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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Performance anxiety in the workplace OCD

5 replies

Katslater9 · 04/08/2021 08:16

Not AIBU but posting for traffic. I was diagnosed with OCD last year after quitting a high stress, well-paid job after 6 months and pretty much having a nervous breakdown. In this job, I basically quit before they could implement performance management. Although I was being micromanaged in this previous job and senior management were unsupportive, I believe the ultimate reason for this was because I was forever seeking reassurance and obsessively over checking my work. I constantly worry about the consequences of not doing things correctly and I feel as though I can't rest until I double and even triple check things even though I know the answer to what I am asking others/checking. I'm aware that this makes me look as though I have no initiative even though this isn't the case at all! I've had telephone high intensity CBT due to the pandemic that I've found impersonal and ineffective. In my new job I've found that I'm doing the same, constantly seeking reassurance with colleagues, obsessively going over conversations in my head and worrying whether I have offended anybody or spoken inappropriately. My guard is always up and I'm terrified of being fired. I am more than qualified for the role, I am just terrified that this will happen again. Does anyone have any experience of overcoming this?

OP posts:
crouchingpheasant · 04/08/2021 08:22

I suffer from this too, and completely get where you're coming from! I highly recommend a book called Overcoming Obsessive Thoughts by Purdon and Clark. It really helped me.

RainbowBriteUk · 04/08/2021 08:31

Me too. My past role and constant beating of me by my ex ceo has led to how I feel now but I constantly think I'm doing shit. My performance meetings with my boss says otherwise. I can't seem to let go of the negativity though.

Birkie248 · 04/08/2021 08:36

Sorry that sounds horrible for you.
Can you research other types of CBT so it doesn’t become a self fulfilling prophecy?

BabyPotato · 04/08/2021 08:44

I'm the same! My old old job was really easy but that's probably because my boss was a major micromanager and wouldn't let me do anything without his input. He'd often take my work off me (even though I was good at my job!) which left me feeling incompetent and a bit shit. I then quit and got a new job with more responsibility and autonomy and I completely burned myself out in 8 months. I was doing a good job but the stress was insane, mostly due to me constantly panicking about details and thinking I would get "found out" and sacked because I'm rubbish. Ok, the workload was genuinely unreasonable and even my boss admitted it, but it was my mental health that caused me to go wrong.

No advice unfortunately! I quit right before the pandemic and I've found a bit of a side hustle which brings enough money to keep us afloat, and it means I can work from home and not talk to anyone. Grin I have felt really happy and relaxed since quitting my job, but I fear that I will be the same when I find a new job in the future. I guess counseling and/or medication would be the main things to try? (I was put on pregabalin due to other issues when I was still working and my anxiety just disappeared for a few weeks/months. It was glorious but unfortunately didn't last.)

I hope you find something that works for you. Anxiety and OCD are rubbish. Brew

pluckedcactus · 04/08/2021 11:46

I've had obsessive thoughts about germs (although not necessarily what other people even think of as germs) for a very long time but have avoided getting help. I'm exactly the same as you with work and it never occurred to me to think of it the same way as the germ thing! You've blown my mind a bit.

I did have cbt which covered the work bit to an extent but it didn't do much tbh. I think I maybe reduced rechecking things so much for a little while, but then the therapist changed to someone who made me worse.

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