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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

“Stop Watching Porn!”

29 replies

ChangChang · 01/08/2021 00:16

AIBU to feel weird that my BF thought it okay to say this (fairly loudly) on popping up behind my DS (13) and his friend when he bumped into them in town today?
It was obviously meant as a joke, and DS seems to have found it funny, but I can’t verbalise why I feel uncomfortable that he did this… Harmless joke or a bit “off”?

OP posts:
Original poster
ChangChang · 01/08/2021 00:17

To clarify - the boys were looking at my DS’ phone as they were actually playing Pokemon

OP posts:
FortunesFave · 01/08/2021 00:18

Does BF mean best friend or boyfriend? Either way YANBU...it's a weird thing to say as though the adult in question was trying to be a cook kid...to get recognised by the teens as funny etc.

Bit naff.

spotcheck · 01/08/2021 00:22

Ugh

Original poster
ChangChang · 01/08/2021 00:26

Sorry, yes BF = boyfriend. They do have a jokey relationship but think this was misjudged…

OP posts:
Thisnamewasnttaken123 · 01/08/2021 00:36

I wouldn't like it either, it would put me off of him.

Chickenyhead · 01/08/2021 00:43

It normalises and approves of porn use. Bit creepy for a grown man to say to a child.

LifesNotEnidBlyton · 01/08/2021 00:45

Well this is Mumsnet so this will attract comments about how even the word "porn" is enough to send them into a catatonic state before they "get their ducks in a row". But I don't think theres a problem with this. At 13 your DS will have, unfortunately, seen porn so the word isnt going to open up innocent googling or confusion. It might actually be a good thing that DS gets the idea looking at porn is something to be uncomfortable about, like if he thinks his dad (or if it's not his dad a male figure in his life) is making it into a joke like "dont be doing that because you die inside when people think you're doing it.".

Dntevenknowit · 01/08/2021 00:49

@LifesNotEnidBlyton

Well this is Mumsnet so this will attract comments about how even the word "porn" is enough to send them into a catatonic state before they "get their ducks in a row". But I don't think theres a problem with this. At 13 your DS will have, unfortunately, seen porn so the word isnt going to open up innocent googling or confusion. It might actually be a good thing that DS gets the idea looking at porn is something to be uncomfortable about, like if he thinks his dad (or if it's not his dad a male figure in his life) is making it into a joke like "dont be doing that because you die inside when people think you're doing it.".
Agreed.
OhWhyNot · 01/08/2021 00:53

My ds is 13

I expect he has looked at porn regardless of restrictions I put on his phone

I wouldn’t be amused but neither would I be horrified as I think it could be a possibility

OnTheBrink1 · 01/08/2021 01:00

Does your BF have any experience of raising kids (except yours)?

Cailleachian · 01/08/2021 01:01

@OhWhyNot

My ds is 13

I expect he has looked at porn regardless of restrictions I put on his phone

I wouldn’t be amused but neither would I be horrified as I think it could be a possibility

You are probably right but this makes me sad.

There's a resignation to it, that its just something boys do . I agree that restrictions wont stop it, but I'm just sad that children are exposed to sexual material, and think its "normal".

(not criticising, just sad at the state of the world)

Dntevenknowit · 01/08/2021 01:04

@Cailleachian

It isn't just ‘something boys do’ plenty of girls watch porn as well.

Pedalpushers · 01/08/2021 01:05

I think it was just a stupid joke that reflects the culture your BF was brought up in. No malice.

FrankButchersDickieBow · 01/08/2021 01:31

[quote Dntevenknowit]@Cailleachian

It isn't just ‘something boys do’ plenty of girls watch porn as well.[/quote]
🙄

Plenty of women don't also. They see the degradation on women as abhorrent. Soz if you think it's cool.

Your boyfriend is a bit of a prick. Porn isn't a hahahehe kind of matter.

Is he immature in other ways?

BritWifeInUSA · 01/08/2021 01:36

It’s quite juvenile and shows his lack of experience in raising teens. I think he’s trying to be seen as a mate of theirs, rather than the mum’s boyfriend. What matters is whether it bothered your son or not.

DewDew83 · 01/08/2021 02:29

I'd file under 'non-event'.

NiceGerbil · 01/08/2021 02:57

Hilarious!

Is he much younger than you? Like, 14?!

NiceGerbil · 01/08/2021 02:58

I generally don't like people who find it funny to try and embarrass people but that's probably just me.

Guineapigbridge · 01/08/2021 02:58

Ugh.
I don't know how I'd react to that tbh. It's just crossing a line to mention porn around your son, who is only 13. It's also sad to me that it's expected now that any 13 year old boy will have seen porn on a phone. That's our new normal.

Guineapigbridge · 01/08/2021 02:59

My DD is 10. I'm so sad this is her world.

Chickenyhead · 01/08/2021 03:16

I think I must be one of the only parents on MN who has taught her teenagers about the source of porn and exploitation of women. Porn shouldn't be seen as healthy for a 13yo. It's sick.

GNCQ · 01/08/2021 03:23

Another one for "non event" here.
Although I think saying "stop watching porn" might be a slight admission on his part though?

Guineapigbridge · 01/08/2021 03:51

Yep, I think is an admission on his part. I'd quiz him about his own attitudes to porn.

IndecentCakes · 01/08/2021 03:59

I don't think that's really the right message to be giving to very young men/boys.

Dntevenknowit · 01/08/2021 04:33

@FrankButchersDickieBow

I didn’t state I felt it was ‘cool’. I didn’t give my preference at all. I stated women also watch porn, which many do. It is a factually accurate comment.