To ask you to create a healthy menu for me?

[MongoAkimboAGoGo]

I’m 40. I look absolutely haggered. My hair is a massive frizzy mess, a photo was taken of me yesterday as I’d been caught in drizzle my hair was like a ginger Afro, I looked homeless.
I’m overweight now for the first time in my life, almost 12 stone. My skin is dry, dull looking, pale and tired. I’m tired. I look about 60.

My diet now consists of pot noodles, chocolate, crisps, takeaways and alcohol as well as endless coffee.

I was raised on fish fingers and chips.

I need to do something. I barely leave the house now as I’m so ashamed of how I look.

Anyone else been like this and turned it around? How long did it take to see improvements?

AIbU to ask for people to post examples of a healthy day’s menu? As I honestly have no idea. People say eat museli for breakfast but others say it’s loaded with calories and bad for you. Slimming world say eat pasta, others say it’s fattening. Wtf

My asda and some tescos don't even have meat and fish counters anymore. It's a shame tbh.

Eat 7 portions of fruit/veg every day.
Drink 2 litres of water
Have a simple skin routine-
Cleanse with cera-ve, then put on a serum the ordinary “buffet” is good. Then moisturise, the. SPF 50- la Roche posey.

Cook from scratch. Stay away from processed foods

Roast a chicken serve with 2/3 portions of veg you like- could be salad could be roast potatoes

Make a bolognaise sauce- loads of veg in there! Make a chill sauce. Serve with pasta/rice and 2 other portions of veg on the side

Walk everywhere. Maybe start exercising.

Get your hair done. Get your eyebrows done.

Treat yourself to the fast800 book by Michael Mosley. I've lost 3 stone since April down to 10 from 13. I'm early 50s and haven't looked and felt this well since my 20s.
I'm no Cook but the recipes are easy to follow. Totally changes your mindset on food.

Ditching the takeaways and the junk is already going to be a massive step in the right direction, then go from there.

If you live on takeaways what are your cooking skills like? If you’re not much of a cook you can start out with things which are easy. Steamed fish/vegetables involve almost no effort what so ever.

Put a chicken breast with some Cajun seasoning and olive oil, cook it in the oven then cut up with some salad leaves and dressing.

porridge for breakfast will keep the hunger off until lunchtime.

Substitute coffee/wine for water, it’s better for you and the calories you’re saving will go towards either losing weight or being able to eat something more.

Get rid of the crisps and chocolate, all of it.

If you don’t like veg then make soup. You can put virtually anything in there and if you don’t like the actual veg then you can blitz the soup until it’s smooth.

I agree re ditching packet foods where possible, i.e. the less processed crap you eat the healthier it is. There’s no need to buy a pasta sauce in a jar, fry off an onion, some garlic, chuck in a tin or two of tomatoes and simmer for about 20 minutes then either blend or serve as is with some pasta and maybe some chicken.

Jar sauces are full of salt and sugar and various other e-numbers.

Obviously there are limits such as stocks etc, although it is possible to make those as well but they can involve a bit of effort and are expensive compared to packets.

I was raised similarly to you. Get a decent supplement to start with, as you might find you are depleted in some vitamins and minerals. I found magnesium made a big difference to me but it may be different for you.

The way I turned things around was to get a large fruit and veg box delivered and dairy produce and bread from the milkman each week, then to make the veg the main focus of meals. I supplement it with a monthly meat box. I freeze the meat and work my way through it gradually, having vegetarian days sometimes where my protein is beans or nuts.

I eat a lot of meat and two veg type meals for ease but I also google for recipes using the ingredient names if I have any unusual veg, and have some regular recipes I use every week such as chilli, curry, lasagne, etc. I batch cook at weekends so I’ve got something easy to pull from the freezer after a long shift at work. I allow myself treats such as cake but I have to make it from scratch if I want it and I often can’t be bothered! The supermarket is my biggest source of bad food so I don’t visit it at all and get a delivery once a month to stock up on rice, pasta, shampoo, cleaning products, herbs, etc. I try to buy whole wheat versions where they taste ok.

I find that all this costs the same as getting everything from the supermarket as I found that when I did that, I would buy a lot of extras such as biscuits, chocolate and crisps. I have been eating this way since the pandemic began and I will never go back to the way I did things before. I was struggling with peri menopause and fatigue but now feel loads better. Very best of luck.

The sugar and salt is what makes the jars sauces taste good though. Just a tin of tomatoes, onion and garlic is going to be pretty dull after a twenty minute simmer. Herbs, salt and pepper, even a little sugar etc are pretty key to making a nice tomato pasta sauce. I think confident cooks often forget the extra things they add or do to make their food taste good. That will come with practice and you do build up a store cupboard of stuff to add flavour over time.

Start with small improvements and work your way up. It's about getting the nutrients in rather than cutting everything that's bad out. The odd Pot Noodle is not going to ruin your life if you've generally got a good diet otherwise. I agree with PPs who've said get a multivitamin, but also:

Start drinking more water. I have a 750ml bottle and an alarm on my phone at 1pm and 6pm. I aim to drink the full bottle in the morning and when my alarm goes off at 1pm, I down whatever's left and refill. Then the same again at 6. I started doing this after years of tension headaches and I rarely get headaches now.

Do you want to cook, or not? I'm not being sarcastic - if you don't actually want to, then the Gousto etc boxes are a good idea. If you do want to, I'd suggest buying a kids or student cookbook. Again I'm not being patronising but for someone who doesn't cook at all, the suggestion to 'just cook from scratch' is very daunting. An intentionally simple cookbook will give you ideas and basic cooking skills. BBC Good Food website is also very good for basic recipes and cooking times.

Make things easy for yourself! Buy a microwave egg poacher. Poached eggs are healthy, filling, quick and an excellent source of protein. Perfect for quick breakfasts. Buy the microwave rice packets - supermarket own brand are about 30p and will do for two meals if you store the other half in the fridge. Get some ready made seasonings - you can buy all purpose ones, some intended specifically for meat, fish, veg etc, some that are specific to cuisines (e.g. garam masala) etc. Buy sauces and dressings you like, for example sriracha, hoisin sauce, low fat French dressing, etc etc. Then 'boring' meals can be instantly improved. Just stay away from the really sugary ones.

I'd just try to make sure you have some protein and fruit/veg in every meal, carbs in moderation, plenty of water.

You are not alone
I roast loads of vegetables in olive oil then in batches add either smoked paprika/oregano etc and bake an egg on it
Makes a sauce for pasta /wraps too
I swapped meat for veggie options and stock up on salmon(hot smoked flakes or normal fillets) or whatever fish is on offer from a cheap supermarket I do noodles, roast gnocchi or rice with it. Just add broccoli, pesto peas or whatever
There is no way I'm giving up cheese though
I also built exercise into my day so its as normal as brushing my hair. Even 5 minutes helps

I buy frozen berries and add them to instant porridge that I make up with skimmed milk. I also add a blob of syrup. Lunch is a sandwich or a baked potato with salad (I like carrot sticks, celery sticks, grapes, etc.. to be easy). Dinner is often toast root veg and cous cous with feta.

I think a good place to start is with whole food ie that you could make or grow yourself. So potatoes are fine, making your own mashed potatoes or chips occasionally or roast potatoes etc is fine. Crisps, potato waffles, oven chips, etc not fine. Things like bread you can get organic / artisan bread that's got just flour salt and yeast in the ingredients.

What I'd do is try and up my veg intake and have less carbs. Maybe start with a few filling vegetable soups or curries as a good way to get 5 a day into you and they freeze and re heat well.

For breakfast I'd avoid anything processed and sugary as it just doesnt fill you up. I'd make sure I have protein for breakfast as it's more filling.
For example fried or poached egg on toast, beans on toast, porridge, etc is much better than cereal. I have full fat yoghurt (it's really rich and filling you dont need much) with a few berries or rasins, some nuts, and a bit of honey. Filling and healthy. I also sometimes make my own granola (smitten kitchen recipe) which is mainly oats, and sprinkle a bit of this on some yoghurt.

Thanks for all the advice. I have my asda shop being delivered today and a menu sorted for next week.

So breakfast is normally a packet of crisps - instead I’ll be having Greek yogurt with blueberries
Lunch is normally a pot noodle - instead I’ve got sweet potato jacket, tuna, cherry tomatoes + cottage cheese / left over chicken casserole / tomato + ricotta pasta (with veggies)
Dinner would normally be something beige in breadcrumbs. Instead we’ll be having chicken casserole, steak with sweet potato and tender stem broccoli, smoked haddock with new potatoes and tomato pasta with veg

great start mongo

if it gets too much for you, don't see it as failure. you can always start again.

a couple of ideas that are not too far away from your normal choices:

breakfast is normally a packet of crisps - cornflakes or branflakes or flaked almonds have a nice crunch, so add a few to your breakfast. if you prefer savory a breakfast bake might be nice

Lunch is normally a pot noodle - nothing wrong with noodles. you can get wholemeal noodles in the asia section. add a stock cube, a sliced spring onion, some sweetcorn and/or peas (both are great frozen)

Dinner would normally be something beige in breadcrumbs - look at the crumb to meat/fish ratio. some are better than others. ocassionally there is nothing wrong with fish fingers and the like, but maybe have less and up the sides. baked beans are not the worst either especially the lower sugar versions.

@MongoAkimboAGoGo

Thanks for all the advice. I have my asda shop being delivered today and a menu sorted for next week.

So breakfast is normally a packet of crisps - instead I’ll be having Greek yogurt with blueberries
Lunch is normally a pot noodle - instead I’ve got sweet potato jacket, tuna, cherry tomatoes + cottage cheese / left over chicken casserole / tomato + ricotta pasta (with veggies)
Dinner would normally be something beige in breadcrumbs. Instead we’ll be having chicken casserole, steak with sweet potato and tender stem broccoli, smoked haddock with new potatoes and tomato pasta with veg

That sounds lovely. Make sure your weekly menu is written down:

Monday
Breakfast:
Lunch:
Dinner:
(and repeat)

Stick to your menu.
Drink water, eat fruit if you need a snack.