to recover from. This year has been extremely difficult for so many people - you have survived and are working… You have nothing to feel guilty for.

Who the hell voted YANBU? Look after yourself OP, you've been through a lot.

Hey OP, two things:

1. Why a failure?

Being a failure involves having made bad choices, missed out opportunities, being too scared to make radical decisions...

You had cancer, nothing about it is your fault.
The choice you've made is to fight it and to keep going.
I don't know but for me it doesn't strike as a failure at all.

2. Have you talked with your medical team about being exhausted? Would there be a physiological reason? Or maybe psychological? I have no idea how hard it is being told you have cancer, but I imagine its quite a shock, and that all your energy is focused on getting better. Maybe that state of exhaustion is the backlash of keeping a brave face and being on high alert for a long period of time.

I mean, I was a bundle of stress, adrenaline and energy when I bought a flat, a few weeks after I moved in, I suddenly fell overwhelmed and exhausted. And its a just buying a bloody flat. So imagine the emotional toll with cancer.
On top of that in the midst of a pandemic.

You're amazing, you're not a failure. Give yourself a break, don't beat yourself up, relax and rest up as much as you need.

@user4390811 please don’t underestimate the emotional cost of your illness especially if you’ve been dealing with it during the pandemic which adds a layer of stress onto an already difficult situation. Your ability to think about others who might have had it tougher is admirable but please extend that kindness to yourself. What you’ve been through is physically and mentally testing by any standard. Do you think you might be depressed and it might be worth getting some supportive counselling to help you adjust to your life now? You’re categorically not a failure! I hope you will give yourself a break.

@Eternallyfrazzled

Were you working full time before the cancer ? Or have you always worked part time/felt very tired? Thank fully I haven’t been through what you have but I have always felt weak and tired I have 3 kids and work 28 hours a week but have had to reduce my hours as I couldn’t cope I do have chronically low ferritin. Have you had your iron levels checked lately?

I was working 30 hours before so near enough cut my hours to half what I was doing before. Had iron checked at my last blood test and all fine.