To think these comments are unsupportive?

[Pompoms1]

Would welcome some unbiased opinions on this.

Person A - needs to lose weight. (This is not in dispute). They are seeking MH support for this due to a previous eating disorder. They have bought some dresses to slim into as an incentive as they can get too focused on the scales.

Person B - lives with A and says they are very concerned about person A and thinks they’re damaging their health. Likes to know daily how the diet is going, whether they’ve ‘given up’ already as they noticed them eating X or Y, tell them it’s a shame they’ve wasted a day if they’ve eaten something person B calls ‘grot food.’ They know this type of thing doesn’t help A but claims they’re too worried about A to not do these things. They see it as ‘helping’ and say they do it because they care.

Person B has today asked A if they were planning to send their new dresses back as they’re obviously not doing anything about losing weight and won’t fit into them.

AIBU to think this is unsupportive? Person A and B live together, how can A handle B better as B isn’t listening to her when she says it’s not helping.

Yeah it's really not helpful to keep on at someone doing something difficult basically saying "you're doing it wrong".

Y'know, offering positive suggestions like "I'm going to cook us a lovely low carb high protein evening meal with a low fat dessert" is helpful.

"You're doing it all wrong you fat cow" is really not helpful.

Anyone using the phrase 'grot food' is a monumental dick.

This is some advice someone once gave me and it helped. It’s completely up to you if you think it will work for you or not. You know yourself best.

Change your perspective of losing weight to gaining a healthy lifestyle.

Focus on what you will gain.
Focus on eating more fruits and vegetables and proteins, instead of eating less whatever foods you are cutting out of your diet or cutting down on.
Focus on getting more active in the kind of exercise that makes you feel good.

Tell person B that you don’t need their input anymore. Any time that they criticise or say something negative, tell them that you are not interested in their negativity.

If that doesn’t work put on some noise canceling headphones and listen to some music that you like, or a positive reaffirming meditation/podcast etc. to counteract their negative statements.

You can’t make other people change if they don’t want to change. You can only change yourself.

@5475878237NC

What should B say instead? B is, I assume, seeing behaviour that has previously kept A stuck and unhappy.

B could ask 'how do I best support you to be healthy and happy'?

Or read up on how to support sufferers of the ED that A has.

Tell person B that you don’t need their input anymore. Any time that they criticise or say something negative, tell them that you are not interested in their negativity.

I agree with this. Person B is being unhelpful and their comments just making things worse.

@GreyEyedWitch

It depends how much A has been leaning on B during their weight loss journey. If they've been going on and on about how big they are and how they really want to change and B has been providing support and become invested, then I can see how it would be irritating to come home to A binging on a tonne of food. It doesn't make B right, but I would find ot annoying if I was B.

Why don't you just tell B that you're not going to be talking about weight loss anymore and focus on your own journey? You could even say that you've returned the dresses to get them off your back.

This. Also depends on how overweight you are and whether your health is affected. Your DH might either be tactless and controlling, or just very worried about you, depending on the circumstances. If your BMI is 35 and you're a diabetic with high blood pressure, it's a different scenario from if you're a size 14 who wants to get down to a 10.

Are you the same poster who posted something similar about eating unhealthy snacks after constantly going on about wanting to diet then getting upset when 'B' commented?

If so, stop talking about dieting/losing weight and just do it.

You can LTB

B shouldn't bother as nothing B can say will help A lose weight, it has to come from A.

Support is nice to have but not essential for weight loss. Person A should be losing weight for themselves, I often watch the documentaries on people in America weighing 600lbs + and they blame anyone and everyone for their weight, the only person seemingly blameless is themselves.
If you want to lose weight do it for yourself, however don't tell person B you are on a diet (whilst spending money on clothes that won't fit if you are unsuccessful) and eating grot food and expect them to support you .

For context, I am low carbing at the moment and I don't think my dh has even noticed.

One of my dcs commented unfavourably on something "weird" I was eating - I told them to butt out, I needed to do it to lose weight and I didn't need sarky comments thanks. Perhaps A should speak to B like an adult?

Also as pps have said if you rely or blame other people for your weight loss you are in a hiding to nothing. Just crack on with it for yourself

Labelling stuff as grot food and constantly asking after your diet is really unhelpful. I'd disengage and say I'm not going to talk about my diet anymore and I'd appreciate if they did the same.

However I think buying the dresses to slim into is coming from an unhealthy place and putting unnecessary pressure on yourself. Buying clothes to celebrate your weight loss once it happens is better than buying stuff you can't wear and using them as a stick to beat yourself with.

@RitaFires

Labelling stuff as grot food and constantly asking after your diet is really unhelpful. I'd disengage and say I'm not going to talk about my diet anymore and I'd appreciate if they did the same.

However I think buying the dresses to slim into is coming from an unhealthy place and putting unnecessary pressure on yourself. Buying clothes to celebrate your weight loss once it happens is better than buying stuff you can't wear and using them as a stick to beat yourself with.

This

To be honest. I see you husbands point of you but he's doing it clumsily.

It is frustrating when someone has told you they are doing something and then doesn't do it (it's the same as quitting drink/ smoking).

If you are overweight, he's worried about you, you say you are doing something about it, then he sees a donut in your hand l, you can see how that's frustrating.

B sounds really irritating, but if A talks to B about weight loss a lot, perhaps B feels entitled to comment and scrutinise. B needs to be told when their comments are unhelpful.

This is why I got on with adjusting my diet and managing to lose 3 stone without telling anyone that that is what I was doing.

I can’t bear any commenting or monitoring or ‘oooh should you be eating that?’ .

I just stopped snacking, moved to healthier floods and ate smaller portions. There were plenty of ‘grot food’ diversions but overall the weight loss was steady, if slow, and a year later is to maintain.

Weight loss is not a spectator sport. IMO. Your body doesn’t become public property to police and comment on just because you are adjusting your eating.

Person B is a dickhead and sounds quite controlling! Is he controlling in other ways too or only in your diet OP? I hope it goes well for you, but I get a sense it’s going to be more of a struggle with a partner who’s like that as well as a previous eating disorder.

Perskn b may very well just habe had enough of persln a and their moaning and lack of effort. Or they are bitchy. Who knows.

As to the ED. Is the support already there? A could speak to them about how to handle this

A should go to B&Q and buy a spade and some flagstones. A should then clobber B over the head with said spade and deposit Bs body outside the back door and cover it with the aforementioned flagstones. A should then go to the fridge and eat whatever the frig she feels is right for her. Dieting people need encouragement as undermining only makes them seek solace in food even more.

B should STFU. However as so many people are incapable of doing so, A should tell them they've stopped dieting and don't want to discuss it anymore. I lost a stone in secret because I didn't want to risk comments every time I ate a piece of chocolate. It's perfectly possible to lose weight and still eat some 'unhealthy' food.

Waste of time and money to buy clothes to slim into. But person B is not being very helpful either.

It’s very frustrating living with someone who keeps moaning about needing to lose weight, their new diet etc but then doesn’t stick to it and doesn’t lose the weight and keeps moaning about this.

So I think A is U here.

@StrangeToSee

It’s very frustrating living with someone who keeps moaning about needing to lose weight, their new diet etc but then doesn’t stick to it and doesn’t lose the weight and keeps moaning about this.

So I think A is U here.

I agree with this. I have a relative that constantly talks about losing weight, always on a fad diet, talks about how they'd love to be thin, does multiple "nee starts" every other month.

Then orders dominoes and drinks 2 bottles of wine on a weekend and then bitches about how they haven't lost any weight.

It's very tiresome. I can't be bothered with the supportive comments anymore.