AIBU- new sibling, new room

[Namechange1234589]

Name changed for this as some details may be outing.
We are expecting our second baby in December- yet to tell our 3yo about them as we wanted to have the 20wk scan done first.
We live in a 3bed semi and currently 3yo is in a toddler bed in smallest bedroom which was/is the nursery. Due to my DH's snoring and my insomnia 95% of the time we sleep apart- he sleeps in back room and I sleep in main bedroom. This may be weird for many but for us it works and means we both get decent night's rest (toddler permitting) and can function well the next day. Also doesn't stop cuddles, intimacy etc.
Anyway with baby 2 on way I am now feeling very anxious about sleeping set up- I knew we couldn't afford to move to 4bed when we were TTC but it seemed a distant issue.
Ultimately 3yo needs to move bedrooms into the backroom and we need to redecorate and get it set up for her. My question is though- when does the official move need to happen? My mum seems to think we need to move her into back bedroom asap so her nose won't be out of joint when baby arrives. I am really reluctant to kiss goodbye to a few month's worth of decent sleep before baby arrives by having DH move back in full time to main bedroom. The 3rd bedroom/nursery is too small to fit a double bed in and at best would accommodate a single mattress on the floor- no frame- although still need to measure to verify this. My DH will not - understandably- want to sleep on a single mattress on floor of nursery for several months and I will struggle being heavily pregnant to do this although I would deffo consider it if it meant uninterrupted sleep.
AIBU to think we redecorate back bedroom in advance of baby, but keep double bed in there until at least baby arrives and keep 3yo in nursery until it's time for baby to move out of sleeping in main bedroom with me? My mum is really pushing the need for re-decoration to happen very soon which is stressing me out.
Thoughts/comments/suggestions of alternative plans more than welcome!

My advice is go with whatever gets you all the most sleep.

Yes your DH needs his snoring sorting out it isn't normal or ok to make everyone else suffer.

Yes- those of you saying DH needs to sort snoring are right he does.
However I also am just a terrible sleeper- so even in the halcyon early days of our relationship when we were younger, slimmer and healthier I didn't sleep well with him in the bed. In fact, I've just never slept well with anyone else in my bed ever. I'm a v light sleeper, am woken by the slightest touch of a foot or wobble of someone turning over in bed. This has then caused me a huge anxiety issue over sleep- not being able to get off to sleep, not getting enough good sleep etc. and the whole thing is a vicious cycle. When we moved to this house we bought a superking memory foam mattress with idea being it reduced feel of anyone turning over in bed, and has enough space for no one to accidentally kick the other in their sleep and we had separate duvets. Even this didn't really work and I was tired and miserable constantly which wasn't conducive to a happy relationship.. So the problem really is 50/50- 50% my weird light sleepingness and anxiety and his snoring. I am just not bedsharing compatible.

Could you turn the big one into a nursery with s single bed in?

This is a DH problem.

Record his snoring (there are many phone Apps for this) and take it to the doctor as proof. Then he has 6 months to rectify the situation before the baby arrives.

He can't possibly argue with this, if you can grow a baby in that time, he can lose the weight/sort the medical issue creating this problem.

It'll give you much more flexibility bedroom wise.

I would keep the baby in with you for 6m - 1 year and then give them one of the bigger bedrooms to share, by that time the new baby will hopefully be a little buddy rather than an 'interloper' to your eldest.

@eightyfourandahalf glad we weren't only ones to do this- and we also moved 3yo into own room at 3 months to stop disrupting them in the night when we came to bed etc. I know that's against guidelines but as an EBF baby they were waking regularly still through night for feeds anyway so I felt that was a protective measure. I think I am just freaking out at prospect of having to navigate/negotiate a whole new way of wrangling sleep and night times with baby #2 because what worked with #1 isn't necessarily going to be physically possible to do due to number of bedrooms.

I wouldn’t be moving her til absolutely necessary. When you need a separate room for the baby, then I’d worry.
We did similar with ours, very similar circumstances with a snoring husband . We just made the move into her new room a big exciting event! No reason for her to resent the move at all!!
Your sleep is precious and should be a priority. People who don’t have a snoring partner never really get how soul destroying sleeping with it is!

Ours always shared when very young even though we had individual rooms available. There was no younger one waking older one, only positives in that they seemed to sleep better knowing there was someone they were attached to in the room. We had one pair who we thought would never separate! When the youngest of those moved from cot to bed it was so sweet as at some point during the night one would go hop into bed with the other and when we would go check on them before going to bed they were generally snuggled up together. Bonus was neither of those ever came in to us to hop into our bed. Even when they got seperate rooms, just due to having too many personal belongings each so shared room became crowded, they would go hop into each other’s beds during the night.

On the other hand I did have another that on getting a separate room came into us from that point and we had that every night until they were 14/15yo. Really wish we made them share forever as never happened when they had someone else sleeping in the room with them. Also made mornings easier as if one woke early they tended to wake the other, and amuse themselves even if that meant one playing through bars if a cot.

I'm with you on the bed sharing.

Long term you could have separate beds but you can't share a room if he snores that badly.

We had separate mattresses and single duvets which really helped. Then he got overweight and the snoring ramped up so I kicked him out.

He has lost weight the snoring much better but we are both happier sleeping better separately now.

I actually don't like going away as I sleep so badly without my dark quiet room to myself.

[quote Namechange1234589]@TwoLeftElbows what was the age gap between your two when you moved them in together? I think long term a room share between the two DCs would be great and keep the nursery then with a small adult bed for DH and I to take turns sleeping in. BUT my worry would be the DCs would wake each other up- especially the little one waking the older one who, overall is a pretty good sleeper.[/quote]
We only had a 2 year gap. Bedtime was the trickiest bit but you figure something out. They have naturally quite different sleep patterns but I think they adapted. Putting them to bed at different times can help - toddler went to bed before the baby for a while, which works as long as you don't plant any ideas in their heads about later bedtime being a "big boy privilege"

Our oldest is still in the box room.
As a baby, we had a double and a cot for DS2.
Now DS2 has a good sized bedroom (but has to keep most if the shared books, boardgames etc in there), and DH and I have a king sized bed.
Would you and DH be able to get a super king in your master bedroom. Then you could have 2 single mattresses in a frame, which might reduce knocking into each other, and reduce mattress movement.

I’d say leave your toddler where they are for now. Turn the second bedroom into a nursery with bed (single to double maybe?) and have a small crib/ Moses basket in the main room. Then you have the option of baby in either room while the other parent sleeps. Eventually when they are older both the kids could share the bigger room or you could move the older child once the baby isn’t a new thing. I have an older boy and girl (6 and 4) and they happily share- they prefer it. So focus on your own sleep rather than MIL- she sounds a bit controlling. Oh and decorate neutrally if you’re planning on decorating so that you can swap it about if necessary.

@RandomMess I'm the same re going away! I love my sleeping set up so much at home nothing else ever compares!

Thanks to everyone sharing what they did with their own DC- it really is helpful getting different perspectives on the matter and to find out how other people went about things.

I am not sure why redecoration is needed? Is it some law or something? Does someone come and take the baby away if they aren't in a perfectly redecorated room?

Agree re not bothering with redecoration, especially to make it look like a "nursery" which is a short lived phase. Leave the decor and let the child choose something in a few years

Why don't you start by measuring the small room to see if it will take a single bed.