Am I being unreasonable in suggesting meeting up with my friend before they move?

[PamelaR85]

Hey all,

I am chatting to a friend talking about meeting up - we send messages once every month or so, as both quite introverted! (I particularly am super-introverted and have social anxiety!)

I recently got back to their last message where they said it'd be great to meet up (they sent it to me at the start of May) and they said that they are moving cities for a year at the start of September. This will mean that will be much further away, so not sure if a meeting could be arranged as easy after this.

Was thinking of replying now talking generally as I do in the message, and maybe ending suggesting that it would be great to meet up one weekend before September (if they can make it), but no worries whatsoever if they can't.

Basically, I want to get the tone across that it would still be great to see them, but totally understand that they are prons quite busy and don't want to pressure for a meeting before they move.

Was thinking of ending my message along the lines of:

"I know I'll be around, and can get to, [city name] most weekends this month just not the 15th, as I am in Greece then!), so if you're free and not too busy getting ready to move (gosh, that must be stressful...) it'd be great to meet before you go"
Does this set the right tone? Thanks so much for any advice - I am terrible when it comes to writing messages, as I get so anxious about the wording!

Vote:

Am I being unreasonable in suggesting meeting up with my friend before they move?

YABU - Yes
YANBU - No

I'd just say

Wow you're moving! How exciting!

Let's meet up before you go and you can tell me all about it.

...

Your style may be different to mine though!

Of course it's not out of line to suggest meeting before they go!

Meh, you sound just like me, OP. My friends don't get offended if they don't receive a response for weeks. Equally they know I won'd mind if they take ages to respond too. The message is fine, hope you and your friend can meet up.

Your message is absolutely fine OP, no need to worry

I’d reply asap but keep it much shorter,

‘sorry for late reply - exciting that you’re moving! Would love to meet up before you go if you have time, I’m free xyz’

And as it’s now only a month until they go don’t be offended if there’s no time to meet up now.

Can't vote in app but YANBU

I would just say break it down a step at a time and explain things as the conversation unfolds.

I was similar to you and tried to pre empt possible reactions and mitigate for them through carefully worded messages. but it has taken some me time to learn that a simple message an await response the react appropriately.

So message number one

"Hey (friend) shall we meet up in (nearest city) before you move in September? Be lovely to see you!"

I don't think you need to apologise for not responding as it sound how you usually communicate and you didn't leave anything hanging. Then judge the reply and if they can either say yes or no or not reply or ask a question etc.

After confirmation you can then discuss times and plans etc

Good luck. I also have to be in the zone!

The message needs to start with sorry it's took so long to get back to you, then insert your message

Your friend is YOUR friend, not the friend of anyone else on mumsnet. As long as she isn't upset with you, she must be fine with your communication style, so you can message her however feels right. At this point with just a few weeks until she moves though, it would be good to arrange a meeting time with minimal waffle e.g. "I hope your planning for the big move is going well, I'd like to see you before you go. Are you free any weekend days in August?"