Ok lets set the scene....
Dh is a gambling addict , he's gotten himself in thousands of pounds into debt more than once where he is bailed out by naive family members or government schemes.
This hasn't stopped the habit. We are married, with children, renting for more than 10 years. Ive been waiting patiently to get a house of our own, being the lower earner i cannot do this myself and rely on husbands credit, or non existing credit.
Im currently on maternity leave and looking after children 24/7 , 2 of which have been off school for 5 weeks so looking after all children on my own while husband works.
I am.in charge of all the bills and all the wages are directly paid to me with an allowance paid the dh for Fuel, lunches and a little more extra spending money. FYI i dont spend a penny on myself and budget for everything I possibly can.
Dh husband 9 times out of 10 will ask for his allowance early and will receive less on paid day.
Now my DC 5 months, is not the best sleeper, we were supposed to have arrangement where i would get up during the week and DH at the weekend. Dh works hard , he has a long commute and will be out of the house 11 and half hrs every day.
Being on mat leave all childcare, housework, cooking is left to me, im just as tired when Dh arrives home but he will happily sit down and look at his phone while happily allowing me to make tea, do dishes, look after baby etc
He has chosen extra curricular activities after work and at weekends, without discussing with me, so is out of the house more. He has chosen to work extra hours again being out of the house with no discussion with me , just decides these things and as im at home with no life, just looking after the kids ( which to be fair i love but its bloody exhausting) .
Due to working so hard and being very late and tired , i just get up for the baby anyway on his nights, because Dh would just let him cry anyway and i wouldn't really get a night off because id be woken up wondering if he is ever going to settle our child, there is a huge sigh and a "for god sake" and he will reluctantly get up along with shouting out why baby isnt settling 😏
I have seen evidence of £100 bets being places at a time...
My aibu....
He is out of the house more than he should because he is working extra hrs , he says its for fuel to get to work when i can clearly see his money is going elsewhere... i'm picking up the slack at home because he is too tired to do anything to help. Im exhausted and feel im doing everything on my own.
Or YABU he is working very hard to provide for the family and deserves a break, he should be allowed to spend is allowance on what he wants to. I should let him rest and get up for the baby anyway since im on mat leave.
I will add that Dh is very hands on when he is in the mood, will get up for baby and get up early and bring me a cup of tea in the morning, cleans house from top to bottom and plays with the kids, takes them on fun days out etc. Gambling is a horrible disease and I feel sorry for him rather than anger, bills are all paid, its the time away from us and extra money which could go to other things im starting to feel very angry with.