My 22 year old has moved back home

[Mykidsaregrown]

My daughter and I had a strained relationship during her teens. She met a boy at 15 and practically moved in with his parents at 16. They got their own place 2 years ago (she was 20) and all was good. We rebuilt our relationship as she grew up. She’s now 22 and their relationship has broken down and she has moved back home. We were supportive, welcomed her hone etc. But 2 months in and it’s like she’s 15 again. She’s messy, reliant, entitled, demanding and so draining. She is taking advantage with lifts and borrowing money she will never pay back. Using all my things and not putting them back, taking my clothes, makeup, shoes, everything and when I say no she makes me feel like I’m out of order. She hasn’t paid a penny keep because her money is tied up and she is forever missing days in work. Paying her way is the bottom of the list of her priorities. Even typing this out is making me see that she is playing us like fools.
She has such a good heart and is a lovely girl but I need advice. She’s finding her feet for the first time and I want to support her free spirit but I feel she needs to be taught the ways of the real world. We are financially capable of supporting her but I feel we are enabling her “don’t give a shit attitude”. It’s a hard one

Sit her down, tell her its lovely she's back but now let's discuss house rules......and tell her what's acceptable. Or she needs to go. And mean it. Just because you're her mum doesn't mean she can take the piss.

She should never have been allowed to moved in with her bf at 15. She was just a child. You needed to have stepped in at that point. It seems like she really has learnt nothing in the time she has been away. In welcoming her back, yet again you should have set down some rules. She is now an adult who thought she was an adult when she went off to play house. But she wasn't an adult, least of all learnt anything responsibility. If she came back as the same as 15 then treat her like one. She seems to have a spoilt and entitled attitude. You say she has a kind heart, but not that kind to treat her parents home like shit. I would sit her down, firmly lay down the rules and have consequences such as leaving if she can't pull her weight. You will be doing her no favors in life if you let her behave the way she is.

@MrsN100 sometimes there’s absolutely nothing you can do. You can’t keep them locked in their room
@Mykidsaregrown I agree with mumdiva. Say almost exactly what you have said here. You love her, but you feel you are not doing her any favours by letting her way hey through life.
Keep calm and keep talking. Good luck

You need to sit her down and tell her the house rules. Sounds like she’s used to doing what she wants. Tell her if she’s living with you she follows the rules or she’s out

Your daughter definitely did not have boundaries in place at 15 and needs them now. She needs to be working and contributing, if money is not right you can keep these contributions in a savings account to return to her when she’s a little older. As an adult she needs to do more around the house. Have a sit down conversation with her in terms of all the things you do and explain this is life.

As a parent of a adult dc who lives at home I know how bloody annoying it is at times .
I agree you need to sit her down calmly, she absolutely needs to contribute if not financially in other ways you will not be fetching and carrying nor lending any more money .
Why is her money tied up is it rent in previous property? If so sort that out with her .

I've seen this with my own siblings when they have moved home. They regress to a teenage state where they expected DM to do everything. It's so frustrating to watch as DM gets fed up of it all but doesn't do anything about it because she can't be bothered with the fuss.

Be firm now or it won't change.