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AIBU?

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Original poster

Grievance worthy?

38 replies

Pollypocket89 · 31/07/2021 22:53

Posting on behalf of a friend sat with me

She started a new job about 6 weeks ago, gets along well with the small team and manager. We're sitting having a drink together in the garden and a text flashes up from him on her phone.

Aibu that it's a bit odd he's even thinking of her at 11pm on a Saturday?

OP posts:
Original poster
Pollypocket89 · 01/08/2021 08:14

If you read my first post, I said she was right next to me, posted together and also surprised by it so no need to unclench thanks!

OP posts:
Ughmaybenot · 01/08/2021 08:20

Unless he really ramps it up and becomes inappropriate, I don’t think this is much to lose sleep over.
If she’s uncomfortable, she can always send a quick ‘can we keep messages to work stuff only’ message but doesn’t seem necessary at this stage.

clickychicky · 01/08/2021 08:22

Bit weird to just text someone and say you're a bit drunk and nothing else

Original poster
Pollypocket89 · 01/08/2021 08:24

Don't worry, no one is panicking or actually filing a grievance!

To me, perhaps due to my own experiences, it sounded like he was fishing... I can't think of another reason to text my pretty friend while up late drunk at the weekend so it made me a bit wary of his motives

OP posts:
tothelakes · 01/08/2021 08:46

If I was her I would definitely be alert now and make it clear I'm not interested as he's definitely fishing. He probably won't mention the message but if he does she could say 'yeah that was a bit weird, you must have been really drunk'.

It makes it clear it was inappropriate.

Original poster
Pollypocket89 · 01/08/2021 09:17

You would take it that way too, tothelakes?

I didn't know if my experience was clouding me going by the replies on here!

OP posts:
billy1966 · 01/08/2021 10:04

@tothelakes

If I was her I would definitely be alert now and make it clear I'm not interested as he's definitely fishing. He probably won't mention the message but if he does she could say 'yeah that was a bit weird, you must have been really drunk'.

It makes it clear it was inappropriate.

Sounds like fishing to me.

Excellent reply above if necessary.

She needs to be on guard.

She should keep the message incase it becomes a pattern and she needs to speak to HR.

Original poster
Pollypocket89 · 01/08/2021 10:08

My friend is very nice and chatty so he could have read that as something else. My friend is hoping he's just friendly like she is as she's said they get on really well but assumed he was safe as he has a long term partner!

OP posts:
Reloxa · 01/08/2021 10:23

I'd say it's odd as well, they've only known each other for 6 weeks and he is her manager.

My last 3 managers texted all times of night but it was stuff to look at in morning - some work, some not - they weren't drunkenly trying to get my attention at that very moment. Plus we had worked together for some time by the point they were doing that, and were friends.

tothelakes · 01/08/2021 11:07

@Pollypocket89

You would take it that way too, tothelakes?

I didn't know if my experience was clouding me going by the replies on here!

I don't think I'd be massively worried about it, just cautious. Hopefully her not replying means he got the message.
LordEmsworth · 01/08/2021 11:30

@TheSkatesOfCoachBombay

Are they both single? Maybe he just likes her. Manager or not unless there is a specific clause in her and his employment contract about relationships at work there isn't anything work related to be done.

Up to her how she deals with it, if she's not interested she can just ignore it, if she does like him then she can chat away.

As long as professional boundaries and behaviour are adhered to during working hours, can't say I'd care.

Wouldn't be the first manager/employee relationship I've seen, won't be the last. I just have to remind them they aren't married/together in work, so leave the heavy petting and any relationship discourse in the car park thanks. Colleagues don't care of he ate the last kit kat in the cupboard and you were saving it for your evening cup of tea, please don't slam files down on his desk. 😂

Really? I don't have a specific clause in my employment contract saying "I don't agree to my manager making advances to me", does that mean it's ok for him to do it?

And boundaries apply outside working hours too. We're not talking about "what their colleagues think", we're talking about "is it ok for my boss to put out the feelers before making a move on me", which is what texting at night on the weekend saying "oooh I'm a bit drunk" is. You are talking about a totally different scenario/question Confused.

Catlover77 · 01/08/2021 11:45

@Pollypocket89

Nope, said in my above post that both people are taken

My friend didn't reply!

Where?
Original poster
Pollypocket89 · 01/08/2021 11:54

23:25Pollypocket89

Thankfully no dick pic! Both taken. I didn't get a good feeling about it and she seemed quite surprised, hence the thread
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