Can someone please get me organised??

[dustyflipflop]

I am currently WFH with a 3 yo and 6 yo on their summer holidays. DH is out anywhere from 7-8am to 4-6pm depending on the day.

My employer is very flexible i.e. I can work whenever I want for the most part as long as the project gets done. But I'm finding it so fucking hard right now.

The house is a tip and it really messes with my head - it always does when it's like this. The DCs (as great as they are) throw me off focus and I'm finding myself dwindling the days away without getting much done at all. I am really behind and need to catch up on lots of stuff.

I might have a very small amount of childcare here and there over the next few weeks but it has not yet been confirmed so in the meantime I need to get shit under control.

How do I get a solid 2-3 hours (at least) of work done on my laptop from morning until 4pm, sort dinner, do some bits with the DCs other than sitting them in front of the ipads, do my bit to try and prevent the house from becoming a bigger tip and walk the dog?

I'm sure there will be some pros on here that could throw some suggestions my way and I would be really grateful for anything at this point!

I would so something like:

Breakfast (while they eat prep dinner for later - meal plan to make this easier).

Morning - walk the kids and the dog. Fresh air and exercise for everyone. Stop at the playground if you can. Play eye spy/make some park pictures etc along the way.

Later in the morning - once home do something with them, craft or play with them or baking or whatever you like to do together.

Lunch (prep dinner if you didn't get time earlier).

Read a few books with them.

Put a film on/let them have their screens for 1.5 hours or so. You work.

Check-in, quick chat, snack etc.

They play together/independently. Maybe have a friend over for the older one if that would help. If there is something that keeps them quiet like stickers or something, produce some new ones at this point. Basically anything to get another hour or so of work done.

I would keep the same routine everyday so they know what to expect and will be able to go along with the schedule. Stick with it and they will get it which will make it much easier.

Get up early and do some then. Then all out for a dog walk. Do some when they go to bed?

You need childcare!

Where does the 3 yo usually go when you work?
Holiday club for 6 yo if you can find spaces.

Seriously- at those ages it’s madness trying to find a ‘solid 2-3 hours’ in a day to work.

You take holiday so your DH can work, then your DH takes holiday so you can work…

This is impossible with a 3 year old. You might be able to manage if it was just the 6 year old (and were willing to resort to lots of screen time) but with a 3 year old no way.

Mine were 6 and 3 during the first lockdown but luckily DH and I were both wfh home although it was still a struggle.

We let DS play minecraft online with his friends for far too long each day and DD (the then 3 year old) often had to sit between us colouring in while we tried to work. It was hell and there were 2 of us.

If you weren’t working from home and would usually be in the office what would you have done for childcare? You could be the most organised person in the world but you can’t work effectively whilst caring for a 3 and 6 year old.

You can work, or you can look after your children. You can't do both. It's not fair on them to not have an active adult around talking to them, helping them, engaging with them. They should always have someone and, if that cannot be you, you need to book them into a holiday club.

WFH isn't a shortcut to avoiding childcare costs by just letting them use devices or letting work slide. With older children perhaps the balance is easier, but at 3 and 6 they deserve engagement, conversation and to be able to play without being being deemed a nuisance. That's no life.

You've left it late but some clubs might still have spaces.

And if you cannot get childcare or are holiday, then you need to accept that 8-4 is your child-centric time, and that 4.30-8.30pm is your work day. Your DP does tea-time & bedtime every day.

You really won’t get anything done otherwise. There’s no magic bullet that will give you uninterrupted time at the ages your children are.

You get childcare.

Wfh veteran here. Even if a flexible employer childcare is not optional if you have any kind of real time commitment. You might be able to get by if you only need to do an hour or two a day, but otherwise you need help.

Are you able to work for a couple of hours once your DH is home? I know it's not ideal but if you stop trying to balance it all during the day and have a dedicated time later on would that help?

Things I’ve done:

Work from 5-7, ask partner to sort kids breakfast if they are early risers.

Screen time…I sit in same room and work while they watch a programme.

Get a babysitter to supervise at home (by far the best, our neighbours daughter has helped me in the past, doing 2-3 hours playing and crafting while I work in another room.

Trading some childcare with friends, I’ll take their kids for an afternoon and they’ll return the favour.

If your children can play independently but want constant snacks you could make them a packed lunch so they get their fruit, veggies, sandwich, water bottle etc made in the morning, then you can wash up after breakfast and house stays tidy for the rest of the day. If you go to the park take it with you.

Put a timer on for 30 minutes, that the kids can see. Work in a sprint for a short burst, then when the alarm goes you can get a new activity going for them.

Get up at 5 am , and do three hours work on laptop in your pyjamas.

DH gets the kids up and feeds them, and leaves at 8.

You spend the morning with kids, take them out somewhere energetic; give them lunch and put them in front of TV for an hour while you have a tidy up. Then kids entertain themselves while you organise dinner then put your feet up with a cuppa .
When DH gets home he has dinner then loads the dishwasher , sorts laundry, loads the washing machin and turns them on.

We're not in lockdown / homeschool nightmare anymore - you need proper childcare.

I can't believe your employer is happy with this - if they are they are mugs only getting 2/3 very distracted / fire fighting hrs a day out of a (presumably) full time employee???

@LuxOlente WFH isn't a shortcut to avoiding childcare costs by just letting them use devices or letting work slide. With older children perhaps the balance is easier, but at 3 and 6 they deserve engagement, conversation and to be able to play without being being deemed a nuisance. That's no life.

Thanks this makes me feel 100x better. If holiday clubs were an option they would have gone. I am not considering them a nuisance at all so please stop making these sweeping assumptions.

@FusionChefGeoff I can't believe your employer is happy with this - if they are they are mugs only getting 2/3 very distracted / fire fighting hrs a day out of a (presumably) full time employee???

I am not full time and my employer is perfectly happy with the set up as I mentioned in my OP. I work in the evenings after DCs have gone to bed as well but without getting a couple of hours in through the day I am really struggling and staying up until silly hours which in turn knackers me up for the following morning/day.

This is a very temporary situation and obviously just until they go back to school in September, it's an unusual one this year for a variety of reasons and next year won't look like this but I wasn't about to write an essay detailing every single factor. I was just hoping for suggestions to help me manage the situation I explained.

Some good suggestions here though. They have been getting up a bit later recently so perhaps I should make an effort to wake up early and get some bits done first thing. I can absolutely work in my pjs so its not a problem.
I think I need to start working on a schedule.

I know you've said holiday clubs arent an option and they are all booked up around me, however if you call them they can put you on a wait list and due to isolation etc there are often spaces at short notice. Otherwise can their dad take some holiday, or you have more kids round for a playdate then reciprocate so at least the kids are entertained a bit and you get some time alone. My kids are the same ages and there is literally nothing that will entertain the youngest for more than about 20 min at a time other than tablet or playing with friends.
Or go to the park and work offline for a bit (probably wouldn't work with mine as always needing help with something but you never know)

Where do you live? No childcare , holiday clubs at all? That can't be the case, unless you are so rural, that there's nothing.

@Oblomov21

Where do you live? No childcare , holiday clubs at all? That can't be the case, unless you are so rural, that there's nothing.

I never said there isn't any. They are just not an option for us at the moment due to financials. Again as I mentioned in my reply, it's a bit of an unusual one this year for a few reasons and next year will be a different kettle of fish.

Just trying to work with what I have.

OK, so in this situation all you can realistically do is lower your expectations of yourself and the amount you can achieve, make sure your DH understands that when he is not at work you will need to be working (afternoons/evenings & weekends) and stick to that timetable. And beg anyone you can for childcare favours.

You really can’t get 2+ hours in a day to get work done with kids your age unless your work doesn’t require concentration/you can cope with interrupted ‘flow’ (I can’t). As a PP says, I’m a long-time WFH veteran and I’ve done it all through from the age of your kids and it’s really only upper primary school (8-9, say) that they start being able to give you that time.

So you and your DH have to work as a team.

You're trying to fit 3 full time jobs plus housework into yours and DHs lives. That's not going to happen without v little downtime for both of you.

A schedule could be
5am - get up and get 3 hours work done before DH goes to work while DH sorts out breakfasts and gets children dressed
8am - 4pm - DH at work and you full time with the children/some housework
4pm - 8pm - you work while DH does dinner, bath and bedtime. He then tidies up and you both finish and sit down at the same time.

It's only going to work if you're both occupied for the same length of time, it's not fair if you spend all day looking after a 3 and a 6 y/o, and then spend your evenings catching up on work while he watches TV with the house in a mess.

Make every day a similar schedule. Work 5-8am your partner does EVERYTHING with the kids. Take them out. Lunch at 12. Then movie time 1.5 hours and you work in the same room as a 3 year old can’t be on their own. Then work remaining hours when your partner is home and he does EVERYTHING until you finish work. Prepare dinner if he doesn’t cook during the day. Work the weekends is the other option.

YABU. You should be doing what you would be doing if you had to go into the workplace. Which is use annual leave or organise childcare. You have a good employer but are taking the piss.

Hi OP - I was in a similar position to yourself but I was a single parent. During lockdown I had a 5-year-old and 3 years old at home - my employer wouldn't furlough me and expected me to still work as I WFH before it was cool

I personally gave up trying to work during the day or morning as im not a morning person - it was too much. I worked 8/9pm until 1am and answer the odd call from work. My kids would sleep until around 8am. I found I could do more work in those hours that I would trying to fit everything in. I would also send them to grandmas on a Saturday and work all day.

I was very transparent with my employer and they were aware of my working hours.

@muddledmidget

You're trying to fit 3 full time jobs plus housework into yours and DHs lives. That's not going to happen without v little downtime for both of you.

A schedule could be
5am - get up and get 3 hours work done before DH goes to work while DH sorts out breakfasts and gets children dressed
8am - 4pm - DH at work and you full time with the children/some housework
4pm - 8pm - you work while DH does dinner, bath and bedtime. He then tidies up and you both finish and sit down at the same time.

It's only going to work if you're both occupied for the same length of time, it's not fair if you spend all day looking after a 3 and a 6 y/o, and then spend your evenings catching up on work while he watches TV with the house in a mess.

This is smart.

Yanbu but it’s fricking hard on you. You need a schedule or could you work Saturday morning? I had a go in lockdown at getting up early and doing a few hours and that really helped - mainly because then I didn’t feel guilty and could be present for the rest of the day.

@Aprilx

YABU. You should be doing what you would be doing if you had to go into the workplace. Which is use annual leave or organise childcare. You have a good employer but are taking the piss.

Oh FFS. My employer is fully aware of my position and completely ok with it. You really do not have enough information about my employment and the way the business operates to be able to give your opinion on it. I didn't ask for this type of input either.

@moosel that sounds really tough.

I think my main priority will be getting up earlier. See how much of a difference that makes for us.