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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Children's passports with exH

26 replies

hashbrownsandwich · 01/08/2021 18:21

My ExH applied for passports for my children and didn't tell me. They've been living it up abroad last week and are travelling to his home nation (him on his dual nationality passport, kids on their uk passport) later this month.
AIBU to be pissed off that he has applied for the passports, done the first holiday and hasn't even put any mention of me in their contacts?
For sake of stating they live with me and go to him alternate weekends and half of school holidays.
I'm just suprised he managed to get them out of the country without my consent!

OP posts:
Sunshinedaisymeadowsxx · 01/08/2021 18:24

He has PR so there’s nothing to stop him
However it is common courtesy.
I’m very surprised he managed to apply for their passports without details from you. As he would need your passport number too to confirm ID?
Guessing the relationship between you two isn’t the best?
You could seek legal advice, seek a prohibited steps order. That can be put in place to stop a parent doing something… or you look for a court order to be in place. Stating that neither of you can take abroad without informing the other parent?

girlmom21 · 01/08/2021 18:26

I'd be pissed off that he hasn't at least mentioned they'd be leaving the country.

What's your communication normally like?

titchy · 01/08/2021 18:31

Stating that neither of you can take abroad without informing the other parent?

That's already the law. Which he has broken. Do you think there's any chance he won't bring them back? Is it a Hague convention country?

picklemewalnuts · 01/08/2021 18:31

Are you sure he'll bring them back from his home nation?

Datingandnoideahowto · 01/08/2021 18:33

If there is a court order in place for child arrangements then he’s allowed to do this.

FortniteBoysMum · 01/08/2021 18:46

I applied for my eldest first passport. Did not need birth fathers passport details. I putv his name and dob on the form but had no contact details as his been away for a decade. They did not contact him. I think it's just checking the details match birth certificate and possibly that nothing legally is stopping him taking them out the country. If you share the same surname there are no real checks as such. Luckily my son has my name. They did ask him who the people he was travelling with. I would say however that I didn't ask because we have no contact. In your situation I would raise it with him and see his reaction. Saying his dual nationality and that his not informed you I would be worried about him taking the kids to his home country and not returning. If you have concerns about that being a risk see a solicitor immediately to get a court order stopping him taking them abroad.

Original poster
hashbrownsandwich · 01/08/2021 18:51

Thing is, while I dislike exH I wouldn't object if he wants to take them and they are happy to go.

Home nation is USA. Probably outing but it is what it is.

There is no court order in place, we have always agreed he gets EOW and half school holidays.

OP posts:
omgthepain · 01/08/2021 18:56

@hashbrownsandwich

To be honest if you were American and wanted to take your kids to see your family you'd have been the ones applying for the passports

I don't see the issue it's just one of those things

I'm sure you'll have other opportunities to take them

My ex who I was with 8 years had a som and we used to take him away once or twice a year and he had
His mother's surname,
Not even my ex's and certainly not mine and on the 12-14 holidays abroad we weren't stopped once, which thinking about it now is a worry but we were all amicable x

clickychicky · 01/08/2021 19:13

Are you sure he will bring them back?

Original poster
hashbrownsandwich · 01/08/2021 19:23

ExH has step kids over here who I am pretty sure their dad would do a lot worse than me if they didn't return on time

OP posts:
titchy · 01/08/2021 19:26

Is the US letting non-citizens in at the moment? I'd be concerned about him bringing them back tbh.

He needs your permission to take them out of the country, so it might end up being difficult for him to bring them to the US. He has broken the law. Do they need ESTAs? Can you get their passports marked so they get questioned when they try to enter?

Some legal advice at this point could well be worth its weight in gold OP.

umberellaonesie · 01/08/2021 19:30

As they have dual citizenship they should travel on their US passports, you are not allowed to use your dual home nations against each other.

PumpkinKlNG · 01/08/2021 19:33

I applied for my kids passports and got them, I didn’t need any thing from ex and never put his details on because he is absent so it’s not true that he needs your passport details

PumpkinKlNG · 01/08/2021 19:34

I got my children’s passports without needing anything from my ex and I didn’t put his passport details or any contact details as he is absent and I got the passport just fine so it’s not true that he needs your details

PumpkinKlNG · 01/08/2021 19:35

Sorry didn’t mean to post it twice it didn’t go through the first time I posted

titchy · 01/08/2021 19:37

@umberellaonesie

As they have dual citizenship they should travel on their US passports, you are not allowed to use your dual home nations against each other.
OP doesn't say anything about them having US passports....
titchy · 01/08/2021 19:38

Are they travelling with his partner and her dcs as well then given you mentioned his step dc's father?

GetTaeFuck · 01/08/2021 19:39

I can’t believe he didn’t tell you. Awful.

How old are DC? Did they know and have been told not to tell you?

toocold54 · 01/08/2021 19:43

He didn’t tell you they were going out of the country?!

I would tell the other parent even if I was going on a weekend trip in the sand country. It’s just common courtesy.

toocold54 · 01/08/2021 19:44

*same

JustLyra · 01/08/2021 20:15

I'd be livid not to know the children were out of the country. Especially at the moment, but it's just basic courtesy.

Are they old enough to have been told not to tell you? Because that's a seriously appalling thing to tell them to keep from you.

Original poster
hashbrownsandwich · 02/08/2021 13:35

To clarify the kids are not dual citizens, only exH is.
I believe the US is allowing kids of citizens in even if the kids are not us citizens (if that makes sense).

OP posts:
Seren20 · 02/08/2021 13:54

Absolutely bloody outrageous behaviour. Completely unreasonable thing to do.

On their return get him to hand over the passports and make it clear that its completely unacceptable behaviour and you expect all future trips abroad to be agreed in advance. I’d be inclined to reiterate via text/WhatsApp so you’ve got something written down!

Bibidy · 02/08/2021 14:07

AIBU to be pissed off that he has applied for the passports, done the first holiday and hasn't even put any mention of me in their contacts?

Reading this bit OP it seems like you feel more put out that he's done the passport and first abroad holiday before you than that you've got worries he might not bring them back etc etc. I think it's natural to be a bit upset about it but also he's not done anything wrong. He has as much right to apply for a passport for his kids as you do.

On the plus side, at least he's paid for the passports and now you don't have to faff about with it when you want to take them abroad :)

Askingforfriend · 03/08/2021 04:58

@hashbrownsandwich

To clarify the kids are not dual citizens, only exH is. I believe the US is allowing kids of citizens in even if the kids are not us citizens (if that makes sense).
Are you sure? I'm a dual national and if I had a kid they would be a US dual national without applying for it. If your ex didn't grow up there it is possible that they aren't.