Opinions on this scenario.

[staryrainbows]

Obviously a back story to this but I just want opinions on this situation.

Parent A & B have a 2.5yr old.

Out for the day and toddler is playing up running off etc. Parent A insists toddler holds their hand, toddler has a huge meltdown and wants to hold parent Bs hand. Parent A says no, holds on to toddlers hand and the screaming crying continues. Parent B suggests toddler just hold their hand. Parent A says no.

Is parent A right that children do as they're told end of.

Is parent B right that it doesn't matter how you get to the end point as long as child is doing what's expected?

Or is there something in between.

No wonder your toddler doesn't want to hold his hand

Nasty bastard

How old are his other children OP?

He’s a dick, OP, but you know that. Your parenting is probably backed up by book learning, but I bet you’ve spent more time with your child doing real life parenting. What makes him the expert? Does he spend time bothering to research/ask others’ opinions? (Bet he bloody doesn’t)

Buy a dc backpack with reins... Ime holding a toddler's hand is a pointless battle. Your dh is a twat.

Urgh. Dh has done this. Iv come to realise that he found it hard that I was dc go to parent.

@Haveyoubrushedyourteeth

How old are his other children OP?

There's 13 years between his youngest and ours.

He isn't a terrible parent, he does his fair share of parenting and is generally really lovely and warm to him. But when his expectations of him are too high and he's too harsh when he plays up, but even if I see 10 lovely moments it doesn't make the bad ones ok.

For example we went to a family wedding recently. He expects the toddler to behave perfectly and gets angry when he doesn't. We sat for the meal and toddler wanted to get up and run around, I'd forgot to put the activities in his bag so I went to put Netflix on my phone but he said no he just needs to behave. Can't expect a 2 and a half yr old to sit still at a meal for 2 hours with nothing to do. I don't like the idea of giving him a screen but he couldn't run around and I'd not got anything else.

Who's hand a child holds is not a hill I'm willing to die on. Providing my child is safe that's all that matters.

Your DH seems to have a ridiculous set of expections of what a toddler can manage - especially a toddler who's missed out on a year's worth of socialisation due to the pandemic. I wonder what he was like as a parent to his kids when they were very young?

He says I get my ideas from text books and not real life parenting,

Patronising twat.

OP,

First off, don't get pregnant again with him.

He is dominating you and your child.

You need to look long and hard at the environment you have chosen to bring a child into.

One parent insisting their way is king, is awful and will make for a miserable childhood.

Toddlers can be tricky.
The wedding example is ridiculous.

Of course the phone would have distracted him and been the right thing to do.

This man is wrong and he clearly is spoiling your experience of motherhood.

You need to look at your finances and see what you want to do.

But it is reasonable to tell your husband that you are unhappy with HIM and his behaviour and maybe separation is the answer because you are NOT going to tolerate being told that he knows best about YOUR child.

You need to stand up for yourself and your child.

Yes I do need to stand up for us, I just needed the reassurance that I wasn't wrong.

I will speak to him again but I know he won't take it on board. I'm not sure I'm ready to accept that I need to walk away but fully prepared to do so, guess I just need to bite the bullet. Never going to be easy is it. He thinks everyone else is always at fault. If he's in a mood and he snaps at people it's always that persons fault, never his. He was really sharp and unnecessarily harsh on his youngest child the other day, to the point I had to step in even though it was in-front of the child. His son was being irritating and was grating on me which is unusual but still didn't deserve to be shouted at, not in the way he was. It's not raising your voice to make a point, it's cruel and nasty.

He says he was the same with his older children as he is with ours and his ex had no issues with his parenting. But I don't place much value on what his ex believes is acceptable, she has very low standards if what she tolerates from her new partner is anything to go by.

Most toddlers tantrum about control. I would give the toddler the choice, “Who’s hand are you going to hold?” Toddler win as they have control, parent win as toddler is safe.