Fil and his opinions and unsolicited advice

[Zaratli]

Not even sure what my Aibu is really, Think I just want a rant and perhaps a bit of advice what to maybe say in future. Aibu to still get irritated by fils constant unsolicited advice?

I should be used to him by now I suppose, but every single time we are in his company he just spends the whole time telling us what we should do.

Whether it's about the dc, our finances, our house, dhs job, his biggest one is telling us where we should go on holiday.

His ideas are quite frankly crap imho, he's often very wrong about things for example telling us to do things we cannot afford or telling us for example to go somewhere that he hasn't been to himself since the 70s. Whatever we do he tells us we ought to be doing the opposite. He will do things such as registering our interest in things or signing us up to mailing stuff so we end up getting unwanted post or emails. When we ignore it he will go on and on about how we are missing out and if only we'd listened to him.

I've tried just saying things like "I don't really fancy that fil", or "the dc wouldn't enjoy it", or "I've been there and it wasn't my cup of tea". But this seems to make him worse he gets slightly huffy that you don't like his ideas.

Dh just completely zones out.

It's time to put another nickel in your nonfunctional mechanical husband and tell him to stop daydreaming and join the land of the living with his father. Has he always been like this with daddy dearest? Is that his way of coping? I'd say he better speak up or you will and it won't be pleasantries that come out of your mouth. (Really FIL? This shitty subject AGAIN? Your advice is unnecessary and unwanted!)

How about just saying no we won't be doing that. Do you want a cup of tea before you leave?

Assuming he's at your house.
If you're at his it's coats on and goodbye time perhaps.

The best thing about relatives who aren't actually your own family is you can completely ignore them. My in laws are really rude about us being from the North. They mock our accents and make all sorts of nasty comments about us living in poverty, having no clean water etc.

So during our infrequent and dull visits, I wear headphones and read a book.

You'll never change the man, but you can block him out - either by not visiting, or not communicating. Not visiting sounds like a good starter plan!

My dad, bless his soul, used to do this with my DH. I also used to nod and smile and mmhmm, that's interesting. If DH was doing any DIY, he'd stand behind dh's shoulder saying, "now if I were you, blah blah". DH just about managed not to blow his stack. Seriously just don't engage. On repeat, say thanks, but we've already decided on X. Smile, change the subject. Mind you, we weren't subjected to unwanted emails!

He sounds like that Harry Enfield character. I feel your pain, late FIL was the same.

Play dumb. Oh fil you had better ask /check with dh. Make dh involved.... Take the opportunity to walk off and do something else... Every time.

@EKGEMS 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Op we have this, it's bizzare but also slightly controlling.. And patronising I'd just spell it out, it seems like a you either don't feel important or you don't think we run our lives well?
Which is it...

Warning lighthearted!

Give your FIL’s phone number/email Reader’s Digest, Jehovah’s Witnesses, your local MLM pests, every African heir hunter, Xxx rated website and overseas marriage bureau you can find. Hopefully he’ll then be too busy to offer useless advice.

Start doing it back. Sign him up for anything / everything. Leave his address on every mailing list you can find. Get him a doorstep visit from your local religious group JW or LDS. Insert ridiculous 'you shoulds' like 'you should try scuba diving, water-skiing, bungee jumping'.

Do it back, the more ridiculous the better. Make him suffer! Keep score in your head.

So tempted to start signing him up to ridiculous things.

He spent years telling us that where we regularly go on holiday is basically shit in every way and completely unsuitable.

Then recently he decided to go there himself for some reason. Came back all full of it telling us how great it was and all about it as if we didn't already know.

It would have been funny if it wasn't so annoying.

I've tried just saying things like "I don't really fancy that fil", or "the dc wouldn't enjoy it", or "I've been there and it wasn't my cup of tea". But this seems to make him worse he gets slightly huffy that you don't like his ideas.

You need a different tactic, because he is taking your polite objections as requests for more badgering.

As he doesn't care how rude he's being, why are you hesitant to be just as forthright back?
"You should go on holiday to XYZ"
"I don't want to go to XYZ. Why don't you go, if you like it so much?""

"I've signed you up for ABC"
"I didn't ask you to, & now I will have to contact them to unsubscribe, because I'm not interested in ABC. I'm pissed off about it - how dare you give my details out? DO NOT DO IT AGAIN."

"You should have listened to me blah blah blah"
"Stop telling me what to do, I'm capable of making my own mind up."

"You shouldn't have done that, you should have done this"
"How about you change the record? I'm bored to tears of you lecturing me - let's play a new game where I don't tell you what to do, & you don't tell me."

If he gets huffy - so what? Just leave. He'll cotton on eventually. You might even find he starts awarding some grudging respect.