To be massively pissed off

[doolallysplot]

Maybe I'm just tired from lack of sleep and am overreacting, but I need unbiased opinions.

For context DH and I have DD who is 2 and since she was born, I haven't had any girls days/nights and DH and I have had one day date. DH has been on a few days/nights out which is totally fair but it's always a given that he can go and I'll be with DD (obviously as her mother I should be and am happy to be but due to his working days/hours, it's very difficult for me to go out unless I find someone else to watch DD, which is why I haven't been).

Anyway to the point, I saw an event on locally which was miraculously on on the one day of the week that DH and I are off together and my DM can watch DD. I got really excited and thought it would be so much fun for us to go together as we never do anything anymore and it would be so nice to have the time as just us.

Unfortunately for me DH is very close to my MIL and immediately wanted to invite her, then when I checked the date it turned out it was on her birthday, in his eyes, perfect as he wanted her to come anyway. In my eyes I was gutted as I wanted it to be the two of us, we've had one date in 2 years! Especially if I was going to have DM watch DD for the day, it seemed wasted if more family were going to come along.

I chose to bite my tongue, understanding that it's her birthday so I can understand him wanting to be with her. However as we've gone to book tickets, it turns out you must show proof that you are double jabbed to attend (makes total sense and is very fair) the problem is, I've had my first jab but my second isn't due for a couple of weeks, we are TTC and by the time it's due, I'll be in the 2WW so I was planning on deferring it until aftet I test, if I did get a bfp (if only!) then I was planning on waiting until I reached the 12 week mark to get the second jab just to be safe.

Either way, tickets need to be booked asap as are they are selling out, DH didn't even want the jab until I convinced him, he is going to phone to book his next jab asap and has said if I'm not going to book my next jab before the tickets are bought then I obviously can't go but he'll still go with MIL.

Aibu to be gutted and massively annoyed that what was originally my idea for something for the two of us has been turned into a birthday event for MIL that I can't even go to now?

Fully recognise I sound like a tantruming toddler but I feel like I always miss out on everything as it's always me who stays at home with DD while DH goes to events and nights out.

Wow that was longer than I anticipated, thank you if you read this far!

For this one event i can understand that as it's his mum's birthday and you're not fully vaccinated, you could step aside with a smile.

But you need to address your unhappiness that you don't do things together or that you don't get time to do things on your own. He didn't "need" to go to those stags - he wanted to and you facilitated that. Where is him facilitating you to do things or for you both to do things together. Alone.

Why don’t you delay TTC until after the 2nd jab and that way you will be able to grab a ticket and confidently plan in the immediate term.

To be fair though you are choosing not to be fully vaccinated. You can’t expect others to not go to things because of your choice.

Check the t and c again. Normally you can show a negative lft instead of double jabs. Agree you should hold off ttc u til second jab is done, assuming he stops being a prat in the meantime.

How come his work schedule allows him to go out with his friends but doesn’t allow him to stay at home with your child so you can go out with your friends? And if he’s like this with just one child he’s not going to change when you have two kids. Prepare yourself for many more years of not going out with your friends. Should have put your foot down 2 years ago.

He's completely hijacked your day out. Did you ever suggest that it would be nice to do something as a couple? Perhaos he just got carried away?

Are you sure TTC is a great idea right now, given you have so little freedom as it is abd your husband seems tied to his mother's apron strings?

I'd get jabbed and see whether some friends want to go if he's already told his mother about it.

Why don’t you go out after work if he’s already at home with the baby??

It was meant to be a rare day out for the two of you. He needs to cancel on mil so you can have a day out somewhere else.

Surely that's the only right thing to do? It's more important for the 2 of you to spend time together as a couple (a date) than him taking his mother out on her birthday.

This was meant to be a couple's day out/date. You can't go to this venue, so you both need to find another. He can celebrate mils birthday on his day off.

This is a rare opportunity for the two of you to spend time together, while dm babysits, it shouldn't be sacrificed for mil.

"DH has been on a few days/nights out which is totally fair"
It's not totally fair if you're not also getting the opportunity

"(obviously as her mother I should be [with DD as a given] and am happy to be but due to his working days/hours, it's very difficult for me to go out unless I find someone else to watch DD, which is why I haven't been)."

This is absurd.

Get your husband to start parenting his child.

In this particular case, I wouldn't have a problem with him going with his mum.

In general though, it is horseshit that he can arrange time off to go out with his mates but not to go out with you/look after your dd while you go out.