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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband being shitty.. AIBU?

34 replies

Inni632 · 02/08/2021 13:27

DH is being shitty lately. I've got a flu, runny nose and bad headache for the past few days. Husband is completely ignoring me. AIBU to expect care when I can barely get up. He hasn't spoken to me at all for 2 whole days and today suddenly asks why I'm throwing a strop at him

OP posts:
FourEyesGood · 02/08/2021 13:28

It sounds as though you need to communicate more clearly with each other (unless you know why he hasn’t spoken to you for two days and you’re about to drip-feed some massive piece of information).

Original poster
Inni632 · 02/08/2021 13:30

No reason at all. I've not been feeling well. And he hasn't said anything and so I haven't said anything back! Ans if all returning to me being stroppy

OP posts:
Kalvinette · 02/08/2021 13:31

In fairness how much care do you need, it's the flu? Maybe he is trying to be quiet and leave you alone? It is there a back story?

Original poster
Inni632 · 02/08/2021 13:32

I would like to rest more rather than having to look after myself and DS2. He is off work for two weeks and is basically on his computer watching films

OP posts:
ExplodingCarrots · 02/08/2021 13:33

So basically he's one of these twats that hate it when their spouse is ill and goes into a sulk. Has he had to pick up the slack with housework / childcare and now is using silent treatment to punish you ?

RampantIvy · 02/08/2021 13:35

Have you done a PCR test?

Taoneusa · 02/08/2021 13:36

He’s being a lodger, not a husband.

Frazzledd · 02/08/2021 13:41

@Inni632

I would like to rest more rather than having to look after myself and DS2. He is off work for two weeks and is basically on his computer watching films
So he's avoiding the 'Can you do...' conversation by ignoring you - your sick and he wants to sit on his arse and do nothing while he's off work...

Don't be pissed off or ignored, be vocal, tell him your sick and he has to do x,y,z.

Ohsugarhoneyicetea · 02/08/2021 13:45

Life really is much easier without these wastes of space in your life.

fuckoffImcounting · 02/08/2021 13:48

He is one lazy fucker, punishing you for being ill, so that you will get up and do housework and child care so he does not have to. Having a dick exempts him from all such work and makes him High King of the house.
From now on only do stuff for you and the kids, let old dick head do his own skivvying.

girlmom21 · 02/08/2021 13:50

If you can 'barely get up' how are you caring for a 2 year old? Sounds like you both need to just communicate.

I'd assume he doesn't realise how unwell you feel if you haven't spoken to him for 2 days and are still looking after a toddler.

1forAll74 · 02/08/2021 14:01

Not speaking to each other, is not communicating properly.If you feel rough, just ask for some help from him. You have to prompt some men who are lazy and indifferent to things around them, to get them to take any notice.

Frazzledd · 02/08/2021 14:36

@girlmom21

If you can 'barely get up' how are you caring for a 2 year old? Sounds like you both need to just communicate.

I'd assume he doesn't realise how unwell you feel if you haven't spoken to him for 2 days and are still looking after a toddler.

Oooo, I'm slightly irked by this. There seems to be a 'acceptable level of being sick' and still expected to do all of the childcare/housework/cooking. I get this all the time and it's such a double standard in relationships.

At what point of illness is it acceptable to go to bed and get well, without a huff or a sigh or being made to feel guilty about asking for help with the kids.

In my case it'd take a coma....but I'd get a full fucking run down of how hard it's been as soon as I came round...Angry

ForeverSausages · 02/08/2021 14:41

I agree Frazzledd, it is a double standard. If toddler's dad is off for 2 weeks why can't he parent whilst OP rests? Whether that be because she has the flu, or a headache.

vivainsomnia · 02/08/2021 14:44

Have you had COVID ruled out? I wouldn't approach my OH until he had confirmation he didn't have it.

Looubylou · 02/08/2021 14:50

Have you made it clear to him, in words, that you feel ill and need help? Might he of thought you were lazing because he is off or in a sulk yourself? If you have been expecting it to be obvious, I'm afraid lots of men miss what seems obvious to their partners. If, on the other hand, you did state clearly your condition, he's an arse. Also, if my son's father was off for 2 weeks I'd expect him to entertain him for some of that time and have made plans to do so - whether I was ill or not. I. Have had occasion to remind my partner that he is on holiday from work, not from life generally.

Original poster
Inni632 · 02/08/2021 14:53

Yes negative PCR test. And I think that's the reason he doesn't want me to ask him to help out so he prefers to ignore and now argue..

I can barely get up but as he isn't taking care of DS I am forced to get up with multiply painkillers to make sure DS is fed and clean.

OP posts:
Original poster
Inni632 · 02/08/2021 14:55

@Looubylou

Have you made it clear to him, in words, that you feel ill and need help? Might he of thought you were lazing because he is off or in a sulk yourself? If you have been expecting it to be obvious, I'm afraid lots of men miss what seems obvious to their partners. If, on the other hand, you did state clearly your condition, he's an arse. Also, if my son's father was off for 2 weeks I'd expect him to entertain him for some of that time and have made plans to do so - whether I was ill or not. I. Have had occasion to remind my partner that he is on holiday from work, not from life generally.
Love the last sentence. Yes he knows I'm I'll. First day I was ill he was talking to me asking how I am. It's the next day he suddenly just starts ignoring me
OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 02/08/2021 14:56

He’s a waste of time
Why’s he not looking after his son when he’s not working and you’re unwell? He sounds like such a loser

LadyCatStark · 02/08/2021 14:56

Urgh I have a ‘d’h like this he can’t stand it when I’m ill. He inevitably comes down with the same illness and then the dressing gown of doom comes out and it’s 2 days in bed and “why aren’t you giving me any sympathy?”

Cadent · 02/08/2021 15:00

He's angry that your being ill means he may need to actually look after his own DC.

Stop waiting for him to offer and give him orders. You shouldn't have to tell him what needs doing but he's being a twat so give him orders.

GreyEyedWitch · 02/08/2021 15:07

I find it weird how some people respond to their partner being ill. It's not like you're expecting your DH to be at your bedside day and night. You're just asking for a basic level of kindness and consideration. Don't ask, tell him what needs to be done for DS.

toocold54 · 02/08/2021 15:37

I’d just go and watch Netflix in bed for a couple of days. Don’t give him an option to not do anything. Just say you’re not feeling well so you’re going up to bed.

LysistrataVickers · 02/08/2021 15:41

I couldn't be doing with that. I'd have to ask if he had a problem?

malificent7 · 02/08/2021 15:46

Ugggrrrr! I i's just not sexy is it?