"Yeah I still do all the family admin, but I don’t have the lazy git sat on the sofa watching me."
Yep. I don't mind as much doing things now that I know it's me or it doesn't get done. No more stewing about why can't he, why does he need anoooother nap, why can't he see we're almost out of milk, why am I always the default parent.
I do all the doctor dentist eyeglasses as I have always done. Large expenses like school fees, coats, boots, cell phones are taken care of by me with notification to him, as per our settlement agreement. He then reimburses me for half the cost. Ive been generous to a fault because his job has paid about half mine. I pay child support to him. He recently got a new job which will pay about the same as mine, so no more generosity. Child support from me will cease, and I will start asking for half of eyeglasses, etc, which I wasn't before, even though we are supposed to go 50/50 on all under 18 kid medical expenses.
While we were together I did pretty much everything having to do with the kids' lives and he took care of house stuff and car stuff (which I hate and still hate so he has the house and I kept my retirement fund and live in an apartment). He would never have woken up with a panic like I would "oh God when was the last time the kids saw their doctor and isn't so-and-so due for their immunizations and I must call to get appointments". That would never happen to him.
I arranged Covid shots for all three but he did end up having to take the youngest for his as it was done at the school and I was working and he wasn't, so I didn't have to leave work early. He will willingly do things that I ask, and vice versa.
We are both reasonably flexible about the 50/50 schedule.
Birthday presents for the kids we usually discuss ahead so as not to duplicate, and if it's something larger we might share the cost.
I thought of and started the children's education funds when they were little. I made sure part of the settlement agreement was that we both continue to contribute monthly to those accounts. I have control of them and he gets statements mailed to him.
I take care of school registration. He gets the same notifications as I do about school things throughout the year.
I've helped my teens gets jobs, showed them how to apply, etc. He just said to them "you should get a job" without the guidance. They probably didn't want his guidance anyway. He's very impatient.
Oldest decided to live with me when she turned 18 and so I helped her with her community college classes registration, helped her with how to pay her fees, etc. I didn't bother asking him to pay half. I actually had her pay since she had a job. I filled out the financial aid forms, I keep on track of all that, he is not expected to contribute financially towards college for any of them, especially if they are living with me, so I and they and the education funds are what they will need to rely on. If any of them wish to attend university, I have no doubt that I will organize all of that as well, but I believe I could rely on him to help with driving/transportation to and fro, depending on where they decide to go. Hopefully in state.😬 If he agrees to help with tuition, great. If not, there's nothing I can do, legally.
I have worked the entire time during marriage and having children going from full to part while they were little back to full when the youngest went to school all day, and I still have done pretty much everything having to do with the children's details.
He has taken them on vacation since the divorce and I have not. I appreciate that. We share custody 50/50 with the two younger ones. I have little doubt that the next younger one will also decide to live with me exclusively once she turns 18. She FaceTimes me from her father's house on a regular basis about things her father does and says and it is soooo difficult to bite my tongue especially when she is crying about his thoughtlessness. I am sympathetic without denigrating him myself.
As for the school uniform, would the two of you agree that you buy double sets and then he just pay you for half? There's no way I'd trust my ex to get the right things/right size, etc.
School pictures, for ex, we're each supposed to buy our own set of photos, but he asked if I just order a larger package and then I cut them up and send them to him and he pays half. It's fine. I can't expect him to know how to work the website, now, can I? I'm not going to be petty about something like that.
It will get easier.
Hang in there.