Before you judge me for putting breakdowns in inverted commas, let me give you some background.
So my mother in law is part of a committee at her job that advocates mental health help and expressing your needs in a healthy way which is great. She is very aware of mental health issues and has never expressed having any severe issues herself. Like any person she has her ups and downs, like all of us she gets a bit depressed sometimes, gets p*ssed off with work etc. however, lately I have noticed that she keeps having what she calls "breakdowns". These normally happen after a few drinks; she enjoys a few glasses of wine but in my opinion she drinks a bit too much, she drinks heavily (2-3 bottles of wine) 3-4 times a week which for me is too much. Her breakdowns consist of crying and feeling sorry for herself about "being a bad mum" so her only son (and only child out of 3 who actually still bothers with her) my husband has to be her psychiatrist.
She never seems to have these when me and him visit but whenever he visits alone (she lives about 20 mins away from us so he visits almost every other weekend), she always has a "breakdown" so he has to stay there until 2-3 am on a Friday or Saturday instead of spending time with me. I know it sounds selfish but we work full time and barely have time to ourselves in the evenings during the week - we just shower, eat, watch TV and go to bed; so the weekend is the only time we can be together properly like a family (we have no kids). I get that she probably gets emotional after a few drinks and because I'm not there she feels more comfortable to express how she feels bad for leaving my husband and his siblings behind years ago and moving in with another man (very long story for a different time), how she has failed as a mum because her daughters don't talk to her (for various reasons) but come on! This happened 20+ years ago, she can't keep brining it up.
Imo if she feels that bad about things she has done in 1996 and has "breakdowns" every time she thinks about it, she needs to address this with a professional, not my husband who is not a psychiatrist, and these conversations actually burden him even though he won't admit, so I have to pick up the pieces after that because he comes back a wreck.
I have tried to tell him to maybe suggest to her a psychologist or a therapist but he says she will get upset if he brings it up and she doesn't have the money for it! How would she get upset since she is the one who tells you to do this at your workplace if you are depressed?! I have also told him that he needs to value his mental health too and stop taking on his mum's burden, it's not his to carry and he doesn't have to sit there and console her every time she has a "breakdown" but he says he's the only one she has left and that's what a good son would do. Yes, that's what a good son would do but not at the expense of his own health and relationship with his wife and not every weekend!
Am I being selfish and unreasonable here?!