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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Ghosted by friend

16 replies

Hillary17 · 31/07/2021 23:34

We’ve been best friends for 30 years. As in, our entire adult lives are inter-twined, we went to primary school together, lived together for years and everyone’s sees us as a double! She is without a doubt my very best friend and I thought nothing could break that. But from the minute I met my husband she became distant despite saying she likes him. I clung to the friendship even when she seemed annoyed or distant; I don’t have any family and she’s always been the most important thing to me. She came to our wedding but I knew something was off; she wasn’t engaged with the day, didn’t seem happy for us. Then I heard nothing. For the last year she has completely ignored me; every text or phone call has gone unanswered, our mutual friends are equally confused by the whole thing but we hear nothing at all. The only explanation I ever got was that she just didn’t like me anymore; apparently she’d moved on from the friendship and decided it don’t deserve her energy. Honestly I’ve been so filled with grief the last year, I miss my friend and want to make things right even if I don’t think I’ve done anything “wrong.” I am heartbroken to lose her. Very happily married, great friendships but I still find myself filled with sadness about the loss. What can I do to make it easier to get over the loss of this friendship?

OP posts:
AdoptedBumpkin · 31/07/2021 23:44

Do you think she could be jealous of your relationship, or even have a thing for your DH?

LibertyFLiberty · 31/07/2021 23:46

Maybe it's to do with your husband? She fancies him or she's slept with him?

Yousexybugger · 31/07/2021 23:52

Did she/ you know your DH before you got together? Could there be some sort of history there you don't know about? I don't necessarily mean sexual.

If not, how has she been around past partners of yours, if any?

Sounds like you're mid 30s at least, is she single? Could she be feeling a lot of pain at wanting kids/ marriage but not having found the right man?

DowntonCrabby · 31/07/2021 23:55

The only explanation I ever got was that she just didn’t like me anymore; apparently she’d moved on from the friendship and decided it don’t deserve her energy.

Was this explicitly expressed??

She sounds like a dick OP, you’re happily married with other solid friendships, I think you have a hell of a lot more going for you than she does.

It must be jealousy, lack of happiness for you or something to do with your DH but I expect just general sour grapes.

Hillary17 · 01/08/2021 00:04

No she didn’t know him beforehand, only met him when we’d been dating six months or so.

OP posts:
Hillary17 · 01/08/2021 00:07

Yes - we bumped into each other at a friends event and I was really upset to see her. She completely ignored me (we’d usually go together) and when I asked how she’d been she explained that she’d just released she’d moved on from our friendship and didn’t like me anymore. Which I know is her decision, I’ve just really struggled to accept that after 30 years someone can dismiss a whole lifetime of friendship!

OP posts:
IdblowJonSnow · 01/08/2021 00:14

How odd.
Either something has happened which you don't know about or she's really jealous and behaving like a child.
Either way there's nothing much you can do but sorry you're going through this.

Coachradley · 01/08/2021 00:18

Is she married, does she have a partner. If unit I would suspects she’s highly jealous of you.

Coachradley · 01/08/2021 00:18

*if not

Saoirse82 · 01/08/2021 00:20

It sounds like you're better off without her. What kind of person would tell a another person who is clearly hurting that they just don't like them anymore. I highly doubt this is the reason, it sounds like its come from a place of jealousy, she was used to being your other half and number one priority but now of course that would no longer be the case. She sounds incredibly spiteful, I'm sorry you're still hurting but you need to let this person go, she has treated you terribly. Focus on your other friendships, you deserve better Flowers

TableFlowerss · 01/08/2021 00:21

Well the only explanation is that she’s jealous? Maybe she feels that DH has taken you away from her, which is ridiculous.

Even if it is that, what kind of friend is jealous that her best friend finds happiness? Why be so blunt about it and say ‘I don’t like you’. Sounds about 8!

Absolutely bizzare OP but there’s no point in dwelling on the past. That lovely BFF appears to have been taken over by a weirdo.

I’d just ignore her from now on and see it as it’s her loss and her problem.

Landlubber2019 · 01/08/2021 00:22

It's ok to feel sad and be happy for the friendship you had, but life changed for you and she didn't want to be part of that. Its sad when friendship s change but I doubt you can get this.l back and you simply have to respect her decision and move on x

saffronfreezing · 01/08/2021 00:24

I think you're going to have to accept that this will change you. Then think about how and how much you can mitigate it by recognising that she clearly has deep seated issues.

Thankgoodness1 · 01/08/2021 00:25

My best friend ghosted me too. It really sucks. You mourn the friendship and move on with your life. It’s easier said than done but screw them, it’s their loss.

aiwblam · 01/08/2021 00:26

You have to primarily respect yourself: why do you want to be friends with someone who’s treated you like this? She isn’t worth your time or bother. It’s alright to feel sad that the friendship has gone, but she is a bitch now.

Guavafish · 01/08/2021 00:28

Sounds like your relationship dynamics completely change once you go married.

She probably doesn’t want to be the spare wheel. Your priorities have changed

I think counselling will help you overcome your grief.

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