Before or After Holiday??

[Lokidile]

Due to go on first holiday with BF of 18 months and our (separate) children in 10 days’ time and I don’t know whether to go ahead. I’ve been having doubts for a while - the relationship fees superficial, and I feel that I’m way more emotionally invested / open than he is. Do I grin and bear it, see how things go when we’re away and relaxed, or do I end things now? If I do end things, do I give the option to still come away just as friends? So confused 😕

If you’re still planning on going away with him I’d wait and see how you feel when you get back.

I'd go if it's all paid for. Have you discussed how you are feeling with him?

I went away in a similar situation (no kids on the holiday though) and it was miserable. It became very clear during the holiday that I wasn't the only one having doubts and we were not well matched. I desperately wanted to return home but couldn't as I was abroad and the flights were too expensive.
When we got back he made sure I took everything of mine out of the cases so I knew something wasn't right. Then he dumped me by text the next day.

I guess it depends on how bad you feel about the relationship. Do you think you can cope with him on holiday? Or will you just be resentful it's ruining your holiday him being there.

I'm not sure but if you do break up with him I definitely wouldn't go with "as friends" way too soon

I’ve raised some doubts with him @Ponoka7 and he’s been really reassuring. He is naturally not a ‘talker’ but I often feel like he just doesn’t think to let me know about certain things that make me feel a bit taken for granted. He has been making more of an effort but now I think I’m letting my self confidence problems cloud my thinking…
@AnathemaPulsifer I’m tending to sway that way, not least because I know the children would be really disappointed.

@AryaStarkWolf I see your point, but we were friends before we were together and from his point of view relationship-wise, I’m not sure it would make too much difference - he doesn’t think about the future, etc. and is happy just to bumble along as things are, so to me, it’s not much more than friendship anyway…

I would go ahead with the holiday and see how you feel there, if you just end up like 2 mates on holiday then maybe that’s where your relationship is heading.

@Taliskerskye

I would go ahead with the holiday and see how you feel there, if you just end up like 2 mates on holiday then maybe that’s where your relationship is heading.

Agree with this. Sometimes a change of scenery and without the drudgery of daily life can help you reconnect with how you're feeling- be that positive or negative.

Well it sounds like you are not stringing him along, so I would go and see if you can enjoy it as friends. Would be a huge shame to cancel now. Maybe you will feel differently after a break together, being away from home throws a different light on things

If no children involved then I’d say definitely go
And se show it goes (as long as you can both escape and return early easily).
As kids are involved I’m not sure I’d go. High stress anyway and neither of you are likely to be at your best. Not sure it would be a clear ‘test’ of how you are feeling. ??

I was in a similar position and due to go on holiday with an ex that I knew deep down I didn't want to be with - awful holiday. Hated every minute, I became acutely aware that I didn't want to be with him and immediately felt trapped that I couldn't leave as the holiday was was abroad. Don't do it, is my advice.

I would see how you feel after the holiday.