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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are parents in the wrong or me?

20 replies

Quickncjust4this · 02/08/2021 16:47

I'm throwing a big party in a couple weeks, most of the attendees will be my age so invited my parents best friends ( through them) so they would feel less out of place .
Parents said that their friends are at an event with their son that day, so could they bring him along. I said no problem but asked them to double check that timings don't clash with my event which is unusually in the afternoon they said they would.
Rsvp date is long past and I sent a note out to everyone who RSVP d thanking them and letting them know local places to stay for etc.
Parents friends have come back and said they can't make it as the times clash and they let my parents know this.
I've already paid for them at nearly £30 a head. I'm less annoyed about the money than I am about the lack of consideration from my parents! When I asked them what's going on they just said oh yeah it's a shame they can't make it, they had the other event booked first Confused
Obviously parents friends are not at fault here, I'm just irritated at my parents!
Aibu for being annoyed about this?!

OP posts:
suspiria777 · 02/08/2021 17:32

it's not clear from your post whether they RSVPed yes and then changed their minds, or if they simply waited till after the RSVP date to let you know wither way. That changes things.

Original poster
Quickncjust4this · 02/08/2021 17:36

They were invited through my parents to give them some company. My parents rsvp'd yes on their behalf and asked for their son to be included too.
I asked my parents to double check there was no clash with the other event and they said they would.
I booked all three in and paid for them.
When I spoke with to the friends directly they said there was always a clash and they had informed my parents or this - my parents never passed this on.

OP posts:
Fetasalad · 02/08/2021 17:53

Did your parents know that it was costing you £90 to invite their friends?

Original poster
Quickncjust4this · 02/08/2021 17:55

Fetasalad that's a fair question..
No they didn't know the exact amount, but they knew it was a sit down meal

OP posts:
phishy · 02/08/2021 17:55

YANVU, text parents telling them you are out of pocket by £90 and ask them to transfer you the money today.

Manista · 02/08/2021 17:55

Have you told your parents about the money? Did they know the cost in advance?

Fetasalad · 02/08/2021 17:58

It's a tricky one then, your parents probably don't realise you've had to pay in advance and don't see it as a big deal just having 3 less people there. Unfortunately you should have made it clear that you were having to pay in advance. Hopefully you have 3 other people to invite so that it's not a waste.

Original poster
Quickncjust4this · 02/08/2021 18:01

Fetasalad they knew we needed to pay in advance and that is why we had an RSVP date. I explained that when I asked them to make sure there wasn't a time clash with their friends other event. They just didnt know the exact amount.

OP posts:
Cocomade · 02/08/2021 18:06

So to me parents friends had said yes so your parents RSVP'd yes on their behalf, it's then later come about the times clash.
It's your parents friends who were late to tell your parents they couldn't make it.

Original poster
Quickncjust4this · 02/08/2021 18:15

I don't think so cocomade. when I asked parents about it they just said that the other event was booked in first - which we had a conversation about when I asked them to make sure there wasn't a clash as I figured friends were assuming an evening event rather than afternoon

OP posts:
OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 02/08/2021 18:28

Have they got some other friends who could come?

Original poster
Quickncjust4this · 02/08/2021 18:34

No, no other friends. They aren't social at all. I'm not bothered that they won't be there , or even really about the lost money. I'm just feeling super peeved that my parents didn't let me know, even though I'd already asked them to double check.
They don't seem to see the issue with it. I'm not going to bother arguing with them over it I'm just put out and wondering if I'm seeing it as a bigger issue than it actually is?

OP posts:
Mattsmum2 · 02/08/2021 18:36

Has it ever happened before? If not, let it go!

StoneofDestiny · 02/08/2021 18:46

Surely you can cancel their order if it's several weeks away?

Original poster
Quickncjust4this · 02/08/2021 18:49

Nope can't cancel it, it had to be paid in advance based on the numbers attending.

OP posts:
Hollyhocksarenotmessy · 02/08/2021 23:26

Can you invite 3 more friends of your own?

Hollyhocksarenotmessy · 02/08/2021 23:27

Or give 3 single friends a +1?

Its a shame to waste the spaces.

TempName01 · 03/08/2021 12:48

If your parents’ have no friends going are they in danger of dropping out themselves? You need to make it clear how much this has cost, they surely can’t have a clue that they have wasted you £90 already. I would be so pissed off.

freelions · 03/08/2021 12:56

Unless there is a history of them doing similar things then I honestly don't think it is worth getting overly upset about

Yes, it's a bit annoying but par for the course when you are organising an event. I certainly wouldn't be asking your parents for the money or making them feel bad about it.

I would invite 3 other friends so the money isn't wasted.

MatildaTheCat · 03/08/2021 13:08

Invite other people.

If your parents have no other friends then I assume they aren’t very socially savvy about RSVPs and so on. Maybe mention it in passing but it’s not worth turning into an issue.

Have a lovely day.

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