How regularly do you message people back. Aibu and anti social

[Goldenfan]

Hi

Just that really. Trying to see if I'm just an anti social person.

I have a friend who can be a bit of a CF. She pretty much arranged for me to do her a favor costing me time and money without asking me and sent a message along the lines of "arranged with x for you to pick up my stuff at lunchtime then drop it here, hope thats ok much appreciated" I was thinking wtf as 1 im busy at that time and 2 I never knew about or agreed to do this. So I just didn't text back.

This is not the first time.

Friend has mentioned in the past that I will go days without communicating and she gets a bit upset. She will send text after text until I do reply. Often 10+texts in a row.

Shes not the only one though. I have other friends who regularly message me and I don't reply maybe for a day or two and they might message inbetween asking if I'm ok etc

I'm fine. I'm just really busy with life. I have 2 (soon 3) children. I work and I'm renovating a house. I like to spend my free time reading or seeing my mum. Or seeing people face to face so ul Mesa or ring to arrange that. I don't like to stare at my phone constantly especially when with my children. I mumsnet occasionally but don't have any social media. I'm not interested.

Maybe I'm awful for this.

I do have another friend with 3 children who can go days even weeks without replying and thats fine with me. Two friends mentioned above have 1 child and one is child free. Perhaps that's why as I'm sure they have more free time.

I'm questioning if it's normal to not need to be in constant contact with friends. Do you lot text friends each day or reply straight away. Will I end up lonely and friendless. Aibu and a ignorant recluse.

For me it depends how much I want to reply to them. I don't generally want to get into a conversation with all of them and acquaintances from shared hobbies fall into that category of 'what's needed and no more'.

I resent it when friends use Whatsapp just so that they can see that I've read the message and when that was. Why do that? I know they do it for that reason because they tell me.

I have two friends that I will reply to almost immediately.

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe
Totally agree re WhatsApp.
I normally reply speedily but there are two categories of people who I put off replying to:

1. The friends who bombard you with 5 minute voice messages one after the other plus text so it takes you about half an hour just to catch up on what they have to say
2. Even worse, I have one friend who every other day will write: "Hey K, how are you?". Or sometimes just "Hey!" It's like if you're going to start a conversation.....start a conversation.

I agree with others here. The first friend is definately a CF.

That said I think there is a bit some sort of loose etiquette with messages. I am a same day replier unless I genuinely forget. If that happens I will say sorry that I missed the message especially if it is something that was time sensitive.

I do think it is rude to leave a message hanging for days, it takes very little time to type a quick reply, even a 'busy will get back to you in a few days'. I have a friend who routinely just ignores messages (they will be read within minutes on WhatsApp) and doesn't acknowledge it at all when they start a conversation months later. When they initiate a conversation it will be back and forth instant replies. The convo could go on for hours.

I always always reply, even if it's just a thumbs up. I don't think you can argue you're too busy for that. Sometimes at the end of the day and occasionally a few days later, if I've opened a message but not had time to reply and the notification has gone so I forget.

However, my reply to that message would be sorry, I don't have time this week.

I also think, if you don't mind me saying so OP, that this sounds a bit of a passive aggressive stealth boast:

I like to spend my free time reading or seeing my mum. Or seeing people face to face so ul Mesa or ring to arrange that. I don't like to stare at my phone constantly especially when with my children. I mumsnet occasionally but don't have any social media. I'm not interested.

Everyone feels overwhelmed and bombarded with electronic communication in these days. It's not really a dichotomy between people who are "interested" or "not interested" in social media. The reality is everyone unless they live at the bottom of a field has to deal with it to some extent.

There's a middle ground between "staring at your phone constantly" and a judicious and quick response when its needed. Anyone who is managing modern life can deal with that.

@thepeopleversuswork bit of a strange thing to stealth boast about never heard of it before.

I think expectations might depend on generations/age too.

I am early 30s and all of my friends and my sister who are similar age tend to reply quite quickly. We always have our phones on us so if someone didn't reply for a day or so I would definitely message again to check they were OK.

But my mum and dad might reply, might not. Might have their phones on them, might not. They don't do general chit chat via text and so I only really text them if necessary. I wouldn't expect a quick reply from them.

[quote Goldenfan]@thepeopleversuswork bit of a strange thing to stealth boast about never heard of it before.[/quote]
Maybe stealth boast is the wrong phase.

But most people are busy but some people use "busyness" as an excuse not to reply promptly to text messages. It's one thing not to want to become completely absorbed in social media but no one is so busy they can't send a 10 word reply to a text message.

I'm not having a go btw I've done this myself. I just think it can be a way of justifying to yourself when you've been a bit slack.